Is there a defining moment when you journey from child to young man?

My earliest childhood memories do not revolve around my own parents but rather around a couple named Mr and Mrs Hey. Mr Hey, a retired policeman, and Mrs Hey, a post-war nurse if my memory serves me right. Although my recollections of Mr Hey are faint, I do remember him as a gentle soul. Regrettably, he was taken from us far too early.

As far as I understood, he was unwell, and in line with the events of the early 60’s, he peacefully passed away in his sleep. I remember being asked to go out and play with my siblings when the hearse arrived to take away his body. I don’t recall attending a funeral, possibly because we were not immediate family, and being young, it may not have seemed appropriate at the time.

Well, the powers that be decided that we five children could stay with Mrs Hey. There was Irene, Pauline, Jeff, myself and Gary in age order, Gary being the youngest and just a Toddler. We lived at Number 35. St Philips Rd. Gorton. And attended Ryder Brow School just a few Hundred Meters away.

I have fond memories of living in this house and endless hour playing football in the school playing fields to the right of the house. Though private and secured because it was school property. We as children had easy access. One of the larger children on our street, and there were many. Had used a car jack to pry apart the iron railings right next to our house. In so securing easy access to the playing fields. And also a super shortcut for us to get to school.

The Jacked apart railings behind the green bin. With the school in the distance.

I’m not sure how many years we stayed at that address. But I do recall the days it took us to move two streets away to Number 1 Brookhurst Road. For the move a van had been rented. But this was only for the big stuff, beds and wardrobes and the like. Anything portable we children would shuttle round to the new house. So from after school Friday using all the daylight hours until late Sunday evening, we kids carried trip after trip of all our worldly possessions and a house full of stuff two streets away to the new house. I’m in no way moaning about this, back in the day it was how things were done.

Number 1 Brookhurst Rd.

When I mention the “new house,” I mean that it was new to us. Previously, Uncle Arthur and Aunty Vera, Mrs Hey’s sister and her husband, had occupied it. They had found another place closer to his work, near Paignton, I believe. As a young person, I didn’t fully grasp all the complexities of house moves, but here’s what I gathered:

Someone works diligently and saves money to the point where the bank trusts them enough to lend them a mortgage. With the money, they buy a house. Later, for various reasons, they may want a bigger or different house, so they put their current house on the market. This sets off a chain reaction of events. Someone else sees their house, likes it, and puts their own house up for sale to fund the purchase. This process repeats, creating a chain of housing moves.

We found ourselves second to last in this chain. After all the other houses in the chain had been financed and finalized, removal vans were arranged, and people moved to their new homes. However, we had to wait for Arthur and Vera to vacate before we could move into our new home, even though there were people waiting behind us to move into our old house. Consequently, we had just a weekend to complete our move.

I have many intriguing memories of this new house. Being older when I lived there they are more vivid. We as kids got up to more mischief too. Like the day we were playing cricket in the backyard. The stumps had been chalked on the wall under the bay window. And as we had no cricket ball a lump of coal was substituted.

Now not being totally daft and fully aware of the large bay window. The bowler… Gary was instructed to bowl underarm. This went fine for the first several hits, lumps of coal were clattering down the far end of the yard, some sailing over the wall into the street.

However, Gary got bored of underarm as the Batsman was thrashing his efforts to the four winds. Gary had no hope of bowling the batsman out with such slow bowls. So the inevitable happened, a fast overarm full toss that sailed the lump of coal straight into the centre of the bay window.

To say that Mrs Hey was livid would be an understatement. Large panes of glass are expencive. And we were by no meams rich..! One look around the yard at all the scattered coal, the cricket bat and the broken window and Mrs Hey did not need to be Miss Marple to put two and two together.

I’m not a hundred per cent sure why, perhaps it was because I did generally cause the most trouble. But Mrs Hey grabbed the cricket bat and flew after me up the yard. Fortunately, I got to the back gate ripped the bolt open and reached the sanctuary of the public road before I was clobbered with the bat.

I stayed out until it was dark, in the hope that Mrs Hey had calmed down. Fortunately, she had, so it was off to bed for me with no supper. Apparently to teach me a lesson. The only lesson I learnt that day was don’t trust your younger brother..!

The back yard, and the gate that led me to sanctuary..!

The bay-window can just be seen…to the left of the Van..!

I cannot really talk about my time at this address without mentioning Mrs Parr. She was a dear old lady who lived at number 3 Brookhurst Rd. The street numbers went 1, 1a, 3…5 etc. So Mrs Parr was our next-door neighbour but one.

Most Saturdays, Mrs Hey would bake bread and the odd pie or bread pudding. Once this was completed in good neighbourly fashion I would be tasked to take a loaf over to Mrs Parr. I relished this task. On Saturday afternoon Mrs Parr would be preparing her weekly food. This may be a whole Rabbit, Large Fish, a Chicken or a joint of Meat. I would be completely enthralled by her. Simply because she could convert her chosen food into 5 meals yet not waste a morsel.

To watch her scale and gut fish was mesmerising in its simplicity. Watching her debone a joint was a pleasure. And I must say that wonderful lady took the time to teach me so many skills on how to deal with meat, fish and fowl. Skills I have carried with me all my life. Thank you, dear sweet Mrs Parr.

Another amazing thing about my visits to Mrs Parr’s was that she cooked on a Grange Oven, this was an antique oven, even back in the day. It was coal and wood fired. It warmed the house water, boiled water for drinking, cooked stuff in an oven, warmed plates, heated food in pans and frying pans and kept the house warm. It was a joy to watch Mrs Parr cook on it, without the aid of a button or dial. She was a true artist in her kitchen.

An Oven similare to Mrs Parr’s.

As the years passed we kids got older. And the powers that be decided that it wasn’t proper for three boys to share the same sleeping accommodation as their sisters… so sadly we were split up ‘The Girls’ heading off to female accommodation and us three boys staying with Mrs Hey.

As with all things, time takes its toll. With Mrs Hey there was no exception. She was old when she first started looking after us and something like a decade of time had passed with her tending to the needs of three growing boys.

Though still full of Spirit, it would be kind to say the body was weak. So her blood family decided it would be a great idea to move us all to Bracknell. As to be near her daughter Hazel and family, should anything untoward happen. That us three boys might perhaps not be able to handle.

Hazel, or aunty Hazel as we addressed her, had a wonderful family. There was Hazel, Uncle Victor her husband and five daughters. Valery the eldest, then Marilyn, Sharon, Julie and the youngest Louise. Aunty hazel was the coolest woman I knew…Why? She owned a Bubble Car. I don’t recall the make but it looked similar to the BMW Isetta. It had a wonderful classic charm, and we could fit Aunty Hazel and three kids into it if one squiggled up on the back shelf.

They lived at number 3 Beswick Gardens, Bracknell. And right outside their front door was a Forest..! As kids, when staying at their house for holidays, we boys were in play heaven. We had grown up in Manchester where our trees had fences around them and signs saying no ball games..! Here, we boys swiftly mastered the art of Bow and Arrow making, tracking and walking silently to see the game rather than scare it off.

So the news of our move to Bracknell was quite a nice surprise. More vans were rented boxes packed and in a flash, our new home was settled into. We three boys were signed into a new school. This one is called Wild Ridings. I don’t recall much about my time at school in Bracknell. I recall nothing bad about it, other than one incident. And it’s a funny old thing but it involves my brother Gary.

I don’t like bullying in any of its forms. And as children, the male influences in our lives had always taught us to stand up for ourselves. So a big shout out to Uncle Arthur, Uncle Victor and several male teachers, CCF Leaders and Scout Akela’s.

Gary, though small in stature compared to me. Could quite happily stand up for himself. Now for some reason, he had a run-in with an older and bigger kid at school. I have no idea what it was about. But Gary told this kid he was going to knock the crap out of him after school.

I knew nothing of this until I’m summoned to the headmaster’s office. The other kid who I did not know was standing outside the office. The door opens, and the headmaster sternly tells me to get inside. I’m berated on the evils of bullying and how he, the headmaster will not tolerate it. I was to get ‘Six of the Best’ on my hands as a punishment.

I protested my innocence to no avail. And the punishment was metered out. To say it hurt like buggery is an understatement. The art is to keep your thumbs low because if the cane hits your thumb it hurts for days afterwards. With both hands stinging like hell and I was determine not to cry until a made it to the bathroom. The headmaster walked me out of the office turned to me and then said “If you ever threaten this boy again you will be back in my office again for more of the same..!”

It was at this point that the unknown kid outside the office to his credit spoke out. “Sir he didn’t threaten me.. his little brother did..!”

There was no apology, in fact, the headmaster knew full well of my track record. Said I was to accept the punishment in lieu of all the things I had gotten away with in the past. Here the matter was dropped. By the headmaster and myself. I made it to the bathroom without crying and when there I think the moment for tears had passed. I ran my hands under the cold tap for a good ten minutes until the feeling and use came back into them. I then proceeded back to my class.

I never mentioned a word about it to anyone in school, Gary and I had heated words on the way home, though I did realise he was not really to blame. At school, the next day word had somehow gotten out. And we all know that the truth will never get in the way of a good story. I must have heard six different versions of the events, how I had taken a caning instead of my brother. Yet truth or fiction all that happened is my kudos in school went sky high…For about a week.

The move to Birmingham.

Sadly the sands of time took their toll on Mrs Hey, and she passed away. I do recall this moment in time. And the funeral back in Manchester where she was laid to rest next to her husband. It was a really sad event for all concerned, her family and ours..!

Once the dust had settled after the funeral. I’m led to believe there were some in depth discussions between the Child Services and Aunty Hazel as to what was to happen to us three boys. Aunty Hazel had a huge family herself. She didn’t need three extra boys..!

I’m not sure how long it took but a solution was found. Valery, Aunty Hazels eldest daughter was married to a guy called Ron Maloney, a university lecturer. They as a couple didn’t want the hassle of bringing up small children. But looking after three adolescent boys who could look after them selves so to speak, that would be easier. And the Council pay you to foster children too, handsomely I may add.

So the solution was that we three boys would move up from Bracknell to Birmingham to live with Valery and Ron..! Once the due diligence had been done, and the council were happy with the accommodation. Because we had to have separate bedrooms because of our ages..! We made the journey to Birmingham.

Settling in to Number One, Hagley Court, Hagley Road, Birmingham, was fairly simple. We each had our own room, the first floor flat was clean and roomy. We were maybe a twenty minute walk to school, which was no great hardship.

Daily routine in the household was fairly simple, with standard household chores to be done. Skills that Mrs Hey had taught us from an early age so no hardship there, and they were divided by three..! A regular weekday was relatively simple. Rise. Scrub up, have breakfast then the walk to school. Enjoy school and at 16:00 head home. Supper then school home work, maybe some TV then bed…’Rinse and Repeat..!’

The school we were assigned was called Harbourne Hill School, it was a mixed school about 50/50 boys and girls. Most of the teachers as I recall were pleasant. My form teacher was Mr Wooldridge. Mr Nash was my English teacher, and Mr Smith was my Maths teacher. As teachers they were like chalk and cheese. Mr Nash was engaging, captivated the class and the kids wanted to learn. Mr Smith not so. To me he came across as a poor teacher. He seemed only focused on the children he knew would pass the exams at the end of the year…! So long as he made his quota.. he didn’t seem to care about the rest of the class..! If I’m doing him a disservice I apologise it’s just my view..!

During my time at Harbourne Hill I made many friends, but none finer than Andy Wynn, Mark Pickering, and Tim Sharman. I must also shout out to the girls to, Sue and Ruth Routledge. Janine Peel, and so many other great people.

Mark Pickering and Andy Wynn..!

Janine Peel.

Tim Sharman..!

Weekends were generally ours to do as we wished, I really enjoyed going to Birmingham Library as school had furnished me with an adult library card, so I had access to the whole library not just the childrens section and I loved reading..!

Initially things went well, then over time Ron became more controlling over how I completed, and how much school homework I had to do. As an example, lets say my school french home work was to translate the three paragraphs on page 7. Ron would have me translate the first three chapters.

Jeff and Gary also got enhanced home work. Gary as he was younger not so much. Jeff perhaps a little as he was already heading toward his exams. Yet for some reason Ron saw me as a challenge. Often I would be in my room way past midnight doing extra stuff for Ron…

Then he started insisting I do stuff during the weekends too. He would set time limits on my homework. He even timed us coming home from school.

Valery, was not 100% behind Rons decisions. But he was in charge there was no getting around that.

Further restrictions were imposed on us as kids, though I must say mainly on me..! Often I would hear Jeff and Gary heading out while I was banished to my room to battle with French Translation or the Maths and Sciences..!

I’m not at all sure when, but there came a day that for what ever reason I had transgressed one of Ron’s homework challenges or time limits. So he decided it warranted me being caned with a piece of wooden rod that was used to stir paint. It was about two and a half foot long and stung like buggery on my arse..!

I don’t recall how many strokes I got, I just know it hurt like hell. I was hoping that this was just a one off occasion. Sadly it was not, and Ron upped his game. The first assault was in private in my room, he then told me the next would be in front of Valery, Jeff and Gary… And it was…

I don’t wish to think about how many times he felt the need, as he saw it to punish me. But there came a point in time where I had reached my limit. I had been put under this mans roof to be offered sucker and comfort. Not to be physically assaulted .

I believe it was a Thursday, and I knew that when I went home at some point in the evening I would be receiving another caning from Ron… But I’d had enough. I had spent all day worrying about it. Knowing I would have to walk home from school into the flat and wait until Ron was ready to hit me..! That was added mental anguish.

So with no planing nor preparation I decided to run away from home. I had no money, only my school uniform on me and nowhere to go. I met my brother Gary during the afternoon break and told him to meet me at the school library at the home time Bell.

If memory serves me the library was beyond the green doors..!

During the last two lessons that afternoon I confided to my two friends Andy Wynn and Mark Pickering that I was running away from home. They both new and understood my position from previous conversations and were like true friends eager to help.

Not going home and my settling into the nest…

Firstly a place of refuge needed to be found. Somewhere warm and dry to wait it out until the Hue and Cry had died down. Mark came up with a great idea. Months before he had been part of the school stage production of Pirates of Penzance. He had taken his time while back stage to complete a thorough recce of every thing behind the curtains.

He told me that behind the curtains and at the rear of the stage to the left was a ladder. This led up vertically to a couple of little rooms. The first was maybe 5 by 3 meters, empty with a little round window from which you could see the righthand side of the road leading up to the school main doors. The second was the same size but held the water tank and had no window.

Mark Pickering, back center with the Hat..! During Pirates of Penzance..!

This was to be my hide away until all the fuss of me disappearing had died down. Nobody was to know, only Mark, Andy and myself. After our last lesson the three of us went to find Gary..!

Gary dutifully met us at the library where I handed him a letter I had written to Ron. In it I tried to explain my feelings about his hitting me, and how I’d had enough and would not be returning to his home.

The letter Gary dutifully handed to Ron. I so wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that exchange and when he read the letter. But sadly that moments lost to history..!

I told Gary that I was leaving Birmingham, but not sure where to. I’d get in contact when I was settled. This was pure subterfuge incase Gary was questioned as I knew he would be. Gary walk away down the stairs and headed home, I was hoping Ron would not shoot the messenger.

Then Mark, Andy and I headed for the Assembly Hall and the Stage. As everyone was focused on heading home for the night nobody paid any mind to us lads. I have generally found that if you walk with purpose and look like you know where you are going people will normally get out of your way. So unchallenged we made it to behind the stage curtain. Mark led the way to the Ladder.

It was a metal vertical ladder, maybe 50 rungs or more. But to us kids on an adventure it was easy. Once in the first room we checked out the window view. Then quietly in hushed whispers we decided on what we would need. Bedding, food, water, a radio, candles, a torch, books and the like.

There was not a great deal that could be achieved this evening, so my first night I would have to toughen it out. But Mark and Andy assured me they would return to school tomorrow with supplies.

All three of us descended the ladder, and from behind the stage curtain I watch my friends head off home. I now had to make myself scarce as the school caretaker would complete his rounds. Then he would secure the main doors before retiring for the evening at his cottage down by the main gate of the school. A good 85 meters from the school itself.

Maybe it’s because we lived in more trusting times, because the caretaker only secured the main school doors after shutting any ground floor widows he found open on his walk round the school. This he did at about 18:00hrs each evening, some times later if there were after school sports in the Gym.

From my little window in the Water Tower I watched the caretaker wander down to his home and a nice evening in front of the TV. He would have the luxury of a bed. I on the other hand had just the clothes I stood up in..! But winners find a way…!

While it was still light enough I had a good look around the back of the stage. It was as one might expect a bit of a mess. It sort of had two uses. The first was as a theatre stage and as such had the sort of things you might expect to find. Screens, false walls with doors. Empty cloths racks, Light Posts with lights and lots of packing cases with a myriad of cardboard props in.

The second use was as a Storage Area for things not immediately required by the school, but maybe needed. So stuff was stored behind the stage curtains rather than locked away under the stage. 100 stacked chairs, Tables, free standing Chalk Boards. That sort of thing.

Well if I was to be comfortable up in my little hide away I would be requiring some stuff. So I helped myself some things. A Chair, A large piece of board, and my biggest haul was a huge set of Old Stage Curtains. The chair obviously was to sit on, and also to stand on to help me get a better view out of the round window as it was just a little too high for me.

The piece of board was to lay over the ladder hole so if anyone was to look up they might think it was sealed and deter them from any exploration.

Then there was the Stage Curtains. Oh the fun I had with them, trying to get them up the ladder. Let me take a moment to explain. They were full stage curtains, they had been replaced by the newer ones hanging over the stage. Yet for some reason had not been thrown away, just stored at the back of the stage. They were possibly 12 meters tall by 18 meters wide and there were two of them.

My cunning plan was to carry them up the ladder and use them as bedding. So I decided for my first attempt I would take one. I sort of unrolled it till I got to where I thought the middle was. I then heaved that over my shoulder and progressed to the ladder. That bit was fairly easy, as most of the weight was still on the floor.

Thinking this is going to be easy, off up the ladder I went. Ten steps up the full weight of the curtain kicked in, at step twenty I thought my legs were on fire and I would loose the feeling in my hands. I had to ditch the curtain or risk a catastrophic fall. So I let the curtain fall to the floor. To my surprise it did not make as loud a noise as I had expected.

When ever I see a ladder like this, the memories come rushing back..!

I looped one arm through the ladder and held on until the feeling returned to my hands and I could make a decent of the ladder. Once back on terra firma, I took stock of my problem. I had to work out a way of getting the curtains up the ladder without a pulley system or rope of any kind. Time to put the brain to work.

It was about now I realised that I was sweating, a lot. So off came my School Blazer and Jumper. While I was cooling down I wandered around the boxes and theatre paraphernalia, looking for anything that might help me. I did pick up a few odds and ends to make life easier up in my nest. Yet there was nothing to help my immediate situation.

I was tired, very hungry and very frustrated with these two curtains. I did not want to sleep on the floor, nor be exposed by being found behind the stage sleeping on the curtains by anyone wishing to be nosey early in the morning. I had to find a solution..!

I had cooled down by now and with that came a little clarity of thought. I had been taught by many mentors to keep your problems simple and then apply a simple solution. So what was my problem..? The weight of the curtain. OK how do I reduce the weight..? My first thought was to cut the damn things in half, but a lack of anything sharp put that idea to bed.

So there I was sat on a pile of curtains at the bottom of a steel ladder looking up. I could see the high spot of my previous accent. The ladder was fixed to the wall by metal braces, I had reached about the third brace before my energy gave out. How was I to hold the curtain at that level while I rested, and how was I to rest if I still had to hold the curtain and myself in place..? Several ideas flashed in and out of my mind each as crazy or impractical as the next.

I had now laid back on the curtain, and was staring up the ladder from the bottom. It was from this view that the Steel braces holding the ladder were most visible. I mused a little longer, then the inkling of an idea started to bloom, which in turn became a plan.

A Plan….! Yes, I might have a bed tonight after all. From my reclined position I could see the ladder braces. They supported the ladder a good foot away from the wall. Here was ample space for me to tuck in the end of the curtain, and the ladder brace hold the weight of the curtain not me.

Laying on my back I replayed in my mind what I needed to do. First find the end of the curtain, the bit with the curtain hooks, this will be the heaviest end. With it, head on up the ladder to only the second brace. Tuck the curtain over the brace so it can support its own weight. Descend the ladder to get the other end of the curtain. Climb back up the ladder past the supported part another two more braces higher. Re-secure this end of the curtain and keep doing this until myself and the curtain are in the nest! The ladder supporting all the weight not me.

It certainly appeared easier in my minds eye than its actual operation. The curtain was still amazingly heavy. Between the first and second curtains I need a good half an hours rest. And on completion I was exhausted, hot, soaking in sweat and I knew my school shirt was filthy. Tired and now with very sore hands I descended the ladder yet again. The idea was to collect my school blazer and jumper and do a final walk around below to disguise my ever being there.

I retrieved my clothing, placed a few boxes at the base of the ladder to deter any one from approaching it. Then stopped to checkout my handy work. Just standing there I realised what a total mess I looked and felt. I did not want to head back up the ladder as I was. I had to do something to clean myself up.

Very carefully I approached the edge of the stage and peered around the curtain. The assembly hall was silent and there were no lights to be seen. I quickly dropped off the stage and hugging the right wall looked out the window down towards the Caretakers Home, not a light to be seen. I glanced for the first time this evening at my watch…It was 11:47 wow time had flown by. But I needed to get on, I had to get cleaned up and back up in my nest.. I was totally exhausted, but looking forward to my next half an hour.

Thought the school was in the dark it was not difficult to navigate its familiar hallways and I was soon in the corridor alongside the gym. I walked in the boys changing room stripped off and was about to shower when I realised I had no soap. OK a really hot shower even without soap would have been welcome but I felt filthy. I needed soap, so it was a quick dash into the girls changing room to be met by Bottles of this and Containers of that, each smelling as lovely as the next…

Back in the boys changing room with the shower on I felt like I was in heaven. With my newly acquired bottle of three in one shampoo working wonders on my body. I used the same stuff to wash my Shirt and Underwear. The hot water felt divine, and once I had completely swilled my wet clothing out I sort of got dressed, minus underwear and shirt. I popped the three in one back where I had taken it from. Then set off back to the assembly hall.

At each junction of corridors I would wait and listen for a good fifteen seconds to ensure that I would not step round a corner to meet the caretaker doing a night patrol. One cannot be too careful when you are “On The Run” and getting caught my first night would be shameful to say the least.

Once safely back behind the stage I made my way back up the ladder. Once in my nest I hung my wet clothing on the water tank to dry by the morning, then went to the floor below to where I had a little light from the round window, and settled down on my make shift bed. I was asleep in seconds.

It was the light and silence that woke me. The light entering through the round window and the abject silence I was experiencing. At home with Jeff and Gary, were I there, I would have been surrounded by the usual cacophony of sound associated with an awakening house. The flushing of toilets, the opening and closing of doors, voices hushed or otherwise. But up in my nest there was just total silence and the morning light streaming in through my round window.

For such a small window it let in an amazing amount of light. I checked my watch, it was only 06:15 a little early for school. But perhaps not too early for the caretaker to be out and about opening doors and things..! So I moved my bed near to the ladder entrance, laid my head near the opening and waited to see if I heard anything.

I passed the next hour or so in a doze, not really asleep but definitely not awake. Did I hear anything? I have no idea, was there anything there to hear? I doubt it but I was on tender hooks none the less. I would say that I was fully reawaken at around 07:30. Up in my nest it was still silence, there were not yet any sounds of the school coming to life. There was no Hue and Cry, so it felt safe to say that my whereabouts was still known only to our select few..!

I moved the chair that I had hauled up the ladder the night before to in front of the window. Standing without the chair to see out the window and look right down the road was somewhat of an effort, I was that little bit too short. Yet now with the chair I was just too high. My solution was to move the chair maybe a foot back from the window and lean a little forward, thus leaving me at the optimum hight to see the best out of the window.

I was in this position when to my horror I heard noises coming from down below me on the ladder. Bugger, I was trapped, I had nowhere to flee. Damn what was I to do? Ok I thought, nobody knows I’m here stay silent. It could be people just behind the stage, don’t panic. For me the best thing was to take a quick glimpse down the ladder and see if or what was happening.

A deftly as I could I stepped down from the chair and tiptoed to near the ladders edge, here I got on my hands and knees and then very slowly peered over the edge. What I saw gladdened my heart. It was non other than the smiling face of Mark Pickering about 8 rungs short of my nest.

To be honest I could have cried, but real men do not do that sort of thing, definitely not in front of a mate. So I assisted Mark up into my Nest. My golly was I happy to see him. A great man called Maslow once wrote that in addition to the basic requirements of nutrition, air and temperature regulation, the physiological needs also include such things as shelter and clothing. Maslow also included sociability in this level of the hierarchy of needs since it is essential to the survival and propagation of the species.

As I had not seen nor spoken to a soul since 17:00 the previous day and Mr Maslow was right it does a body good to have sociability. Not only was it good to see and chat with Mark, but he was also the bearer of gifts. I wish I could tell you of the treasure trove of goodies that Mark gave me. Were that my memory was so sharp today. But what I do remember was a packet of chocolate biscuits. They tasted like mana from heaven.

Mark brought other goodies too, but those biscuits hit the spot. While we were up in the nest trying to be as quiet as door mice, more noises were heard below. Without a care in the world Mark looked over the edge down the ladder and told Andy Wynn to hurry up..! Moments later the three of us were unloading the bag of goodies Andy had managed to bring from home.

Like the two awesome friends they are, they had kept their word. And now here I was up in the nest with a huge selection of items to enable me to survive. Two nicer friends I could not have wished for. Mark and Andy had now to disappear and continue with daily school life as if nothing were wrong. They would keep an ear out for any gossip flying around the school with reference to a missing child. And also check in with Jeff and Gary as to what was being done to track me from the adult world.

A plan was put in place for the guys to visit me at the end of the school day, just to check in and take a list of any requirements that I may need. There was never any promise of procuring my desires, but they did say they would do their best.

I’m not at all sure who supplied what on that first day but once they had both left I took stock of the things the guys had equipped me with. Over the course of one night the guys had provided me with a sleeping bag, torch, gas cooker with two pots, a cup, knife, fork and spoon. Water container, a radio, and a huge variety of food, some fresh but mostly tins. Not forgetting the chocolate biscuits.

Even though Andy and Mark had now left me to my own devices I must say my confidence was high. I had Water, Food, Shelter, and Sociability. Mr Maslow would have been proud of me..!

Settling in and getting a routine.

Through Friday I had lots of time to take stock of my situation and work a few things out. Jeff and Gary had told Mark and Andy that the Council were not overly impressed with Ron. Gary and Jeff had been through the inquisition over my whereabouts. But because we had not told them where I was they had no information to give up willingly or not..! They didn’t even know I was in School.

The council had made it clear that every effort was to be made to find me and get me to a secure location back under the councils protection. This in the eyes of the council was back with Ron…

I on the other hand was having none of that.. no matter how long it took. I was not returning to Ron. So I had to settle into my nest for the long haul. And this is what I did. Having taken stock of my immediate surroundings I realised both of my little rooms needed a good clean. So it was down the ladder to get a broom and other cleaning items from behind the stage.

I did the best I could at sprucing up my little rooms and was quite proud when it was all done. I could touch things now without getting dirty hands or causing clouds of dust..! I started to relax and decided to listen to the Radio. But before I could do that I needed to do a sound check. I turned the radio on and kept the volume relatively low. I then headed off down the ladder. At about six steps down I could no longer hear the radio. So now I had a maximum volume that I could safely listen to with no fear of detection, even from wandering hostiles far below.

Friday evening after school Andy, Mark and I had a Chinese Parliament. This is where you sit around and have a discussion about all and everything. Nothing is off the table, no idea too bizarre or foolish. Each idea is discussed then put to one side to be used or rejected.

A couple of the things that became obvious was if I were to see the guys coming into school they had to walk up the right side of the roadway to make them visible for longer. Also if a visit was to happen before school started then they would touch their heads. For a lunch time visit their stomach would be touched, and if after school then they would stop and touch their feet, as if to tighten a shoe lace. It was a simple code but it worked.

Things like extra food requirements for weekends, as it would be best for the guys not to approach school after hours as that would cause suspicion. Also I didn’t want my school work to slacken off so Andy and Mark who were both in my classes in school kept me abreast of class work. The reasoning behind this was so on my eventual return to society I would not get farmed off to another class.

One great benefit I had within the school was that the school library was not locked at night so once the caretaker had done his rounds and I had given him a good hour to settle down. It was off to the library for me. I would probably read a book in a day and a half, sometimes in a day. Then the next evening it was back to the library for more mind food. The beauty of having access to the books meant that through reading I could transpose myself out of my little room to wondrous places around the world. Places I promised myself I would go and see one day.

Alaska, under the great Pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Golden Buddha, seeing Lions and Elephants on safari. To sail the Indian ocean on a Dhow. The books in my school library fed my imagination as well as helping pass the time up in my little nest. And for this I am truly grateful.

New discoveries in my school.

My time in hiding soon turned from days to weeks. And it soon became apparent that food was becoming an issue. Both Mark and Andy were rummaging through there mothers kitchens and having away anything that wasn’t nailed down. I cannot thank them both enough, nor their poor suffering mothers who though not having any idea of what was going on must have been wondering who was eating all their food..!

Mark did tell me months later once I had returned to the real world. That his mother on finding out what Mark had done, told him that she had suspected her husband of coming home late from work and he was raiding the fridge. She thought this because nothing disappeared during the day or early evening. She also never mentioned it to her husband as he worked hard and wasn’t putting on weight. I can only thank Mrs Pickering for her tolerance..!

At one of our Chinese Parliament’s it was decided we needed help on the food front. The solution we decided on was to invite another friend Tim Sharman into our circle of trust. In the hope his mother had a well stocked kitchen. Once Tim had been briefed to what we had been doing, and for how long. He was more than willing to help. Soon my food supplies were healthily stocked again.

Having food is one thing, cooking it is another. Some foods are OK cold, like Spam, tins of Spaghetti Hoops. But it is rather nice, certainly for your mental state to eat warm cooked food. The situation I had was, that I only had a Gas Burner that did one pot. This meant hot food or a hot drink. I just did not have the Gas reserves to do both. My solution came from a very bizarre place.

One night as I was heading to the library when I noticed a light on in a classroom I had to walk past. I had encountered this before. It was not a great problem. It just ment that I did not want to give my presence away by my silhouette passing in front of the light for all to see if they were looking. My solution was easy, back track and go up stairs and over the offending room, or totally go around it. If I could I would look into the room from afar just to check it was just a random light left on. And that there was no human activity present. One can never be too careful…

This evening my detour took me along a less-travelled part of the school. It took me along the Home Economics corridor. Somewhere that I as a guy would not normally go, there were guys who did. They attended classes in Home Economics and went on to become Chef’s and the like. But for me, I travelled the woodworking path, a totally different part of the school. This area was a little new to me.

As I was walking down the corridor as I did every night I would try all the door handles. This was so I knew if I heard footsteps which doorway I could slip behind and hide. As I got to the door in the middle of the corridor the door silently opened with just a gentle twist of my wrist. What was beyond the door was a cornucopia, a veritable treasure chest.

What I had stumbled upon was the Home Economics Class, in here was a utopia of goodies. This department was run by a lady called Mrs Vaughan Thomas. I knew her as the cookery teacher. I didn’t realise, that beyond cooking, she exposed her students to the whole world of home management. And to facilitate this she had at her disposal, a compleat little Flat laid out in her department. And I had just walked into it.

There was a TV, Radio Gram, Settee and Chairs, Coffee Table, Sideboard, Lamps…But what got me excited was the fully functional kitchen. Resplendent with pots and pans, plates, knives and forks. You name it it was there…! I had now secured a place where I could heat up my food. Leaving my little gas cooker just for a hot drink at midday up in the nest.

Here I could warm food up properly, make toast, coffee, boils eggs. There was no limit to what was on offer now. I could within reason cook any and all of my supplies here. Why not..? In the dark, I had a good look around, taking stock of what was available, and making mental notes for the future. I wish I could have bottled the feelings that I experienced then. I was on a truely positive high. No dodgy substances involved, just high on life…!

Closing the door quietly behind me I hurried back to the Nest. I had just about had it with cold food. It was time to strike while the iron was hot so to speak. Who knows, the door may be locked tommorrow. Up in the nest I selected a tin of Spaghetti Hoops, a tin of Spam and the remaining half a loaf of bread that I had. Then I made my way silently back to the Home Economics Department. My new favourite place in school.

Once back in the Flat area, I had to give some thought to my actions before doing anything. Mrs Vaughan Thomas if she was like any other woman I have ever had the pleasure of being around. She would know exactly where everything was in her kitchen at home. But this Kitchen she spent longer in than the one she had at home, here she spent her working day. I would have to be very careful not to foolishly give my presence away. I could not aford a slip up.

So with that in mind, I decided though there was lots of equipment to use. I would be minimalistic. I would only use one pan, the tin opener and one spoon on this trial run. The contents of both tins were poured in to the pan and the spam chopped into small chunks with the spoon. A drizzle of water was added to stop the contents sticking to the pan, then onto the hob to heat it through. Stiring occasionally so it didn’t burn.

How can I describe that meal? In all honesty it should have been awarded a Michelin Star. Great Orators should be roaming our hallowed halls of learning telling everyone about it. To me it was that good. I ate it out of the pan with a few slices of unbuttered bread. Using the last slice to wipe the pan base clean…! For a few moments I sat there on the settee basking in my glory, I had a full stomache of warm food, something that I could repeat in the future.

But the time for basking would have to wait. I now had to tidy up and make myself scarce. So washing the pan, tin opener and spoon, I replaced them exactly where I got them from. Then collected my empty tins and bread bag, and had one final check that I was leaving everything as I had found it. Then I slipped off back into the night hoping my presence would not be detected.

I had many meals there, but that first one was divine. I really must take my hat off to Mark, Andy and Tim without whose support my endeavor would have been a failure from the start.

I must be honest, I did have some really comical food combinations. Some worked, others I just had to man up and just eat. I didn’t have the food to waste or be picky. May I just add to any person eating on a budget…Stay well away from Anchovies. They are the Devils work, and will repeat on you for days. And have a smell that takes hours to get rid of.

My favourite meals were generally pasta based. I would cook the pasta in my single pan until really cooked. I prefer soft pasta. Then I would add the Tin of the day straight into the pasta water. Mix it well and have a sort of Pasta Soup. Some things worked well others not so. Good things were Spam, Corned Beef, Two or three eggs. Tins of Soup.

Things that didn’t work so well was anything powder based, as it would tend to lump up and not mix well. This was not easy to detect in the dark. And many a time I would get a spoon full of Pasta with a powder bomb hidden inside. But over all I must say with the assistance of Mrs Vaughn Thomas’s Home Economics Department I ate well.

I have to be honest and declare that my survival up in the nest was no real hardship. I was warm and dry, with ample food and water. My friends visited me regularly and I had free access to the library to stimulate my mind.

Were I outside roughing it in the wilds in some forest I’m sure I would be telling a different tale, one of sorrow and hardship. My survival success was totally down to my awesome friends and their unwavering support. And for this I will be forever in their debt.

In this life or the next if ever they need my help. They need only ask. And I’ll be there like a shot.

My existence as the Harbourn Hill School Ghost proceeded quite well. I had good food, great facilities to cook it. Hot showers and access to the school library to stimulate my mind. Daily visits from my friends. Life for the moment was good.

As the days passed and I wasn’t discovered. I knew that I could not exist here for ever at some point I would have to come out of hiding and face the music. This was an event I didn’t relish. I had not seen the real outside world for weeks. And not being totally stupid I was sure that I had annoyed and inconvenienced a lot of people.

While up in the water tower one evening I decided that the time was right for me to venture out. I gave my plan some serious thought. Because I just could not casually walk in and out of school, way too many people knew me and knew I was missing.

I would have to leave and re enter in stealth mode. The solution I came up with was to leave school out of the rear entrance at about five o’clock in the morning. Using the cover of darkness to hide my movements. I would return the same way in the dark. I decided that I would try the next day while I was still enthusiastic. I would need to be well rested as tomorrow was going to be a long day, so it was early to sleep for me.

Waking up early was no problem. I quickly dressed, descended down to the School Main Hall and headed towards the back of the school. Now, I knew fully well that the school doors were securely locked and that went for all ground floor windows too. Were I to leave one open it would just draw attention to my means of entry and exit. I would have to be more cunning.

The solution to my dilemma I had read about in the real life exploits of a KGB spy. This gentleman needed a way of keeping a self locking door from doing just that ‘Self Locking’

The manner in which he achieved this was to take out the insole of his shoe, peel off the top layer and fold it into three or four thicknesses then once he had opened the door he inserted the folded material into where the spring loaded lock would sit in the opposit door jam once the door closed again. This prohibited the door from locking yet the door would look to all intents and purposes closed and locked.

I was going to do this on the rear fire door. But I wasn’t going to vandalise my fairly new Clarks school shoes. I had brought along a strip of cardboard. I understand that cardboards soft and that there may have been a likelyhood of is slowly getting squeezed and enabling the lock to lock. But it is not just about folding the cardboard. You must bend it over its self, thus resulting in a rockhard piece of cardboard.

Now, I’m sure in times like today the Fire Doors of school are wired up to the local Fire Brigade. And if one were to open one, Half of Birminghams finest fire fighters would decend on you in minutes. Yet thankfully in the more relaxed erra of my school days this was not the case. One could open and close the fire doors at will, though frowned upon, it was posible.

So cardboard at the ready I opened the fire door. I inserted into the lock the piece of bent cardboard, then from the inside I tested if it worked by closing the door. Yes from where I stood the door looked closed and locked. Now not touching the lock or door handle I gently pushed the door with my foot.

Like the wardobe door to Narnia, or the front door to 221B Baker Street. It slid open without a sound. For this I would like to thank The Academy of Foreign Intelligence previously known as the Red Banner Institute one of the primary espionage academies of Russia, and previously the Soviet Union, without who’s assistance the door would have remained locked.

So to secure the door from the outside I used another folded piece of cardboard as a wedge, but this time I used it so as to be trapped by the closeing door. In effect jamming the door closed. I did this as I didn’t want the door to swing open on its own, or get blown open by the wind.

My route into Birmingham from the back of school..!

Now just as the begings of dawn started to peep over the area of Richmond Hill Rd, I had to make myself scarce. Sticking close to the trees that were at the edge of the sports area I head towards Belgrove Close and a piece of school fence I knew to be damaged and my way out into the wilds of Birmingham.

Once I had left the school grounds, I relaxed a bit. It was good to be out in the fresh air. Though I did look a little disheveled, I was clean and presentable. And a kid wandering the streets of Birmingham in a school uniform did not look out of place that early in the morning…!

However I knew that I could not roam the streets all day. Birmingham council had a bevy of school truant officers all on the lookout for wayward kids not in school. I could not afford to run into one of those..! I need a place of sanctuary, where I could blend in or disappear. It also had to be free, as I had no money, warm and dry would be a huge bonus and within walking distance…!

By the time I had walked to the junction of Summerset Rd and Edgbaston Park Rd. I had made my decision. I was going to head for Birmingham Library. In the hope a kid sat quietly reading in a far off corner of the library would just be left alone. My walk north to the fiveways round about and Broad Street flew by, it was good to be able to stretch my legs, and my rapid movement kept the cold at bay as it was a tippicaly chilly morning. The only down side to my trip was that I was making too good a time and the library would not be open. So I took a detour down Gas Street Basin to the Canal. In the hope of seeing some Canal boats and burning up a bit of time.

I wasn’t disappointed there were boats there, just not the gaily coloured house boats I was thinking of. Rather the dark dirty busy looking boats of hard working people making a living on the canals. Even though they were not picture postcard boats they were interesting enought to watch as they started their morning routine. I must have wasted a good hour watching them.

Back on Broad St. It leads you directly to the Library of Birmingham. As I recall Birmingham Library was a horrible monstrosity of a building, looking like a badly shaped, and poorly stacked collection of boxes. With a sloping set of huge steps leading to its entrance. Totally spoiling the 1880 Chamberlain Memorial Fountain, which I feel is a work of Art that is found infront of the Library.

The Monstrosity of Birmingham Library, but it was warm and dry..

So for me it was past the Fountain, up the stairs and into the library. There was a reception area where people could seek advice from a Librarian, but I gave that a wide birth and headed into the depths of the Library. I knew where I was heading, up to the Greek Mythology section. I was going to while my day away with Apollo, Poseidon and Zeus…

I must give credit to the Library, as the outside looks shockingly bad. The inside was fantastic, especially to me. It was warm dry and very comfortable, with secluded reading areas. Just what a chap on the run needs. Could it get any better?

Now, I’m not a religious sort of person. I have never been a God botherer. But there is a little bit of me that believes in Fate and Karma. Perhaps by choosing the Greek Gods to read about I had triggered some benevolence from them, because at about Ten O’clock the library seemed to fill with school children. They were all over the place, and I was just another one blending in…

They say time flies by when you are having fun, perhaps it’s the same when you are battling with the invading army of Persians led by Xerxes, while stood shoulder to shoulder with King Leonidas. Books can take you anywhere and into any time zone, they truely are Time Machines for the mind.

Four o’clock seemed to rappidly approach and I felt it best to make a move as the other school classes were getting assembled in order to leave. And I did not need any well intentioned member of staff asking me where the rest of my class were. So very nochalontley I made my way back out into the crisp evening air. It felt like I had just spent nearly seven hours surounded by hundreds of people yet nobody had actually seen me.

It got me to thinking about our Old, Infirm, Disabled and Destitute on the streets. You can be there just not seen. I did find that sad, in seven hours not a single soul had spoken to me. Which don’t get me wrong was ideal for me. But it did set me wondering.

With deep thoughts in my head I found myself on Bristol Street, The A1 Bus runs the lenght of Bristol street and takes you south to Edgbaston, and the Cricket Grounds. And who lives near there but my dear old mate Andy Wynn.

So with renewed vigour in my step I started to head down the Bristol Rd. Blending in with the myriad of other kids heading home from school. I had no idea what I was going to do when I got to Andy’s street. Maybe wait outside see if he was there, Walk on by and head back to school. I just had not thought of my options, to be honest in my mind I was just wandering around to kill time, so it would get dark and I would be able to head back to school and the nest and some food.

Andy’s family lived on Sir Harry’s Rd, about the Third House on the left as you enter it from the Bristol Rd. I had just passed Susan and Ruth Routledges house they live on the Bristol Rd, when there I was at the end of Andy’s Rd. I had no idea what to do, but as I was there it seemed stupid to waste the oppertunity of a visit.

And thats how I found myself knocking on Andy’s frontdoor. I’m not at all sure who answered the door, but the whole family was home. Andy, Mandy his sister, his Mum and Dad and their Dog. I was greeted at the door then Andy arrived with a look of shock. He and I stayed at the door, him quickly asking if everthing was OK… I said yes and that I was out and about getting fresh air for the day.

Now feeling that everything was OK he invited me into his home. We sat in his living room under the pretext of sorting out home work. Andy’s mum popped her head in on occasion to ask if we wanted a cup of tea, this was gladly accepted. Then about tifteen to twenty minutes later I was asked if I would like to stay for Tea. The thought of real food cooked by someone else on a real plate dispelled all of my cautionary instincts, and I gladly accepted.

I have no distinct memory of what we ate. But I do recall that we were all seated at the table, Mandy, Andy, Jerry myself and Andy’s Mum. During the ongoings of the meal, which I must add I was enjoying immensely. Andy’s Mum disappeared into the hall way to conduct a phone call, something to do with her work…! Moments later, Jerry was called to the phone…An event that I and Andy paid no mind to as we were feasting. And young boy’s can only focus on one thing at a time…!

After a short while Andy’s Mum and Jerry returned to the table. And then the conversation turned to me. The questions were polite. Things like “How was I feeling, How had I been keeping…?” Then from Andy’s Mum..”Are You The John Gardner We Have Spent Weeks Looking For..?”

“We..?” I asked back. “Yes we, I’m a police woman..” Replied Andy’s Mum. “We have been looking everywhere for you…!”

Well that was it the Gig was Up. While sat at the dinning table, there was no option of making a run for it. So I resigned myself to being caught. Well I had to surrender myself in at some point so why not now..? And nobody was screaming or shouting at me. So lets see what happens.

While I sat at the dinning table a few things shot through my mind. I was aware Andy’s Dad was a Taxi Driver, Andy had told me and he was very proud of how hard his father worked. But how in the name of all the Gods including the Flying Spaghetti Monster could he miss out on telling me his Mum was a Police Officer…!

Now don’t get me wrong, I was fully aware that I had upset an awful lot of people with my disapearing trick. And hasty phone calls were being made and received, mainly by Andy’s Mum. Eventually there was a lull in the phone calls and it was explained to me that ‘The Chap’ from the council Child Care Department was going to come and take me back to Ron and Valery’s. The Council were adamant that I be returned to my legal guardians.

So there was I, a young kid, who had fled from a bad relationship. And the piority for the Child Care Services was to return me to that very same environment..! Well if I had anything to do with it that was not going to happen. The calmest and most reasonable person in those particular moments was Andy’s Mum. She came and sat with me to explain the councils wishes. It was at this point I made it clear to her that I did not wish to return to Ron’s care…! I had already sampled his care and attention..! And was not overly keen to return to it..!

So I made it quite clear that if I was to be returned to Ron’s care I would abscond again at the earliest opportunity, That very night if I could..! More phone calls were made, some very heated exchanges were given. Then Andy’s Mum and Jerry came and joined us kids in the living room. To lay out the plan.

As I recall an ammicable solution had been found. As it was late, it must have been close to eight in the evening by now. And the council would have difficulty securing a foster home for me at such short notice. And as Valery and Ron’s was out of the question. Andy’s Mum decided that I should remain with family Wynn for the night. And a decision about me would be worked out on the morrow. This decision the council agreed to, and I must say here started a truly wonderful phase of my life with the awesome family that is Family Wynn..!

Before I disclose things about Andy’s family I feel that I should seek his permission and approval, so the next chapter dear readers must be put on hold until that is done. So as they say on the radio, “Stay tuned, there is more to come…! Don’t touch that dial…we will be right back…!”

Berlin to Bavaria through East Berlin and East Germany.

Well, it’s the 11th of October 2022. I’m sitting in my home in Thailand watching and listening to the rain as the monsoon refreshes everything. My coffee is sitting on the table next to me, and Bear is enjoying ravaging a bone I gave him moments ago.

Bear and his bone.

It’s during moments like this when I cannot go anywhere or do anything that I sit with my coffee and reflect on times gone by. I don’t write my journeys for anyone else’s pleasure. However, if anybody gets enjoyment reading my chronicles then that’s a bonus. I write to relive the moments and refresh the wondrous memories I have. Bringing back to life in writing the awesome people that I engaged with in those places and during those moments.

So where do I start with this one? Well if you the reader refer to my other writings you will know that I was stationed with the military in Berlin. I also was present for the wondrous historical moment of the wall coming down on November the 9th 1989. Though I was stationed in Berlin, my place of work was the Berlin Adventure Training Center Bavaria. Some ten hours drive away as we had to travel the military corridor to Helmstedt before heading south. Not the most direct route to Steibis.

My reporting date for work back at Steibis was the 22 of November. So I had time to engage with the massive influx of East Germans to West Berlin. But my focus was on my trip south. While sat in the NAFFI having a coffee break and voicing my woes about my upcoming ten-hour journey. One of the guys I was sat with said “Sod going via Helmstedt, go out the southern checkpoint at Waltersdorfer Chausee, then just drive south through East Germany.” I asked around the table about the legalities of this, and the general conscientious was that it should be OK.

A company clerk, who was also sitting with us said he would look into it and call me later..! True to his word he called me on the phone in my office about an hour later. He made it clear to me that on paper it was doable. However, nobody had done it yet. I would be the first. And if I drove all the way across Berlin to be turned around just because a Russian didn’t like my face then that would add two hours to an already long journey to Helmstedt. The risk he said was all mine.

Well as with most great decisions in life. I decided to sleep on it. Waking the next morning feeling well-slept and fully refreshed at a comfortable 9:30. I headed over to the NAFFI, the idea was to grab a coffee and mull over the idea a little more. The reality was I bought a large pack of Jumbo Mars Bars, several sandwiches and two tins of Coke. Vital supplies for my journey. Looks like I had made my decision. As the NAFFI was almost empty at this early hour there was nobody to talk me out of my crazy plan. So my journey was on..!

With a little excitement in my step, I headed back to my accommodation to pack my stuff and load my car. One thing all my years as a Scout, Scout Leader and member of her Majesty’s Armed Forces has taught me, it is to travel light. So loading my trusty Rover 216 S didn’t take long and I was soon on my way to Berlin Zoo. The Zoo you may well ask? Yes, this is where, if you were in the know. One could meet nefarious people who dealt in the Black Market and traded US Dollars at an awesome exchange rate of 21 to one. As I would be travelling through East Germany I would need East Marks for Fuel and food stops.

Berlin Zoo, If you know who to look for great exchange rate deals can be had.

Once I had completed my dodgy dealings and had a fist full of East Marks I was on my way to Checkpoint Charlie. I had to pass through Checkpoint Charlie as that was still the only official way into the East for Military Personnel even though the wall had been breached in many other locations. And I certainly did not want to upset anyone and get turned back at the last minute. So ID Card, Passport and NATO Travel Order in hand I entered the Porter Cabin that was Checkpoint Charlie. Once inside you approach the counter and present your details. Get logged in officially then you are off into the east and have to return to the west before Midnight.

This was where I crossed into the East.

I have no idea who said it but someone said “Nothing is ever easy in this life..!” I strongly believe that the British Royal Military Police are placed strategically around the world as the embodiment of that Quote. The first guy I saw was an RMP corporal. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, ok he was just doing his job. He had never dealt with a non-returning transit before. But his blanket statement of “You cannot do that you must go via Helmstedt..!” was just not going to cut it with me..! His instant rejection had now set me on a mission..! I was going south and this spotty teenager with no sense of adventure was not going to stop me.

I have found over many years that if you are not getting satisfaction while communicating with a Minion just go up a level to his boss. My next encounter was with the Desk Sergeant. This chap wasn’t much older. But one must be wary of young newly promoted people they have unused power straining in the traps waiting to be let loose on the unwary. I was not unwary, nor was this my first encounter with the Military Police.

The sergeant’s take on this was first, that if the Corporal said no that was it ‘No… Final, End Of Subject. Move On..!’ Well I was not prepared to move on. So remaining calm and speaking in a rather quiet tone so he has to actually listen to what I was saying. I asked. “On whose authority was he denying me the same free transit now afforded to the Public by the East German Government..?” I also wished to see the Directive in writing..!

Not at my request but at his the sergeant summons the Duty officer. A rather young Captain. With all that was happening around Checkpoint Charlie with the mass migration of thousands of East Germans, he had way more important things to be doing than mess about with one guy wishing to travel completely against the flow of the mass migration going on.

Why was I the only person heading East..?

To be fair to him he did listen to my plan and route and nodded in approval when I assured him my Major would phone here in the morning to confirm my safe arrival at Steibis. The Captain then asked the corporal and sergeant. Why this couldn’t be done? And were there any orders forbidding it..? The reply that it’s never been done before was dismissed. My Nato Travel order was Stamped and it was off through Checkpoint Charlie for me.

Once in the East of Berlin, it is like going through a Time Warp. Anything you have seen in the Movies or on TV just doesn’t do it justice. Things like bullet holes around the windows of the houses that are still in the forbidden zone. Street signs in Old Germanic script. I could go on but I don’t wish to deviate from my journey.

Once clear of the checkpoint area and in East Berlin proper. I drove down Waltersdorfer Chausee to the Russian Checkpoint where the Berlin Wall intersects the Road. During my drive down to the checkpoint, two things were obvious. I was the only western car around, and everyone I saw was heading in the direction I’d come from. The other side of the road was jam-packed with Trabant’s belching out black smoke from their two-stroke engines, and both pavements were solid with people walking into the centre of Berlin and the hope of getting into the West.

Waltersdorfer Chaussee. Heading to the border.

Just before I approached the Russian Checkpoint I saw a Car Park area on my right and decided to do my pre-Russian Checkpoint drills there. What are these drills you may well ask..! They are simple things but make your transit past the Russian guards so much simpler and faster. 1, Only have your Paperwork on display. 2, Get everything else out of sight. 3, Display your Transit Board.

So once I had parked I checked my paperwork was in order on the passenger seat. Slid my Thermos flask and Mars bars under the front seat out of sight. Then check that the blanket I had covering all my military gear on the back seat was doing its job.

Happy that I had everything in order I started up the car and was about to head to the Checkpoint when I saw a fairly large group of people holding signs standing just short of the entrance to the East German Immigration Office. They were holding signs to places all over West Germany. All in the hope of somebody leaving Berlin might give them a lift.

I was just about to drive off and continue my journey when I saw a young lady holding a sign to Kempten. Kempten is twenty minutes from the end of my journey. It would have been rude of me to drive passed and not inquire if it was the same Kempten I was heading to. So that’s just what I did. I pulled up alongside her and asked if her sign was for Kempten Bavaria? Her face lit up and in the slow English of someone who doesn’t use it much, she said yes, and that she was travelling from Dresden to Kempten to see her Grandmother.

I explained that I would happily take her all the way to her Grandmother as it was on my way home. There was utter disbelief on her face, yet she must have trusted me as she got in on my passenger side. Though she was amazed at scoring a lift all the way to Grandmothers she was a little more amazed at my electric widow going up on its own. She placed her small canvas bag between her feet and excepted to hold the Paper Work I gave her as we went through the Checkpoint.

There was abject fear on her face when I turned off the main road and headed to the Russian Checkpoint. I had to pull over and calm her down, explaining that I was Military and had to use this route. Thankfully I did, as the regular East German crossing point had massive tailbacks that would have delayed me for hours. Yet on the military corridor, I was the only person. While driving to the barrier I quickly explained the drill to my new travelling companion. At the Barrier, I would get out, salute the guard, and enter the porter cabin. Complete my paperwork, and then I would return to her. All she had to do was just sit in the car and do nothing. She must not get out, not speak to the Russian no matter what he says or ask’s. I made it clear to her that she was totally safe in the car, and I would lock the doors.

Waltersdorfer Chaussee Checkpoint.

So at the barrier, I stopped turned off the engine, got my paperwork, saluted the guard and headed to the office. Inside I presented my documents got my passport stamped and was quickly returning to the car. A final salute to the guard and I was reseated next to my new companion. Her relief was audible. The barrier was raised and we were on our way down the military corridor, this two-lane piece of the motorway is exclusively for military vehicles and runs parallel to the main road into East Berlin. Looking across I could see the tailback of traffic stretched for miles.

I have no idea what thoughts were rushing through this poor girl’s head. One moment she is stood alongside the road in the hope of a lift at least part way to her Grandmother. The next moment she is sat in a western car with windows that work themselves. With a guy whom Russian sentries salute and who drives down a totally empty motorway while the other roads are blocked solid with migrating East Germans. And It got crazier..!

Once we had cleared the Russian Security Towers and were driving in East Germany My new found friend started to relax. We swopped names hers being Cassandra. I was tempted to tell her she was named after the daughter of the King and Queen of Troy, but I was sure that tit bit would have been waisted. Instead I asked her how her journey had progressed so far.

She was happy to chat and was now much more relaxed. She told me she was in college in Dresden studying Politics and that she had got a lift earlier this morning with a chap in a Trabant. The only issue she had was although he had an eight-track stereo he only had a single cassette of Nana Mouskouri that he played on repeat.

I asked Cassandra if she enjoyed western music. Her reply was that she had only heard a little bit on the odd handful of cassettes that were passed around the college. I asked her who she liked, or what artists she could remember. She said she didn’t know names other than Michael Jackson and Elton John, and didn’t really know of any bands..!

Well time to amaze my guest again. I asked her to open the glove compartment in front of her and take out the plastic container. This was my travelling music CD collection of about 50 CDs of various artists including Elton and Michael. A quick introduction on how to use the CD player and we were Rocking to Elton John..! Cassandra was like a kid in a sweet shop once she was familiar with the Skip Function and Eject button she was in musical heaven…!

The drive through East Germany was going OK, the scenery was engaging, and the music was pumping. We were passing lots of rolling countryside with the odd town or city thrown in for good measure. I had decided to cut under Berlin along the A10 to the A9 that heads south to Leipzig and beyond. The only problem I encountered was the actual road surfaces. When the East German Autobahns were built, they were laid out in 75-meter lengths of concrete then to allow for summer heat expansion, and winter contraction an inch-thick strip of bitumen was laid. Then the next concrete was poured. This results in you driving along and encountering a Fudump every 12 seconds or so as you bump the bitumen..!

To say that this Fudump is annoying is an understatement. Driving slower results in only a delayed Fudump. So my solution was to speed up…. a lot. Fast enough to reduce the Fudump to a purr…! And as we were more or less the only traffic apart from the odd Trabant and Lorry things were progressing beautifully.

People who know me appreciate that I am a ‘Coffee lover.’ I don’t drink tea, it’s the devil’s work, made worse when milk is added. Well as we had been travelling for a few hours now I asked the fair Cassandra if she would like a Coffee. Her reply was really sweet. She told me yes she would like a coffee but did not have the budget to buy one, but if I wished to stop and get one she would happily wait in the car.

Yet again she was amazed when I told her we were not stopping for coffee, as I had it with me. I instructed her to feel for the metal thermos under her seat. This she did and looked at it in wonder. In East Germany, thermos flasks are made of Tin with a Glass insert with a screw or cork lid. Here she was holding a complete stainless steel one with two cups and a unique pouring system where you don’t need to remove the lid. Just a tiny bit of guidance and we were zooming south enjoying our coffee.

There were three more, how shall I put it…! Interesting encounters on our journey south. The first was, I would say a 50-50 shout between me and the Trabant driver. Me, for travelling as fast as I could, and him for not checking his mirrors for a western driver travelling at 120 miles an hour screaming up behind him. The Trabant driver was sat in between two fairly large lorries, I presume he had overtaken one and was waiting for a downhill section of road to complete his manoeuvre on the second lorry, as his little Trabant need all the assistance it could get to overtake anything.

I was looking ahead up the road, and all seemed well I saw the two lorries. My plan was to just carry on and overtake both lorries in one move by remaining in the outside lane, at that time no need to reduce speed as the road was clear.

Well, it was until ‘Mr Trabant’ decided to pop out from between the two lorries and cut me up like a Kipper..! Thank the Gods for ABS braking…! I must have left half a years rubber along that stretch of the A9…! Cassandra saw her life flash before her eyes. Mr Trabant never made his overtaking manoeuvre and slid back into the gap between the lorries, where he probably stayed till his destination..!

I, on the other hand, played it cool. I didn’t scream obscenities at the Trabant, I would have had I been alone. I just continued driving as normal… Perhaps just a little slower, and I put my headlights on..!

The second interesting encounter happened just after Mönchgrun while still on the A9..! This is where the four-lane motorway reduces to a two-lane motorway as it crosses a River via an Old Girder Bridge. I was zooming along nicely totally unaware the bridge was approaching fast. Well, that was until a ‘Nice East German Policeman Stood in the middle of the road waving his little red stop lollypop.’ More rubber was deposited on the A9, as I stopped just in front of the Policeman who rightly took a few steps back..! I would have too.

From my right came another policeman, I slid down the passenger window and the policeman addressed me in English, having noted my Nato Plates and UK Flag on my transit board. “Sir you failed to recognise the 100km marker, you failed to recognise the 80km marker, you also failed to recognise the 60km marker and you nearly hit my colleague. I shall have to write you a ticket.”

A nice Policeman and his Lollypop..!

How was I to get out of this one, he had me bang to rights. I was guilty as hell.! Thinking on my feet I explained to him that I was in fact British Military from Berlin, and we as an occupying power did not recognise the authority of the East German Police Force. Could I be permitted to continue my journey..?

He looked at my military ID which I had offered him, and then without blinking he replied. ” Yes you are a special case, I shall call for a Russian Military Police Man. That could take hours or days..! Or I could write you a Ticket..?”

He had me with my trousers down and over the barrel, he knew it, and he knew I knew it too. “Well, you had better write me a ticket my friend I said…! He walked back to the police hut grinning from ear to ear…!

On his return, he held in his hand the ticket pad that I had to sign. My speeding ticket was 725 Marks. I reached into my ashtray where I kept my Dollars and East marks and once I had signed his pad I gave him 800 East Marks and said “Please keep the change.” I said this not in a condescending way, but because I know how badly they are paid. He replied, “I’m sorry you cannot do that, I have to give you your change.” And he wandered off to get me my change.

While he was away I asked Cassandra to feel under her seat once again for the Mars Bars this she did and raised them with a flourish. Our smiling Policeman returned with my Blue receipt and my change. I thanked him and said that if I could not let him have the change could I perhaps give him and his friend who was still standing with his lollypop in front of my car some chocolate. To which he replied, “Yes that was OK.”

I asked him if he and his buddy had children, and the answer was Two and One, so I gave the Police officer five jumbo mars bars, one each for them and also for their children. And made ready to continue my journey. The officer’s parting words to me were, “You will slow down won’t you..?” My reply was… ” Probably not..!” And off into the early afternoon, we drove..! Please don’t misunderstand me I do not recommend speeding or reckless driving. For most of the Journey through East Germany apart from the odd lorry or tractor, we were the only vehicle on the road. And if there was a build-up of traffic I did slow down accordingly.

Mars helps you work rest and play..!

So encounter number three was a double whammy. As I had been rushing along my petrol gauge was rushing to the left, I needed fuel and rather quickly. Fortunately, we happened upon a Service Station of sorts. It had regular Pumps and a few caravans selling food and beverages. Being hungry by now it was time to fill the car and ourselves.

I dutifully got in line for my chosen petrol pump and when my turn came I asked the young man to fill the tank up. On completion, he approached my window and said 550 marks. No great drama. I reached for my ashtray once more and pulled out my East marks counted out 600 and offered them to the chap. I was about to say ‘Keep the change’ when he tried the old Bait and Switch routine. He said ” No… West Marks! You are a Foreigner..!

Now I would have happily let him keep the 50 marks change, more money than he would earn that day. But he tried to pull a fast one on me..! And I was not having any of it. Get me your Boss I said. His Boss eventually walked over from another Pump. “What country are we in..?” I asked him. ” Are we in East or West Germany here..?” “What currency do you use in East Germany… West or East Marks…?” He answered sort of to all my questions with a single answer “East..!” “Right, then I shall be paying in East Marks and I better get the correct change..!” I also added that I would be reporting the youth to the Russians when I get to the border..! The guy’s face went white..!

The Boss was apologising repeatedly, yet the young guy remained silent. Probably envisioning the rest of his life in a Gulag if the Russians got to him before freedom..! Now I’m not a vindictive sort of chap, so I did not report him to anyone. I just hope he learnt from our encounter.

Regular East German Petrol Station. Not the one I encountered.

Well, with all that excitement I was now ravenously hungry. I asked Cassandra if she wanted a Hot dog and a Coke. Her reply was again rather sweet, yes but no budget for it. I apologised and said I was sorry I meant as my treat to her for being so patient. This time I got a yes with a smile. I parked the car near the food caravans and Cassandra and I got out to order food. I approached the nearest caravan and asked for two hotdogs and two cokes. In my head, I envisioned two lovely Bratwurst in fresh buns and two chilled cans of coke.

Bratwurst, Heaven in a Bun..!

What was served was not even close. The Hotdogs still had charcoal stuck to them, as they were cooking not on a grill but had been laid on the charcoal. The Buns we could have used as cricket balls, they were that hard. And the Coke was sort of Afri Cola in a soft plastic bottle. I don’t recall what I paid for it, but the only edible part was the inside of the hotdog. I tried the cola and that was truly shocking. Most of what we had we put into the bin by the side of the van.

Fortunately, there were still surprises under Cassandra’s seat several NAFFI sandwiches and two can’s of real Coke…! So seated on a bench near the car Cassandra and I had a mini picnic in the fading evening light.

The Border crossing from East Germany to the West went as smooth as clockwork. In and out in seconds much too Cassandras’ relief. It would have been a nightmare had we been turned back there, and had to retrace our steps back to Berlin..!

Compared to the East German autobahns the west German roads were like silk, and I could now quite safely put my foot down. It wasn’t long into the evening when Nurnburg and then Munich flew past us and we could vaguely see the Alps from the Allgauer Tor where I stopped again for fuel and a quick coffee.

Kempten soon approached and I asked Cassandra for her family’s address. A quick check of the map and I knew exactly where to head for. The bit of Kempten that her Grandmother lives in is a complex of four blocks of flats. The second block was the one we required. Grandmother lived on the ground floor and I stood by the car until the door was opened the crying had stopped, and I had waved them both inside.

It was getting cold now, and I was glad to be back in the warmth of my car. Happy in my heart that I had done a good deed for the day. And shared wonderful memories and amazing experiences with Cassandra.

As I weaved my way through the final roads up to the Mountain Hutte that is ‘The Berlin Adventure Training Center Germany.’ I had one last reflection about Cassandra, and how, I would have loved to have been a Fly on the wall as she explained to Grandma about her day…!

The Garrison Pool, and little Jonny Gurkha.

So I suppose that I should explain why I was sitting in the back of a Military 4 tonne vehicle trundling through the streets of Hong Kong on my way to The Garrison Pool.

I have declared in my other writings that I was in the military. But the reason for this trip was to prove to the military that I was a Qualified Life Guard. On my arrival in Hong Kong, I was stationed in Gun Club Hill Barracks Kowloon.

It’s here that our battalion compleated lots of cerimonial duties, several border tours and regular military life. That was until someone had the bright idea to move our battalion to Stanley Fort on the far side of Hong Kong Island.

We were to Clean our Barracks and then hand the whole lot over to a Gurkha Unit. The Gurkhas were living in makeshift barracks up near the border with China. And now had the opportunity to move onto the Island. Gurkha soldiers are slightly different from your average Tommy. For example, if I instructed a regular British soldier to lets say ‘Sweep the Gym floor’. I could walk away and once the soldier had completed his task, he would come and find me to report the job complete. I would then go take a look, assuming all was satisfactory that would be fine. I would dismiss the guy or perhaps give him another task.

Not so with Jonny Gurkha. Let’s say I asked our Gurkha friend to do the same task. ‘Sweep the gym floor’ Jonny Gurkha would sweep the gym floor, and carry on sweeping the Gym floor until I returned and told him to stop.

With Gurkhas, you have to be very explicit in your tasking. This is in part because of the language barrier, and also they are trained to follow orders to the letter. But I must say I have worked closely with our Gurkha brothers and found them to be wonderful soldiers. I felt pleased that the Gurkha Unit was moving into real Barracks rather than the Nissan Hutte accommodation they had up near the Border.

On arrival at our new barracks over in Stanley Fort, things were not too bad. The barracks were much bigger than the small area of the Gun Club Camp. The accommodation was more modern and spacious. A big bonus for the families was that the housing was on camp not scattered around Hong Kong Island as Gun Clubs were.

Stanley Fort Barracks.

There was one fly in the ointment. The Unit Swimming Pool was closed. And there was a deep joy to be had once you had finished work, going for a splash around in the pool. The families were feeling it as well. Because it was a great place to entertain the kids.

It wasn’t until I passed a notice board that I discovered the reason for the pool closure. There, in Black and white was the reason. We as a unit had no lifeguard, and the pool was to remain closed until one was found or trained up.

Stanley Fort Pool.

Well, there was I, a thoroughly trained and qualified lifeguard with a certificate and even a badge on my shorts. Time to go see the Regimental Sergeant Major and have the travesty of the closed pool sorted and swiftly.

With my qualification in hand, I presented myself to the RSM. Though pleased to find out that the unit did in fact have a lifeguard. I was not overly impressed that I would have to go to the Garrison Swimming Pool and prove that I could rescue a rubber brick in my PJs. But hey it’s the army, they don’t make anything easy. And it would be a day out over the other side of the island.

So there I was sitting in the back of a 4-tonne Bedford truck trundling through the streets of Hong Kong. Our Gurkha driver had stopped at all the other major military establishments and I had been joined by quite a few other candidates for aspiring lifeguard posts.

Looking around the back of the Bedford it appeared to me that some people had not fully been briefed, or had not read the joining instructions for today’s trip. The letter I had read stated quite clearly the manner of dress for participants. And I think I was the only person in the correct dress. Red PT Vest, Ironed. Blue PT Shorts Ironed. Black Plimsolls, Highly polished. Green socks, Clean and turned down to four-fingers high. Carrying one Army towel, bathing shorts, and a set of PJs. The joining Instruction had been signed by a PT Corp RSM, and one tries not to upset them.

With a loud hissing of breaks, we stopped at the Garrison Pool. Where the PT Corp RSM was waiting for us. If you have ever seen the TV series ‘It Aint Half Hot Mum’ Winsor Davies plays a Sergeant Major. This Chap was just like him, but perhaps louder. He stood there resplendent in immaculate white everything. White vest, shorts, socks and plimsoles, with his RSM’s Pace-stick tucked neatly under his arm.

Imagine this Guys Twin But dressed in PT Whites.

As the driver lowered the tailgate of the Bedford, the RSM screamed out ” Everyone off the wagon. Get fell in on the line. Tallest on the Right Shortest on the Left”. As he indicated a white line that ran the length of the huge Olympic-sized pool.

Just as I thought, an inspection before any swimming. Well as I’m not a very tall chap I headed over to the left. It’s where I met Jonny Gurkha we were about the same height, and as the smallest, we were the last two guys on the left. The RSM was still screaming for people to get a move on, and toe the line shoulder-width apart.

It was at this moment I thought ‘I need a Shit Deflector’. So I nimbly stepped to Jonny Gurkhas’s right. Leaving him between me and the RSM.

For those of you who are not familiar with what a Shit Deflector is. It is a thing or other soldier that the person in authority can vent his anger on before they get to you, thus lessening the Shit you get from them considerably. Jonny Gurkha was going to be mine.

The RSM had called us to attention and was up the line still screaming at people for all manner of infractions. Hair is too long, the wrong footwear, incorrect towels. You name it he was ripping into each person he inspected.

To my left was Jonny Gurkha, with his dirty beret, totally wrong uniform, scuffed and unpolished boots, and no towel or PJs. On cue, the RSM arrived turning the air blue as he found fault after fault with Jonny Gurkha. Once he felt he had exhausted his wrath he moved on to me. Quite calmly he admonished me for scuffed plimsoles then back to full volume screamed: “Right Everyone in the changing room, you have two minutes to get changed and be back on the line in swimming kit.”

Having the least kit to change I was first back and took my place on the line. Way longer than two minutes the final people rushed out of the changing rooms and took their spots. Jonny Gurkha stood next to me wearing what looked like a linen scarf wrapped around him, definitely not army-issue swimwear.

Once we were all back on parade the RSM instructed us that the first part of the test was to climb to the top of the high board a height of 15 meters. We were to approach the edge, then step off, enter the water come up to the surface, swim two lengths then get out of the pool without using the ladders.

So at a jog, off we went leading from the far end of the line nearest the ladders. Up they went. Splash they came down one after the other. Jonny Gurkha was on the ladder in front of me. I could tell by the way he was not happily climbing the ladder this was unfamiliar ground for him.

At last, we got to the dive platform, there were two chaps in front of us to go then it was time for Johnny Gurkha and finally me.

Now as a Rock Climber and Mountaineer I have no fear of heights. But that is not the same for everyone and my Gurkha friend was uneasy up here, to say the least. He was hanging onto the guard rail with both hands and a look of abject fear on his face.

The RSM went to his default tool for situations like this and started screaming at Jonny Gurkha which really didn’t help matters. I on the other hand calmly said “It’s easy just copy me. And I stepped off the edge and plunged into the water below. Swam my two lengths and without the aid of the ladder climbed onto the Poolside.

During my swim, the RSM had been using all manner of cajoling to try and entice the poor chap off the edge to no avail. As I was drying myself off. The RSM screamed ” If you do not jump off that board I shall come up those steps and shove this Pacestick up your arse and turn you into a popsicle” and he then headed toward the steps.

It was at this point that Jonny’s fear of the fall was overtaken by his fear of the RSM and his Pace-stick. With a lost and forlorn look on his face, Jonny stepped off the edge. I would like to say he gracefully entered the water. Yet sadly this was not the case he in his innocence looked down for his landing, resulting in his body toppling forward. There was a loud slap as he belly-flopped into the water and sank swiftly to the pool floor.

Irrespective of what English Physicist Stephen Hawking said, time does stand still. It certainly did the moment Jonny Gurkha hit that water. Nobody moved, we just stood there, willing him to start swimming. I’ve no idea for how long the universal clock stood still. It may have been but a few seconds or an age. Then as one, there was a collective gasp. And at that exact moment, the RSM stripped his top off and in one swift motion like a Diving Cormoran plunged into the pool.

Surfacing with our Gurkha friend held firmly in one hand by the scruff of his neck, and his other arm executing perfect breaststroke actions until he reached the pool edge.

We helped our wet and spluttering comrade out of the water and laid him by the pool edge. The RSM now also out of the pool stood over him and demanded to know what in the Hell was he thinking, attending a Life-Saving Course if he couldn’t swim.

Jonny Gurkhas’s reply will live with me forever. Wiping the bubbles of spit and water from his face he looked at the RSM and said, “But Sir I’m Only The Driver..!”

Further Travels down the Nile, Egyptologists and some of the issues I have with the mainstream narrative.

In other writings I have described the wonderful floating hotel I was on and the fantastic group of fellow travelers I was journeying down the Nile with. I was fulfilling a teenage dream; but as a retiree I finally had the time to realise that dream and walk in the footsteps of the Pharaohs. I was now able to visit places and see those things I had only ever watched on TV or read about in books.

I was very impressed with our guide, Abdul, and with the treasured antiquities Luxor is abundant with; truly amazing. Yet I found that it was very hard to get Abdul or anyone for that matter to consider any deviation from the mainstream Egyptian narrative.

If you will indulge me, I’d like to use another internationally renown monument as an example; Stonehenge. If you go into any history book the Stonehenge mainstream narrative is set in stone..! Pun intended. What is never mentioned, and only gets a few sentences even in Wikipedia. Is the massive restoration of the site. Lt. Col. William Hawley excavated at Stonehenge between 1920 and 1927. He righted six stones, enabling the removal of the unsightly larch poles which had previously been supporting them. He set these stones in concrete beds after excavating the sockets.

Stonehenge

The site that people visit today is not at all how the original site was discovered. because  the archaeologists at that time felt this was how it should have been. (further explanation required – corroboration of the fact that there was no evidence whatsoever that the stones belonged where they put them. The follow up point is that the site is instantly recognisable and it’s how the site is portrayed even in textbooks, but you have to dig deep to find any reference to the stones being moved. I have included photos of the stones being moved but if you want to read the source click the following hyperlink – https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/inspire-me/blog/blog-posts/excavation-restoration-stonehenge-1950s-60s/?_ga=2.60354987.701403932.1654322129-1757060085.1654322129

Early Photo 1877. Extent of reconstruction..!

Re-Writing Stonehenge’s History..!

I have the same misgivings with some of the Egyptian sites.

Back at Luxor at the Temple of Amun. Originally, the temple was joined with Karnak by a long avenue of Sphinxes, many of which can still be seen today. What you see today in both temples is not how the temples were when they were discovered or release from the sands of time.

Before the 19th century excavation (RE-BUILD!) this was completely buried under the sands. Today renowned Egyptian scholars, such as the preeminent Zahi Hawass, are not embarrassed in the slightest to write scientific papers and tourist brochures that do not depict the truth; not even a single mention of the ‘artistic licence’ taken.

Taking a look at the coloured photo of Amun-Ra temple you can plainly see that the ram headed Sphinx(es? which is the correct plural) on the left of the entrance are on large plinth(s) (you wrote singular Sphinx but plural plinths) yet in the original black and white photo they are not. On the right we have fourteen Sphinxes, yet in the black and white original photo there are only four.

What we have here is a reconstruction not an excavation. Funded by UNESCO.

Yet sadly this is sold to the tourist’s as the real deal. They are told this is exactly how it was dug from the sand. And to be honest I hate being lied to by academia, do they feel that we are not mature enough to deal with the truth.

The Temple of Amun Ra. Two photos from approximately the same spot..!

Before the 19th century excavation (RE-BUILD) this was completely buried under the sands. Today Egyptian scholars like Zahi Hawass are not embarrassed to write scientific papers and tourist brochures that do not depict the truth.

Behind me on my left you can see the Re-Build in front of the Plinths.

Taking a look at the coloured photo of Amun -Ra Temple you can see that the Ram Headed Sphinx on the left of the entrance are on large plinths. Yet in the original Black and White photo they are not. On the right we have fourteen Sphinx, yet in the black and white original photo only four.

Some might say, “Don’t be stupid, there is no way extra Sphinxes would be made off site and transported to the temple..! If you did that you would be deceiving the public..!” In reality, not only deceiving the public but rewriting history! Others may say that it’s just not that big a deal, but I take exception to academics who bathe in our adulation having such scant regard for accuracy.

Made off site and being readied for transportation..!

What angered me was the obvious deception. There are the true artefacts, wonders of ancient times. Things that had been buried in the sands of time and are a joy to behold. Then there are the cheap knock offs. Or even worse deliberate rebuilds.

Let’s take a look at the quality of craftsmanship of a Ram Headed Sphinx at Luxor, and compare it with any at the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. It is like chalk and cheese. Why would all the other examples of these Sphinx be fantastically carved and exquisitely engraved. Yet those at the ‘Largest most Prestigious Site’ look mass produced..?

Look at the detail and skill involved here. Also the weathering of the stone. Even in the British Museum there is a Ram Headed Sphinx. It too looks way more intricately carved and weathered than any at the Temple of Amun-Ra.

Yet here at the Temple of Amun-Ra the craftsmanship is missing, so to is the detail and polishing. And considering these sphinx were meant to be under the earth for 3000 years they are amazingly pristine.

Way too Pristine and Clean for something buried for 3000 years..! Also on looking at the second set of Paw’s. If as we are told, these were carved from a single piece of stone how would a uniformed layer chip away leaving a perfect corner..?

Please don’t think that I have a distrust of human sincerity or integrity. But though I am no expert on these matters, I do have some burning questions that followers of mainstream Egyptology just brush aside. These questions have arisen because my research and readings clash with the regular narrative.

Wandering around The Temple of Amun-Ra.

I have several major issues. The first is the rebuilding of sites and passing them off as original sites. Another is if you don’t know why something was built just admit it..! Stop saying, “Oh we feel it was ritualistic or for ceremonial purposes.” When in truth you have no idea what it was built for or used for..! For example places being called Mortuary Temples. American Egyptologist Mark Lehner has carefully noted that, regarding the associated so-called ‘mortuary temples …that none has been found to have any actual trace of a mummification function. So why call it such..? Just admit you have no idea, and add that you are waiting for further evidence to clarify its use.

Something else which bugs me is that since the time of the earliest Egyptologists is the whole concept of everything Egyptian is ‘Settled Science’. Nothing freshly discovered has seemed to ever have altered the original ideas. This would never happen in any other field of discovery..!

Another wonderful location on the Nile is Aswan, the location of the huge Dam, and the Unfinished Obelisk. The trip to the Dam or ‘The Aswan High Dam’ as it is known today, was informative. It is  is the world’s largest embankment dam,  and has had a significant effect on the economy and culture of Egypt. Controlling flooding, helping with irrigation and of course generating hydroelectricity. A down side to the Dam has been flooding of Temples and communities.

The statue of Ramses the Great at the Great Temple of Abu Simbel is reassembled after having been moved in 1967 to save it from being flooded.

What interested me the most at Aswan was the Unfinished Obelisk in the northern quarries. From this same site we have in London Cleopatra’s Needle which is an ancient Egyptian obelisk located on the Victoria Embankment in Westminster, London. Inscribed by Thutmose III and later Rameses II of the Egyptian New Kingdom, the obelisk was moved to Alexandria in 12 BC, where it remained buried under the sands for nearly two millennia. Its burial saving it from Vandalism and Weathering. It was presented to the United Kingdom in 1819 by the ruler of Egypt and Sudan Muhammad Ali, in commemoration of the victories of Lord Nelson at the Battle of the Nile and Sir Ralph Abercromby at the Battle of Alexandria in 1801.

During its transportation to London it was nearly lost in the Bay of Biscay due to a storm. Five sailors lost their lives trying to secure it. Once in London it was erected on the Victoria Embankment. With a wonderful time capsule buried beneath it. And a Plaque dedicated to the lost sailors.

I have passed Cleopatra’s Needle many times and was in total wonder at its beauty and flawless construction. On reading about it, and other Obelisks I was amazed to learn what Egyptologists thought was the manner of their construction.

Even to this day the belief that the workers had to take a ball of dolerite and drop it an infinite number of times until the obelisk was shaped and cut free from the bed rock. The sides cut first, then the underneath eventually freeing it for transportation.

Even as a teenager I found this very hard to believe. Especially as Queen Hatshepsut had two obelisk’s a hundred foot tall built and erected in under seven months. At the time, they were the tallest obelisks in the world, one can still be seen in Karnak.

Me, at Karnak with Queen Hatshepsut’s Obelisk behind the wall to my rear.

According to Mainstream Egyptologists and this is what they have written. The unfinished obelisk at Aswan weighs over 1000 tons and shows how obelisks were made. The workers used a harder stone, dolerite, to pound out the granite. Since it was a daunting task, probably prisoners had to do it after the professional stonemason chose and marked the site for quarrying the obelisk. I like the term “probably prisoners had to do it…” there’s not a shred of evidence prisoners were anywhere near the quarry. Yet this is what schools teach our children.

I have walked around the Northern Quarries, and visited the unfinished obelisk. I stood on top of it, walked around its sides and crawled under its base. And I have to say that there is nothing about it that convinces me it was cut and shaped with pounding stones.

Crouching in the trench made by ancient quarrymen, Denys Stock, an expert on ancient Egyptian tools, demonstrates how the quarrymen “might have wielded” a dolerite pounder to carve out the obelisk. Photo courtesy of NOVA.

The simple lack of space to effectively use a pounding stone. Is one thing. Especially when trying to free the base. You would have to pound upwards, and in a gap smaller than your stone..!

If it had been extracted and erected as originally conceived, the Unfinished Obelisk would have stood 137 feet tall and weighed 1,168 tons, dwarfing all others.

How would you get that pounding stone into that gap effectively, especially if you are shoulder to shoulder with other workers (Prisoners). I tried to fit the ball of dolerite into the scoop and it just would not fit nor reach the farthest recess of the scoop without first touching the base or top of the scoop…!

On a side note, something else that enhances my scepticism is that on the way out of the quarry there are several Arab Gentlemen with Dolerite pounding stones giving you the opportunity to have an attempt at pounding some pink Granite. The Dolerite balls are about the size of a Coconut, and the area to pound is about belly button hight. So ideal conditions and location for some good pounding. Yet considering thousands upon thousands of tourists have taken the opportunity to pound the same spot. There is hardly a mark on the granite. One would think that there would be by now a Scoop pattern forming similar to the base of the obelisk yet there is not.

Famed Egyptologist Mark Lehner recalled that after once pounding for several hours, he could barely type on a computer. (“All I wanted to do was smash the keys,” he said.) On another occasion he said. “I did it for only 20 minutes, and all I had to show for it was a baby’s palmful of granite dust. And the granite’s surface looked no different from when I’d started.”

Denys Stocks measures the cut made over 10 days by a copper saw, 12 cm. in 10 Day’s and The Nova Project deemed this a success. And justified it by saying this is a method the ancient Egyptians likely used.

Can I offer an alternative construction method..? In truth no I cannot. But I can say that I definitely don’t go with the one offered at the moment. So having had my doubts about the obelisk’s construction methods confirmed. It was back on the bus and the return journey to our boat waiting for us on the Nile.

Egypt, my first days on the Nile, and Buckshee.

Egypt has one of the longest histories of any country, tracing its heritage along the Nile Delta back to between the 6th–4th millennia BCE. Its history reaches to before the Pharaohs with Upper and Lower Egypt. Ancient Egypt as we know about it today was formed from the joining of the two Egypts at around 3000 BC. The Pharaohs to signify this wore a double crown, the White one representing Upper Egypt and the Red Crown Lower Egypt.

I was enthralled by Egypt from my childhood. What caught my attention as a young boy was watching the movie ‘The Mummy.’ Not the 1999 American fantasy action-adventure thing with Tom Cruise. I mean the original Boris Karloff 1932 movie ‘The Mummy’ and also the 1978 Movie ‘Death on the Nile.’ With the great Peter Ustinov as the Famous Belgian detective Hercule Poirot.

Peter Ustinov as Hercule Poirot.

And of course learning about the amazing exploits of Howard Carters discovery of Tutankhamun’s treasures, I had the joy of reading about it in ‘The Discovery of the Tomb of Tutankhamen’ by Howard Carter and AC Mace.

A Great Read..!

But the real cherry on the cake was at the age of thirteen in assembly at school one morning when The Deputy Head addressed the school. Informing the students that the wonderful exhibition of Tutankhamun’s Treasure’s had now arrived in London and the school would be laying on a trip for those who wished to see it. I think the cost was £5.00. Entrance to the exhibit was £0.25 for school kids, the remaining cost was for the coach to London and back. And it would take place on a school day to avoid the weekend crowds.

Now being in Foster Care, something I had been in since early childhood. I didn’t have parents that I could go home to and ask for the trip money. At this moment in time I was staying in a Foster Home with David Kaley and his family, at 55 Stephens Ave, Birmingham. And as with all things government run, money was always tight.

Needless to say I plucked up the courage that afternoon to approach David in the office and broach the subject. I told him of the schools plan and the cost. Fully expecting a swift rejection on the grounds of money being tight, cut backs on spending, Blah, blah, blah. However that was not the case. He picked up the phone made a quick call to Birmingham Child Services. Just getting them before they closed for the night.

David asked a couple of questions about who funded school trips for Children in Care. And as a complete shock to him and me, there was a Fund just for that sort of thing. The person on the other end of the call said they would fax a request form to us right away. All David had to do was fill it in and fax it back.

Literally seconds later the form arrived. David read it, then filled it in. It was all the usual stuff. Name of student, school, date , reason for trip…! Then the bit about cost. David said how much was the trip. £5.00 I replied. “OK” he said. “We will ask for £7.00 and you can have lunch and drinks money.”

So that’s how I got to travel to London to the British Museum to see the most dramatic archeological find of the century at aged thirteen. When we were there I remember queueing outside in the rain for a fairly long time. Yet once inside, was I impressed. You bet I was, like thousands of others that day. I was completely blown away by the splendour of everything, all shiny and gleaming in their glass cases. I don’t recall if photography was permitted, I don’t think so. Needless to say I’m not sure anyone in our group possessed a camera. But I did leave thanks to Davids foresight and the extra £2.00 with a brochure containing the abridged story and most poignant pictures. I was a very tired yet immensely happy schoolboy that fell asleep that night.

 

Treasures of Tutankhamun: British Museum Exhibition Catalogue. 1972 Author: I. E. S. Edwards. 

The call to Egypt had been well lit in my soul. And fortunately for me just a few bus stops away was ‘The Library of Birmingham’ at Centenary Square, Broad Street. With its section on Egypt that kept me enthralled and completely absorbed in all things Egyptian. The writer who engaged me the most has to be Sir Flinders Petrie. To quote Wikipedia “He was a British Egyptologist and a pioneer of systematic methodology in archaeology and the preservation of artefacts. He held the first chair of Egyptology in the United Kingdom, and excavated many of the most important archaeological sites in Egypt in conjunction with his wife, Hilda Urlin. Some consider his most famous discovery to be that of the Merneptah Stele, an opinion with which Petrie himself concurred.

The wonderful Flinders Petrie at Abydos 1922.

I’m sure many people have visiting Egypt on their Bucket List. Perhaps as a Holiday Destination, or just a cool place to see and go Diving. I on the other hand wanted to see Egypt because of all the wondrous people and places I had read about. I wanted to sail the Nile. Visit the temples, walk where Pharaohs had walked. See the Valley of the Kings. Climb down under the Pyramids, climb up them if permitted. And walk the hallowed halls of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. All this I was promising myself at the age of thirteen. How was I going to make this come to pass? It’s not like I was rich, I didn’t even have a Saturday job. It would look like I would have to put my aspirations of visiting Egypt on hold.

Hold was an understatement, the years from 1972 until 2014 seemed to just fly by. Now here I was at aged 55 and still not having traveled to Egypt. I had traveled with the military all over the world. But just not managed to get to Egypt. Now happily retired from the military, I had some free time for myself. I and my family had been running a hotel and ski school. Then we converted that into a Military Training Center for the Navy. Many years later we closed that establishment down, and boom here I was with nothing to do and time on my hands. Now to put that time to good use.

Not far from where I was living in Bad Hindelang is the little village of Burgberg. Amongst all the other beautiful things the quaint German Village has it also has a Travel Agents. ‘Glutenfreies Reisen.’ The great thing about this Travel Agents is its only small, providing that most wondrous and highly valued of things ‘Personal Service.’

The night before going to Burgberg I sat down in front of the computer and researched exactly where and what I would like to see and the places I’d like to visit. Committing them to paper in a prioritised sort of way. Though in my mind still remaining flexible. I would have to see what the Travel Agent could provide.

About Eleven O’clock the next morning I entered the Travel Agents. I was warmly greeted by a smartly dressed young man. I explained to him my needs, my time plan and my budget, I then produced my list. My jumble of self prioritised things I’d like to achieve. Now it was his turn to fire up the computer. He was soon hard at his task. Pages and screen shots were flicking by, videos of boats sailing the Nile, Pyramids and the Sphinx were popping up then disappearing under other pages.

All this was happening in German. Now I can speak German but reading and writing not so well. And the pages were zooming by, some being saved while others discarded. Lifting his head up from the screen he said. ” This is going to take a while, would you like some refreshments..?” I replied “A coffee would be great.”

Coffee in hand, we were both back at it with gusto. Maybe twenty minutes later and things were beginning to take shape. We had departure date, Train to Munich, flight to Cairo, Transfer to Luxor. Taxi to Nile Cruise Ship. Ship booking, Nine day Nile cruise taking in  the divine Karnak Temples Complex, the legendary Valley of the Kings, the mesmerising Hatshepsut Temple, the unique Kom Ombo temple the majestic Philae temple, the glorious Edfu temple, the Great unfinished obelisk, and various more attractions. Then transfer to Hurghada to a Luxury Hotel for seven days by the Red Sea. Transfer back to Cairo, Flight to Munich Germany, and finally the Train to Sonthofen.

And all this came in well under budget. I was very impressed by the young man’s diligence and commitment to getting me what I wanted not just trying to sell me a package deal which for him would have been so much easier. Having agreed to my itinery, I asked him to print it all out, as I would walk across the road to the bank to get him the correct cash to pay him on the spot.

My departure date soon arrived. Tina my ex wife was kind enough to drop me off at the Train Station in Sonthofen. There I had enough time to purchase a nice coffee, an English newspaper, and the Times magazine.

Sonthofen Train Station.

The train as with normal regular German efficiency was spot on time and with a wave goodbye to Sonthofen. I settled into my First Class Seat. Looking around the carriage I noticed it was half full of Male and Female business types. All smartly dressed in their work finery. I in comparison was in shorts, teeshirt and flip-flops. I received more than one odd glance that asked the question ” Are you in the right carriage..?” Though no words were spoken the air was rich in their thoughts.

Half an hour into my three hour journey, probably just after Kempten. The train guard arrived asking for tickets. On presenting mine I was greeted with a smile and asked if I would like anything from the buffet. I ordered a couple of sandwiches and a large coffee. All courtesy of my First Class Ride and Fly Ticket. Procured by the wonderful gentleman in Burgberg the week or so before.

Negotiating your way from Munich Train Station to Munich Airport is rather simple. A few escalators or the lift and your there. I had ample time before my flight so I went to the Snell Imbiss that is in the large open area between Arrivals and Departures. The food here is wholesome and relatively cheap, compared to the restaurants inside the airport. My Currywurst and Chips did not disappoint me.

As I was traveling pre Covid. Immigration and Passport control was easy. I was traveling light with everything I needed in a Carry on Bag. I had sought favour with the Check In Staff and secured an Emergency Door seat which afforded me the extra leg room. This is something I try for on every flight, and so far with great success.

Air Egypt direct to Cairo.

The flight to Cairo from Munich takes about four hours, as apposed to the fifty hours were you to drive there. Air Egypts flight was smooth, the movies entertaining and the food and beverages provided were adequate.

As this was my first time getting a connecting flight at Cairo Airport, I was unsure of the procedure. The Air Egypt staff on board gave no information about any on going flights. So when the doors opened at Cairo International I just followed the crowd.

Once clear of the ramp and inside the airport proper, my fears were allayed as above the walk way were huge signs saying ‘ On Going Passengers This Way..!’ After following the signage it brought me to a desk manned by an Egyptian couple. Each smartly dressed in black airport uniforms. The lady dealt with Arabic speakers. The Gentleman looking after of the English Speakers. If you didn’t fall into either of those categories your journey was about to get interesting.

Cairo Airport.

In the group that I was stood amongst there were several Germans, some Swiss Germans, and a few other Europeans. The gentleman was doing his best in his heavily dialectic English to get instructions across. But a lot of what he was saying was just getting lost in the noise and background chatter. If I was going to get anywhere something needed to be done. As I didn’t want to miss my next flight.

So the next five or six minutes I spent relaying the Egyptian Gentleman instructions into German. Much to the relief of my fellow traveler’s and our airport guide. Once everyone was happy it was onto a Golf Cart train for the party traveling onwards to Luxor.

After a five minute tour of the airport we arrived at our new boarding gate. Our Airport guide beaming with a huge smile as he bid us a safe onward journey. He then no doubt return to meet his next flight. I wish him luck..!

The Cairo to Luxor leg of the journey was about an hour and five minutes flight. Just long enough to get airborne have a Coffee, check out the inflight magazine and then it was preparing for landing. All in all a nice smooth short flight.

Once I had cleared immigration and headed out to the Luxor City side of the airport I looked around for a kiosk selling Egyptian SIM cards. Along one side of the Exit walk way was perhaps half a dozen of them. I approached the least busy of them and purchased a 30 day holiday sim card with 4 gig unlimited WIFI.

Getting my 30 day SIM card was easy.

With my phone all sorted I could make free internet calls to my family. Call Taxi’s, Google Earth my location, research things on the web, and upload things to FaceBook.

My next priority was to find my Taxi to the boat. Along the opposite side of the walk way to the SIM card sellers was a penned off area full of gentlemen holding large cards or pieces of paper with company names, or individuals names. Off to the side and holding a large sign with my travel company logo and ships name was my taxi driver. He said we had another ten minutes to wait and then he would drive us to our ship. In all three mini bus loads of my fellow traveler’s arrived at our ship.

The Ship was really a floating Hotel. Once we had negotiated the gang plank. We were greeted with nice warm wet face towels to freshen up with and a rather nice chilled sweet fruit drink. One of the cabin staff called out our room numbers and pointed out the directions to our accommodation for the next ten days.

Our Floating Hotel.

My Suite was compact yet had everything I required. Also to my surprise a double bed. I had thought being a single traveler, I would have been given a smaller room. Needless to say I didn’t question it, and was happy with my luck. The room had a fitted wardrobe, desk area with a chair. On suit shower and toilet. And a nice quiet air con machine. So I was quite happy with my lot.

My lovely room.

Unpacking my bag was easy, all clothes on the shelf in the wardrobe, training shoes on the wardrobe floor, washing and shaving kit next to the sink in the bathroom. The two towels off the bed and hung over the shower door. And that was me unpacked. Now time to explore the ship.

The ships layout was great in its simplicity at the bottom of the ship was the engine rooms, laundry and staff accommodation. The next deck was reception area, main dinning area and indoor bar. Then came two decks of customer accommodation, followed by the top deck which was the outside bar, outside restaurant and pool area. All the decks were connected by two main stairwells. Rather a nice ship I thought.

On each deck and in both stairwells you could find a prominent notice board on a stand and for public display was the boats itinerary and other snippets of information like meal times, and the assembly points if anything were to go wrong. I took a couple of photos of the relevant information with my phone, that way I had a permanent copy with me for reference if I needed it.

The next thing on my agenda was food, and that was not until 18:00 hrs so I decided to pop up on to the top deck take look at the Nile and have a cold beer while I was up there.

I suppose it was at this point that I started to properly interact with my fellow traveler’s. We had journeyed from all over Europe to this bar onboard a ship on the River Nile. It would only be right to get to know them.

We were a mixed bag of tourists. There were two elderly male Berliners, they had been friends since school days and now both retired had decided to do a bit of traveling. There were a young couple on their first holiday together. A sweet elderly couple still very much in love, they had been married together since their teens. There were four or five Swiss they seemed to stick together. A few families with teenage kid’s, and a few single tourists like myself. Quite a nice variety I thought.

Some of our tour party with Abdul our guide.

During the time on the top deck before supper, a little group of us started to form. We just seemed to click and it was this group that sat together on the same tables for supper. While everyone was together in the dinning room our guides were presented to us.

There were three Guides. A young American guy. A middle aged Egyptian guy and a French speaking middle aged lady. We could choose who we wished to join by adding our names onto a piece of paper on the notice board.

Having eaten well, and with a cold beverage in hand I went to meet the Guides. As I only have school boy French this ruled out the lady. Of the two remaining candidates it appeared the young man was here in Egypt to learn his craft. Where as the Middle age gentleman was a Professor of Egyptian Archaeology and spoke English.. So my choice was easy. It was under Abdul the Professors name I entered my own.

Returning to the tables of our group I explained the situation about the guides. Several Swiss said they preferred French rather than English as a technical language. The remainder agreed to join Abduls group, and were quickly signed up.

Over the next half an hour or so, our guides mingled to meet their groups. Abdul came and joined our tables. Now most Germans learn English as a second language, so they can understand the Basics and most can hold a decent conversation. The problem our European cousins have is if a broad Scotsman talks, or perhaps a Cornishman. The spoken word with the added dialect sounds like Chinese to them. Abdul had a distinct Egyptian accent. When speaking slowly and extra clearly most of the group could understand him.

But when he and I got into speaking what I consider normal speed. Our new found friends struggled. So as we only had a small group compared to the others. I assured them I would translate into German anything they wished. So it just sort of evolved that I would do a running commentary in German when Abdul Spoke. Which was great for the group and everyone was happy. Also the two Gentlemen from Berlin assisted as well because their knowledge of English was awesome.

Abdul presented us three options for the morning. Option one, rise at 05:30 have breakfast and leave for the temples at 07:00. Be the first group at the temple, and have it to ourselves for an hour or so before the masses arrive from all the other hotels and boats.

Option Two, rise at 06:30 breakfast depart at 08:30 get to the temple with the masses.

Option Three, get up at 08:30 breakfast leave at 10:00 arrive at the temples when there are thousands of tourists already there.

For me it was a no brainer, definitely the early start. I wanted photos of the temples without thousands of tourist in them. So fortunately did most of the group. Our two Berliners were not overly impressed with the early start, declaring they were retired and on holiday. And were not planning on getting up each day before dawn. I placated them by saying that by noon they would be back on board in the pool with a beer, chilling. While other mad dog’s and Englishmen were out in the midday sun. So option one was agreed by the group. I was beginning to look forward to the morning.

Now as a more cohesive group it was decided to move upstairs into the fresh air, have a few more beers then head in for an early night. The Egyptian beer was going down nicely, and the conversation was rather pleasant. Our waiter was charming and attentive. He told us his name was Ahmed. A traditional and popular Arabic name, it means ‘praised.’

About 11:00 we decided to pay our bills and get some sleep. A few of the group were smokers so they had a last cigarette before heading inside. As the rest of us bid our good nights and sought the comfort of our beds. As I passed reception I booked an early call for 05:30, and gave Ahmed one final instruction.

Once back in my room I was quickly showered, and opted to shave so as to save time in the morning. On my head hitting the pillow sleep washed over me like an incoming tide. It must have been a deep sleep as I knew nothing about it until the knocking on my door at 05:30. Back in the shower for a quick rinse and a teeth clean. Then I was off to breakfast.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting for breakfast, perhaps a small buffet selection for us early risers, with make it yourself tea and coffee. I was suitably surprised when I saw that even at just after 05:30 the whole restaurant was manned. So my order for a full English breakfast and a pot of coffee with hot milk was placed. As I waited I took in the faint light of the sunrise hiding just beyond the horizon through the large bay window by the side of our table.

My breakfast and coffee hit the spot, and it was nice to see the other members of our group arriving. Non of them seemed to be too down about it being so early and once breakfast was completed I approached the chef and asked if Ahmed had left something for me in the freezer? Once I had received my package I headed up for the coach.

Our ride to the Luxor temple complex was not too long and as promised we were the first coach there. It was truly a joy to have the complex to ourselves. Taking photos was so much more relaxing rather than waiting for other tourist to walk out of your shot. Or it never happening because there’s so many of them you have to take the photo with them in.

  Luxor temple Complex without too many tourist.

My goal with this blog is not to turn each writing into a travel guide, as I feel we as individuals should take our own journeys and discover things on our own. If I do go into detail in some areas it’s because I feel that what I’m covering is note worthy, interesting or maybe amusing. So please indulge me.

The complex at Luxor is well worth a trip. The site was built by Amenhotep III and added on to by Hatshepsut, King Tut and Alexander the Great, each stamping their mark on it.

Me Happily Bathing in Culture

Amenhotep III as with Pharos before and after him liked to write himself up to look good for prosperity. It is said that the most important place in the whole complex is actually a tiny room behind the shrine where the Solar Barque, (the god’s vessel), was kept, it’s a small offering room. In this seemingly tiny chamber, Amenhotep III rewrote his history. He declares himself the Son of God way before Jesus was called such. He tells how his mother, Mutemwia, was visited in her bedchamber one night by what looked like her husband, Thutmose IV, but was actually the chief deity and Sun God Amun-Ra.

The story is also written in her mortuary temple, but here its more graphic. The writer seems to highlight the mothers arousal. Here is a translation.

‘She awoke because of the god’s scent and cried out with pleasure before his majesty. … She rejoiced at the sight of his beauty, and love of him suffused her body. …

“How great is your power!” … Your dew permeates all my limbs.” And then the majesty of this god did all that he desired with her.

Amenhotep-ruler-of-Thebes is the name of this child that I have placed in your womb. … He shall exercise potent kingship in this entire land. … He shall rule the Two Lands like Ra forever.’

All in all a great way to tell the masses of your unquestionable divinity.

There is another amusing graphic description at Luxor. This one is of Alexander the Great. The legendary bisexual conqueror with the fertility god Min who is depicted with an impressive erection.

Alexander the Great and Min.

For me the whole of the Luxor complex was outstanding and our guide Abdul was truly gifted with his knowledge of this ancient land. His ability to read the hieroglyphs took his teachings to another level. Once we had done the guided tour Abdul gave us an hour or so to wander around at our pleasure.

It was while wandering that I made two discoveries. The first quite sad. One of the great rulers who help fund and build this great complex, though only for a short time was King Tut. Tutankhamun during his short life had helped build this wonderful place. The sad part is that the only statue I found of him was one with his queen hidden away. Right at the back if the complex. In a bad state of repair, neglected and not even facing his great achievement. It really was sad.

King Tut and his Bride.

The second discovery I made was the power of the word Buckshee “Baksheesh” in Arabic. In the British Military the word stolen from the Arabic means “Spare.” So for example to have a Buckshee water bottle would mean you had a spare water bottle. In the land of the Pharaohs it means “Spare cash.” or “A Tip” and is very useful.

As one wanders around which ever attraction you are at you may notice roped off areas. Beyond these ropes can be found many hidden gems. Why they are hidden from the paying public? I do not know nor understand. What is hidden can range from statues or beautiful painted walls that have not had their paint faded by the sun. To completely engraved hidden rooms. You never know until you get passed the rope and the Arab Guard securing the area.

My first encounter was on a side path at Luxor, there was a chap guarding a piece of rope across a doorway. I inquired what was there, only to be told it was closed. I asked again what was beyond the rope. The guard had a quick look around checking nobody could see us then said the immortal word “Baksheesh” and gestured to move the rope. Understanding exactly what he meant I reached into my pocket and procured £5.00 Egyptian, roughly £0.20 in English pounds. The gentleman eyes lit up and I was ushered in past the Rope.

A receiver of Baksheesh.

Some hidden gems curtesy of Baksheesh.

While wandering happily around this awesome location I came across some of my fellow traveler’s who were grouped around one of our Berliners. He unfortunately had left his hat back aboard ship. And was now suffering mild heat stroke.

I have been blessed with many skills thanks to the British military, medic being one of them. So I asked if I may help. And directed the others to move away as they were stopping any breeze that was blowing, that might cool our friend. I then reached into my rucksack of produced two half frozen battles of water. The night before I had asked Ahmed to pop two bottles of water into the freezer for my collection at breakfast. These were now coming to good use. One I gave to our hot friend to sip gently. While the other I soaked a Kaffiyeh with, and wrapped it around his head. A Kaffiyeh being an Arabic head scarf.

The remains of my bottle I passed to the group, for anyone else feeling too warm. To take a refreshing drink. Once our Berliner was feeling better his bottle was also passed around. It was quite amusing afterwards with members of the group inquiring as to where I got two frozen bottles of water from? Here where there are no shops. So I explained my freezer trick. And assured them Ahmed would be happy to do the same for them if they asked him.

With everyone now feeling OK, we strolled gently back to our coach. As promised we were sipping beers in the pool just as noon struck. Leaving the mid day heat to those other Mad Dog’s and Englishmen.

Though not huge the ships pool served its purpose and was refreshing.

After a few beers a nice light Buffet lunch and a nice refreshing soak in the pool. I retired to my cabin for that wonderful English tradition of a Power Hour. Known to the rest of the English speaking world as an afternoon Nap. After all I was on my Hollibobs, and who knows what further delights the wonderful Nile will bring.

The day we invaded East Germany..!

During my Military career Her Britannic Majesty’s Government saw fit to post me to some awesome parts of the world. Places like Hong Kong, Canada, Portugal, Cyprus. Amongst many other fantastic places, yet a place dear to my heart has to be my time in Berlin.

Berlin divided, you can tell where by the different coloured street lighting.

I was fortunately able to see Berlin with the wall ‘UP’ and once it was ‘DOWN.’ I have covered how I personally experienced the evening the wall came down else where on here. So I’ll not cover it again.

My appointment in Berlin with the British military was as an External Leadership Training Provider. What, you may ask is one of those..! Well, basically there is regular military training, Shooting and Drill, Tactics and the like. Our Roll in the ‘ELT Wing’ was to provide all other training that would enhance the leadership qualities of the soldiers and officers. To which we had a very large scope limited only by our imaginations and the whole City to play in.

Above and beyond that job, I ran the Berlin Canoe Club on the Havel River. And taught climbing on the Teufelsberg. Also every now and again Platoons of Soldiers from Berlin would leave the city. And a relief platoon would come and replace them. Our roll would be to entertain these troops for that week, or maybe longer.

So how did we entertain our or other soldiers. Generally what would happen is a young officer in charge of 30 soldiers would be given a period of time on the weeks calendar as Platoon Commanders Disposal. What this means in real terms is that the officer has to train his men in some manner or other.

Now these young officer’s don’t really know their arse from their elbow yet, let alone how to train soldiers. So they would swiftly come to our office and seek guidance. Let’s say a young officer turned up, we would sit him down with a coffee, and then get the WHO, WHEN, WHERE and WHAT from him. Though we invariably told him the WHAT..!

Perhaps it would be something like this. “Thirty soldiers, Tuesday afternoon, In barracks.. Can you guys help me..?” And invariably we would.

Belin, while the wall was up had to be fully manned by whole brigade, and all its assets. Which meant that we had some phenomenal things to play with. Like the 14 Chieftains of C Squadron 14/ 20th King Hussars. 7 Flight AACRAF Gatow, (4x Gazelle AH.1). And with the aid of just a phone call I could call on the toys of the Americans and French as well..!

As I said we were only limited by our imagination with the things we could gainfully employ these young officers and their men with.

A couple of favourites of mine were the RAF Police dogs, and calling in a favour or two with the Americans and Helicopter Abseiling. Generally we would use the RAF dogs on a young officers first event, we like to blood them young. The officer in question would be briefed to parade on the square with his men dressed in their green army coveralls and boots at the allotted date and time.

A call to the RAF at GATOW airfield and we would secure a training afternoon for the RAF war dogs. The Airmen at the Gatow dog section loved nothing more than letting their dogs work on new victims. And would willingly come over to our barracks for some fun and games.

On the allotted afternoon the officer and his men would turn up non the wiser, to be met by an RAF sergeant who would fill them in on all the safety procedures. Not that there were that many. Basically only put bits of you wearing the padding into the dogs mouth…!

To justify the Leadership Training part of the day…! Obviously the officer was going to lead from the front and do the first demonstration. So he would be padded up given a ‘Blank firing pistol’ and a 20 second head start, then the dog was let loose.

It’s not easy to run in the padded suit, but the officer did well, even managing to get off two shots at the pursuing dog before its 85 pounds of snarling teeth hit him in the chest flooring him. There was then 25 seconds of the dog ravaging the padded suit until the handler got there and with a short curt command the dog stopped being a trained killer and calmly sat at the handlers side. Myself and the platoon sergeant help the young leader to his feet. His esteem in his mens eyes had just gone up. Especially when he was de-suited and he asked for the next volunteer. You could visibly see everyone take a step back…!

It was not dissimilar when we took the guys Helicopter Abseiling. The young officer would be told to parade his men dressed for a run around the Grunewald a large forest in the heart of Berlin. We would then meet them and under the guise of the run enter the Grunewald. The Platoon Commander and his men were non the wiser. Yet the troops were a little dejected that their leader could come up with nothing better than a run through the Forest.

Slotted around and in the Forest are some pretty large open areas, this is where the helicopter and our equipment was waiting all prepositioned and tested by our team that morning. The officer and his men would be blown away when we ran them across to the chopper and sat them down to start the safety briefs and issue the equipment.

And again to justify the leadership element the Officer and Sergeant would be first to abseil out of the chopper.

Once in the chopper myself and a colleague would rig the guys and ourselves. I would talk the officer out, my buddy the sergeant. Leaving with them and demonstrating all the way down. Once on the ground the young officer had grown in the eyes of his men. It would then be a quick turnaround for the next team of four until everyone had completed at least one decent. If we had time and fuel two each.

Helicopter Abseiling from a Lynx curtesy of the British Army.

Once our task was completed all that was left was for the men now buzzing with excitement to return to camp. For us to return the kit to barracks and say thank you to the pilots. Well, really the best way to do that would be for the copper to do a fly by our Barrack Square and drop us off. So one final abseil for the officer and myself onto our barrack square in full view of everyone. Giving the officers something to chat about over supper.

Moments later that’s exactly where we were, abseiling down onto our square. The young officer feeling ten feet tall as he walked off the square everyone watching wishing they were him.

How did I call in these favours you may ask. Well, it’s not too difficult if you can provide something others want. Like I mentioned I also ran the Berlin Canoe Club down on the Havel. This was inside the Grunewald with its own Beach, BBQ area, Showers, Kitchen and Bar. You wanted somewhere discreet to hold a party…I’m your man. Kids Birthdays, Adult Birthdays, Caribbean Nights, BBQ’S and let’s just get drunk nights. All provided at no cost, you just bring the Beer. Or buy it in house very cheaply. So for me it was easy to get a favour for a favour.

Well, all this was Hunky Dorey, until one day I received a phone call asking me if I was Chesty Gardner the canoe instructor. Obviously having nothing to hide I replied yes. It had come to pass that the Berlin Adventure Training Center had for one reason or another no canoe instructor for their next ten day serial and could I help them out as there were only two canoe instructors in the garrison one being a colonel and the other me. They sure as hell were not going to ask the colonel, though I recon a colonel would have immensely enjoyed ten days canoeing, it being a break from the drudge of his office work.

As I’m a nice chap and it being ten days canoeing I readily agreed. That perhaps was my first mistake. Or perhaps foolishly thinking the Berlin Adventure Training Center was in Berlin, maybe that was my mistake.

The Berlin Adv. Trg. Center as I found out rather quickly was nowhere near Berlin it is in fact 723 km away by the most direct route down in Bavaria Southern Germany. I on the other hand would not be traveling by the direct route as the wall around Berlin was still up. I would have to go “Down the Corridor’ adding a further 192.6 km on to the already long journey.

Berlin Adventure Training Center, nowhere near Berlin…!

I was already beginning to dislike the idea when my buddy’s started to explain the procedure for the corridor. 246 and 247 (Berlin) Provost Company, Royal Military Police organise the passage of transports up and down the corridor. Now if anything can be over complicated you can trust the Royal Military Police to definitely over complicate it.Though at this juncture in time my gripe is not with the Military Police. They had a system in place, so all we have to do is follow it.

A day or two before departure orders were published about who was going to be traveling to the Berlin Adv Trg Center. The group was to be one officer one corporal (myself) and 29 private soldiers. The Vehicle Commander was designated as me.

On the day of departure a 52 seater white coach driven by two 62 Transport & Movements Squadron drivers a Corporal and a Lance Corporal visited each barracks in turn collecting the soldiers.

Then we proceed to Checkpoint Bravo to collect our corridor package, and receive a briefing on how to conduct ourselves while in the corridor. With detailed instructions on what to do at the other end. We were also allocated a no arrival before time so as not to encourage speeding. It is also here that you show your United Kingdom Movement Order. No Order, no traveling out of Berlin.

A Travel Order.

The general gist of what happens is at the Briefing the two drivers and myself as the vehicle commander receive a verbal brief, then I am handed a Corridor Package. This is an A4 File. Inside were contained detailed instructions on how to navigate the corridor. Exactly what lane of the road you are meant to be in, distances between junctions, even pictures of the sign’s you will encounter. Basically an idiots guide on how to travel the corridor.

So with this in hand, myself and the two drivers re-boarded the coach. At the front of the coach is obviously the drivers seat and next to it is a single copilots seat that folds forward to give access to the stairs. As I would be navigating I felt it rather prudent that I sit here to be in the optimum position to relay instructions to the driver.

I was all ready to take my seat when the Corporal Driver said words to the effect that, ‘He’ sat there. I then queried as to how was I meant to navigate and give clear instructions to the other driver from a seat down the back of the bus.

His retort was wonderful…! “Look mate, we are professional driver we drive the corridor all the time, we know the way. And we don’t need a book or a guide.” I looked at the officer who was seated at the front. He just sort of shrugged his shoulders. So now it was down to me. I then declared “Ok guy’s. Last chance, I guide you, or you take full responsibility for any problems on route..?” The Corporal then said “No Drama..! We know what we are doing, take a seat..!

The officer then moved along his seat a little allowing be to join him on the first double seat behind the copilots seat. I then gave the A4 file to the copilot who just tossed it with distain onto the front dashboard.

Our exit from checkpoint bravo was as normal and we proceeded on our journey. In the days before Tablets and iPhones, all we had to kill time with were book or magazines or perhaps a walkman. I had a book, a great read called ‘Setting the east ablaze. Lenin’s dream of an empire in Asia.’ By Peter Hopkirk, It’s a wonderful book about the intrigue of Lenin’s plan to liberate Asia. With his start point being British India. And highlights all the payers in this great game of intrigue and treachery.

With the young officer on my right nodding off, I quickly got engrossed into my book. The chapters in my book and miles under the wheels of the coach seemed to fly by. I had just got to the bit in my book about the British Consulate-General in Kashgar being a listening post for all the intrigue of the great game. Thing in my book were heating up.

Unbeknown to me things in the real world were just about to get exciting too. My first inkling was the sensation of the coach swinging left, and the tyres screeching as they tried valiantly to hold the coach onto the road. Somehow we were on a slip road going way too fast for the unexpected corner.

Try as they might, the tires just could not hold us at that speed. So off into the Kitty Litter we shot..! Luckily we were fortunate to come off the road at a prepared area and there was ample gravel space (Kitty Litter) to slow down and stop a speeding Coach. When we came to rest the coach had bottomed out with all tires buried.

During the sudden stop a few of the guys on the bus had been knocked about but nothing serious. I had lurched forward onto the steel handrail for the stairs and bent that forward about a foot trying to stop myself hurtling on top of the copilot.

It only took a second or two to confirm everyone was OK and get the guys to be quiet. I then turned to the Drivers..! Both of them were quite shocked.. But I need answers and fast.

“Where are we, and why are we here..?” I asked. The very sheepish lance corporal said, ” I’m sorry I have no idea, we are lost. I took the wrong road which led to this exit and we are here.”

Things were racing through my mind. If we were still on the corridor we were OK. But if we had left the corridor then things were massively different. 31 soldiers had technically invaded a foreign country. This was not going to look good on my resume.

Now if we stay on the bus it is (technically a very fine line here,) British property. We haven’t actually stood on East German soil. But I need to know where we are as it affected all my following decisions. Only One thing to do get off the bus and go take a look.

This I did, and not 25 meters up the road my worst fears were confirmed. At the side of the road had an East German Road Sign. Damn and blast, we were now in a real world of problems. I might have to call in some ‘Hugh Favours’ to get out of this one. That or Devine Intervention.

As I returned to the coach a few East German cars drove by, the peoples faces unable to contain their bewilderment at seeing the stranded coach. I climbed the steps up into the coach and instructed the guys as to our predicament. That we were in fact in East Germany without papers or permission. And it would be totally up to the East Germans and the Russians how they handle this. I also warned the guys it could go very bad if the East Germans or Russians felt they had a point to make or a score to settle.

Well, understandably the young officer was not overly impressed. He probably had visions of his commission disappearing before his very eyes. I did my best to calm him down. And suggested it best that we not mention to the East Germans or Russians that we had an officer onboard. The less information we gave them the better I felt. I also reassured him that the police would be here in a moment or two and we would know much more how things would unfold once I’d spoken to them.

True to my word, within moments two East German Police Cars arrived, no light’s nor sirens. I was a little disappointed After all we had invaded there country.

East German Police.. The Boys in Green.

The tricky thing here is that at this time, the German Democratic Republic was still occupied by the Red Army, its capital city of East Berlin remained legally under the control of a council of the four Allied powers, and as a state it was not recognised by Great Britain. Which in turn meant that we did not recognise the authority of the East German Police. Bit of a tricky situation I was in.

With his three colleagues holding back a rather large policeman approached the bus door. I instructed the guys no not say a word, only I would talk. If they could read a book or magazine do so, don’t look at the policeman..!

I had the Driver open the door and I engaged with the Policeman. “Good Day Sir..!” (Always keep it polite.) “As you can see we are a little off route and are now stuck would you be so kind as to Inform our Russian Allies that we need assistance.?”

The police man asked who we were, where we were from how many of us where traveling. I was as polite yet vague as could be without trying to give any information away. As I had no idea of their intentions no matter how sweetly they smiled.

“We are a British Military Party Heading for Helmstedt, We had taken a wrong turning and were now seeking assistance off our Russian allies to continue on our way.” I replied. The police man strolled over to confer with his colleagues, and on his return stated that it would be best for senior person to travel with them to the station and talk directly to the Russian Corridor Commander.

I declined his generous offer stating I had orders that nobody was to leave the bus and further encroach on their sovereignty. Then I complimented him on his excellent command of the English language, and asked if he also spoke Russian. He said yes as he had learnt both in school. Fantastic that wonderful, you will have no problem conveying our situation to the Russians, I replied.

With that the large policeman and his colleague drove off leaving the remaining two sat in their car watching us.

Perhaps it was an hour maybe a tad longer when the Police car returned, followed by a huge shiny staff car and several Russian Jeep like vehicles, I could not see but I’m presuming they held soldiers. From the Staff car to our Bus came three officers.

Only one did the talking. The gentleman I believe I had the honour of addressing was Colonel General Boris Vasilievich Snetkov. My assumption for this was after our conversation and him agreeing to secure help from the Americans to recover us. He said that the very next day he was having a meeting with the British Brigadier, and this would make an interesting story over dinner.

I thanked him for his assistance in helping fellow allies, and hoped he would enjoy his dinner tomorrow. As I had no idea where I would be having mine. As I still had to get everyone back to Berlin and face the music on our return, and I had no idea how the powers that be would take our little excursion into East Germany.

A few more hours ticked by with the two same policemen sat in their car watching the Bus. We for our part were catching up on sleep and re-reading magazines and books.

I have to say I felt and heard the recovery vehicle before I saw it. It was a Green smoke belching behemoth. Driven by a tiny black American soldier, who pulled up on the road alongside the bus. I, having now dealt with the Russians and feeling emboldened got off the bus to talk to the GI. I indicated to him our predicament and inquired how he wished to recover us, as his truck just about had everything on it Hydraulic lifts, towing chains and bars and even a huge crane…!

Our saviour of the day.

To say that my day solar had had its ups and downs was an understatement, yet there was more to come. The little GI could have knocked me down with a feather when he said. “I don’t recover mate, I’m just the duty driver this weekend. I was told to drive this here..!” To say I turned the air blue with profanities, I recon I taught our little GI a few new curse words.

Who in their right minds sends a recovery truck without a guy to operate it..! Somebody was going to get a sternly worded letter, assuming we ever got recovered.

OK, time to think on your feet, we had gotten this far without causing an international incident, I had kept the East Germans sweet, and highly amused a Russian Colonel General with a story he would be telling for years to come. So now was not time to drop the ball.

Earlier that morning, how so very far away did that seem now. We had driven around Berlin picking up soldiers from different Barracks. Different Barracks means different types of soldiers..! Brook Barracks were Light Infantry. Wavell Barracks were Kings Regiment. And I new we had been to Smuts Barracks the home to 38 (Berlin) Field Squadron, Royal Engineers. And Royal Engineers play with big trucks.

So I quickly got back on the bus to inquire if we had ant engineers with us..? From half way down the bus came a couple of yes’s. OK guys I said can you work the yanks truck. With a cheeky smile from both of them they assured me it would be a doddle.

With the GI supplying the power and chains fitted to the bus we were off the kitty litter in no time. Roughly ten minuets later the two engineers had the busses two front wheels off the floor and secured. It was now time for us to leave East Germany without a shot being fired, and nobody being arrested.

I must commend the East German Police and our Russian counterparts for the manner in which they dealt with our infraction. It could have been dealt with very differently, resulting in arrest’s and public humiliation. Just to score point in the publics eyes or in the media. In East Germany and the world over. I’m grateful that our Invasion of East Germany was treated as just another day in the office by those that mattered.

Late that evening, we pulled into Brook Barracks, I went to my room for some well deserved sleep. The rest of the guys were treated to transit accommodation as we would recommence our journey on the morrow at mid day. This allowing time for the vehicle to be inspected and repaired. Also for the two drivers to present their case to their colonel.

Brook Barracks Spandau Gate.

Twelve o’clock came round, and the bus was ready. I was quite surprised to see the same two drivers..! One now a private, and the Corporal now reduced to Lance Corporal. So off we went to Checkpoint Bravo to begin the journey once more. After the brief and once again in possession of the A4 file I was invited to take the copilots seat, and begin guiding our coach to Helmstedt. I will try not to invade East Germany this trip..!

Our Journey to the Gwalior Trade Fair.

I have mentioned in my other writings that I stayed in the lovely city of Gwalior while in India. My main reason for staying there was because my wonderful and charming hosts Prity, Rajesh and their family live there. It’s also a neat location to access other great parts of India from.

Gwalior is northern and central in India. Making it an easy start point for traveling to the wondrous treasures in the north of the country. Like the Taj Mahal and The Red Fort to name just two. Yet Gwalior isn’t just a stepping stone to other places, it holds its own treasures too.

The Location of Gwalior.

The greatest treasure has to be the people of the city. Not for one-second did I not feel welcome. No matter who I was with or what we were doing. Though I must add that I was the only European I saw my whole time there. With this being so, I never felt like I was on show or being stared at. People did look at me but the look was normally followed with a nice engaging smile. Or even a polite question about where I was from and if I was enjoying my time in India. Then quite often a request for a photo with me..! To which I would willingly oblige.

Photo call with a lovely couple who helped me choose my supper.

As an example take my meeting for coffee with Rajesh’s work mates. As an Englishman, most people find it odd that I don’t drink Tea. So here I am in the center of a country that exported $75.38 millions worth of the stuff last year. And I don’t touch a drop. Situated all over India on most street corners you will find a little box with a Chap inside, or a light wheeled waggon with a charming Old Lady or gentleman selling all manner of flavours and mixtures of tea for commuters on the go. Or for individuals just taking a moment to have a nice cup of Char and a pause in their lives.

Typical Tea Seller…!

Rajesh had told me that he had organised to meet his work colleagues for a chat and would I like to join them. My answer was a definite yes. We were meeting at a park with a large pond in its center. So this involved a trip on Rajesh’s motor bike. I have mentioned Indias traffic in my other writings so I’ll not re-hash over old ground. But I must take a moment to tell you dear reader that I felt safe on the rear of his steel chariot. We maintained normal speeds and traveled on the correct side of the roads. Parking in front of the Park gates and joining Rajesh’s fellow workers who were waiting for us incident free.

Four Co-workers were waiting for us. Once introductions and pleasantries had been exchanged we took a stroll around the pond. There was no rush and I managed to chat with the guys collectively and each guy individually.

Learning about their rolls in the Training Hospital where they all worked, and giving them a brief outline of my Military and now Civilian life. On completion of our tour of the park it was time for some refreshments. We exited the park and strolled left where we were walking alongside a wall covered in advertising boards then out of the blue is a small doorway.

Rajesh motions us all to enter and once inside we were in the large garden terras of a restaurant. Talk about a hidden gem, the place was wonderful with hanging flowers, and cute ornaments, and large enough for reasonable sized parties. Inside were three or four families enjoying their foods, ice creams and drinks. What I found crazy was the total lack of advertising outside..! It just seemed odd to my western mind.

Well, once seated at a one of the larger tables in the garden a charming lady approached us for our order. Sort of being the guest, I was invited to order first. I asked the lady if she did coffee, and might I have a not too strong coffee with hot milk. She said it would be no trouble at all. Then looked to my fellow travellers for their orders. Each in their turn said coffee sounds good we will have it like Chesty’s.

Six Chesty type Coffees.

Having five avid tea drinkers order coffee in the middle of India, maybe I’ve started a movement. Hopefully in years to come the Indian economy doesn’t crash because of a new wave of Coffee not Tea Drinkers, only time will tell.

While seated at our table and enjoying our piping hot coffees the conversation turned to the Gwalior Trade Fair, and would I have time to visit it? I was intrigued, what was this trade fair and when was it..?

The guys explained that the trade fair was a Trade and Carnaval event all wrapped into one. Stalls were arriving daily and they would all be ready for the weekend. It certainly sounded like something I’d love to be a part of. So Rajesh suggested that we make a date to go on Sunday evening. That sounded great to me, as we could take the family. Though not expressly agreed upon, it was understood that we would bump into the guys at the fair sometime during the Saturday evening.

So Coffee’s consumed, it was time for the guys to head home or back to work which ever was calling them. As a treat I picked up the tab for the coffees and we headed outside to bid each other farewell. Just before the guys departed there was the customary selfie moment. Our FaceBook followers demand frequent updates, and I hate to disappoint them.

A couple of selfies for FaceBook…..!

Rajesh and his steel chariot then whisked me back safely to my Hotel, I was quite looking forward to Sunday. On the way back to my Hotel Rajesh did a quick drive by the Trade fair to show me it being constructed..!

The trade Fair still under construction..!

It was agreed that on Sunday late afternoon we would book a land cruiser to ferry us to the Trade Fair. And at the pointed hour we were all collected. The family from their home, then me from the hotel. A relatively short but horn blaring journey and we were deposited at the main entrance to the trade fair.

The area that the trade fair was situated on is used for many things during the year. But for the next couple of weeks it’s a trade fair. Just off the main Mela Road, also known as Racecourse Road is a rather large and imposing main entrance way, leading to the main thoroughfares. To the left and right are rectangular areas and further offshoots leading to more rectangular areas. To the rear of this large area is a vast open grassy, dusty area, perhaps two or more football fields in size.

Just at the entrance to the Trade Fair.

The main thoroughfare and its off shoots were all concreted walkways, the actual stalls were erected on the grassed dusty area just off the concrete. So walking around was easy, with just the odd pothole here and there. Down the center of most walkways were a myriad of venders selling everything from sweetmeats to toilet plungers, and all manner of things in between.

The larger more imposing stalls were positioned to the sides of the walkways affording them more room. Things like leather clothing stalls or restaurants able to seat a hundred or more patrons. What I liked about the restaurants is that the cooking was masterfully done in full view of the passers by, with the ever present fantastic smells following your every step.

One of the larger venues, I have no idea what it was used for or selling..!

We had arrived just before sunset, and now with dusk well upon us the whole mood of the place changed. As the Sun set the whole place lit up into a bazillion neon, spinning or flashing lights. I’m sure my humble photo’s will not do the visual experience justice.

In my youth I have worked on fair grounds. As a teenager I have frittered away lots of hard earned cash on fair ground attractions. And as an Adult I’ve treated my children to trips to fairs on many continents. Though I must say I’ve never seen a Fair like this one.

I suppose I could break it down into three areas. The Trade Element, the Fair Ground element then the Culinary side. I will start with the trade element first. There were shops and stalls of every size. Selling just about anything you could humanly carry away without aid. In some cases perhaps a team carry.

The manner of the stall holders were cordial and polite. There were no Market Screamers as you would find in a Souk, or selling goods outside a Temple in Egypt.

If you wish to buy something you approached the stall and a conversation unfolded. “How big” “What colour” “How much”…..! Then the “Haggling” would begin. Now, there is an art to haggling, Both sides must end the haggle feeling they came off best. If the end price is too high the customer will feel bad, and maybe walk away with no sale happening. If the customer lowballs the vendor… again ‘No sale.’ So like I mentioned Haggling is an ‘Art..!’

Need new shoes…?

Here are a few Haggling tips for the buyer..!

  • Get in the haggling mindset.
  • Prepare your mind and body with proper rest.
  • Do your research so you know where to go and what to pay.
  • Learn key phrases to help your negotiations.
  • Never be the first to say a price.
  • Know your price ceiling and stick with it.
  • Be willing to walk away with disinterest.
  • Ask for a Deal on Multiple Items. … 
  • Point Out Defects. … 
  • Show Disinterest. … 
  • Be Assertive. … 
  • Be Willing to Walk Away. … 
  • Show Hesitation. … 
  • Be Comfortable With Silence. … 
  • Make Them Set the Price.

If you apply these tips you will have some good bargain hunting experiences. Though do remember the vendor must feel good about the deal too.

Want to bulk buy Peanuts….?

How do I describe the Fair element..? If you have been to the Golden Mile at Blackpool, Or attended the Hull Fair. Or maybe Coney Island, or the Agricultural Fair in Paris with its Carousels and Big Wheel. You will have an understanding of what makes a fair. And in todays modern age with things going higher and faster you will be familiar with all the Health and Safety protocols involved with running such a venue. Now let’s take a look at the Gwalior Trade Fair and its rides and attractions.

Lets say for example you had an attraction something similar to a Big Wheel that you had built in the 1930’s and you had toured Europe with it for 50 years, and this poor attraction was well past it’s sell by date. And it was looking for somewhere to go and retire. The Gwalior Trade Fair is where you will find it. Minus the Health and Safety.

Well, they all seemed to work OK…!

The rides and attractions are working, in some cases just working. Held together by nuts and bolts and the odd magical weld here and there. The patrons are not shall we say, ‘secured in their seats’ it’s more of ‘Here is a little bar we shall fold over in front of you and hope you don’t catapult into the horizon.’ Now having said this, did it deter me from engaging and enjoying the rides and attractions ‘no it did not..!’

There was even a Haunted House…!

I and the whole gang had a fantastic experience stretched over several hours, spinning, swinging and rotating all over the place. Much fun and merriment was had by all of us, and I would redo it all in a heart beat.

And, so to now the culinary element. Something very dear to my heart and always will be is food. I have a little saying. “If it walks, crawls, swims, flys or shows its arse to the sun, then I will eat it.” And being fairly honest there isn’t much I have not eaten, ranging from Black Scorpions, thought Crocodile, Alligator, Tree Grubs, Puppy and all manner of western regular foods.

I work on the principle of try anything once, as you will never know if you like it or not. If you just balk at the appearance or knowledge that its an odd body part of an animal you will never know if you missed out on a gastronomical delight..!

The smells were fantastic.

For by 63rd birthday I enjoyed not only a delightful birthday cake, but also some crispy tree frogs. The Birthday cake was a Chocolate one with a glazed cherry on top, which tasted delicious. The crispy tree frogs tasted somewhat like the English Pub treat ‘Pork Scratchings’. One should never reject things until you have tested or tasted them first.

Birthday Cake and Crispy Tree Frogs

Now getting back to the fair, and its culinary delights. On entering the main walkway my nostrils were delighted to pick up all manner of wonderful smells of cooking treats. Everything from Breads, cakes, curries to huge Dustbin lid sized Quavers.

Image result for quavers crisps

Quavers are a deep-fried potato-based British snack food. Launched in the UK in 1968, they were originally made by Smith’s. Since 1997 they have been produced by Walkers. 

Watching the guys cook these was a joy in itself. Though I personally would not get too near to the screamingly hot fat that they are cooked in. The food stall holders have to bring everything to the fair themselves. Only basic electricity and communal toilets are on the site.

So tents or structures, tables and chairs, ovens and pans you name it they have to bring it cook it then present it for sale. The ingenuity of the vendors knows no bounds. From huge boiling hot vats of oil to home made brick ovens. I was amazed at how things were achieved.

Home made bread oven.

When abroad a good rule of thumb is that if you are eating local or street food. Always try and eat a busy locations. For one if the locals are queuing to eat there then its generally good food. Also if the place is busy the turnover of freshly cooked food will be swift, leaving less chance of you getting food that’s been sat around for a while. Here at the fair there were healthy queues at all the vendors. So I felt secure in trying lots of unusual things based on looks colour and smell. With Prity and family to guide me. Oh and a shout out to the ever present eating machines that are Rajesh’s two wonderful boys. Who were always happy to try things with me..!

I was very impressed with many treats and savouries. But for me the most impressive visually was the Ice cream made on a spinning metal drum. You choose the flavours, fruits and sauces then leave it up to the very skilled chap to transform it into neat little rolls of delicious ice cream via the spinning drum. A real joy to watch, and even better to eat.

Having ridden certainly all the larger rides and many smaller ones too, eaten all that could be eaten. And purchased stuff to take home. It was noticed that the children had stopped being little whirlwinds and their noise level had reduced measurably. A sure sign they are tired. So having had a wonderful evening. The Land cruiser was called for and we left for home and my hotel.

In my hotel room the kettle was on while I showered. So a nice coffee to round the evening off and then I was fast asleep in moments.

My Journey To Be The Next Poet Laureate.

How can I say it started? When as a person do you really notice poetry. At what age could you say a child has the understanding to truly appreciate the written word that should evoke a concentrated awareness of an experience or a specific emotional response by language chosen and arranged for it meaning, sound and rhythm…?

I might say that the time is different for everyone, with some people never attaining a love or understanding of poetry.  The French poet Paul Valéry said that prose was walking, poetry dancing. And in every aspect of human life we see walkers and dancers. I may not be a fully blown Dancer, but I recon I have a little spring in my step.

Where did that spring come from? If I were to rack my brains, and think hard and deeply. The answer would have to be that my first introduction was at Number 1 Brookhurst Rd, Opposite Sunny Brow Park in Gorton Manchester. The house is still there today. But I don’t think they will raise a Blue Plaque for me on its walls.

The Lady that did the introducing was called Mrs Hay. She was my, and four of my siblings foster mother. I’m sure that I will at some point go into great detail about this lady. But for now I’ll just say that there is a right way of doing things, a wrong way of doing things. Then there is Mrs Hay’s way of doing things….And you sure as hell better do it Mrs Hay’s way or look out…!

When not running a very tight ship, Mrs Hay occasionally had a lighter side. And no matter how hard it was hidden, it would pop its head out now and again. It was on one of these occasions while we were gathered in the living room all freshly scrubbed ready for bed that Mrs Hay recited from memory about Sam and his Musket. The original was performed by Stanley Holloway. But Mrs hay had it off to a tee. And I loved it.

Though ‘Sam, Sam pick up that Musket’ was my favourite, she also recited a 1911 poem by J. Milton Hayes, ‘The Green Eye of the Yellow God’ Which starts as….

“There’s a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There’s a little marble cross below the town;
There’s a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.”

Hayes himself said that it wasn’t meant as poetry and did not pretend to be, yet somehow it works. It just hits everything, yet does very little of the work itself.

The Green Eye Of The Little Yellow God

There’s a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There’s a little marble cross below the town;
There’s a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.

He was known as “Mad Carew” by the subs at Khatmandu,
He was hotter than they felt inclined to tell;
But for all his foolish pranks, he was worshipped in the ranks,
And the Colonel’s daughter smiled on him as well.

He had loved her all along, with a passion of the strong,
The fact that she loved him was plain to all.
She was nearly twenty-one and arrangements had begun
To celebrate her birthday with a ball.

He wrote to ask what present she would like from Mad Carew;
They met next day as he dismissed a squad;
And jestingly she told him then that nothing else would do
But the green eye of the little Yellow God.

On the night before the dance, Mad Carew seemed in a trance,
And they chaffed him as they puffed at their cigars:
But for once he failed to smile, and he sat alone awhile,
Then went out into the night beneath the stars.

He returned before the dawn, with his shirt and tunic torn,
And a gash across his temple dripping red;
He was patched up right away, and he slept through all the day,
And the Colonel’s daughter watched beside his bed.

He woke at last and asked if they could send his tunic through;
She brought it, and he thanked her with a nod;
He bade her search the pocket saying “That’s from Mad Carew,”
And she found the little green eye of the god.

She upbraided poor Carew in the way that women do,
Though both her eyes were strangely hot and wet;
But she wouldn’t take the stone and Mad Carew was left alone
With the jewel that he’d chanced his life to get.

When the ball was at its height, on that still and tropic night,
She thought of him and hurried to his room;
As she crossed the barrack square she could hear the dreamy air
Of a waltz tune softly stealing thro’ the gloom.

His door was open wide, with silver moonlight shining through;
The place was wet and slipp’ry where she trod;
An ugly knife lay buried in the heart of Mad Carew,
‘Twas the “Vengeance of the Little Yellow God.”

There’s a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There’s a little marble cross below the town;
There’s a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew,
And the Yellow God forever gazes down.

With the name Mad Carew you get everything in the name, the whole person is portrayed in two words. This simplicity carries on through the whole piece. I just felt it was wonderful. Because it let my childish imagination fill in the blanks. Mad Carew leaving in the dark, returning with torn cloths. Being injured, being nursed, his gift rejection. The Gods vengeance. Then with little effort we return full circle to the grieving woman…! A wonderful journey of words, yet your imagination is left to do most of the work…!

As a youngster at school poetry if there was any, was thrown at you like a rock by your English Teachers. It was generally a subject hardly touched on. Or at worst ignored.

There was more poetry learnt in the form of dirty limericks in the school yard than were ever taught in the vaulted halls of the school…!

A quick limerick from memory…!

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think –
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

I must admit wandering the great halls of learning was the occasional Gem. A Teacher with heart, feeling and a wondrous knowledge of their subject matter. One such teacher came in the form of Mr Nash. He taught at Harbourn Hill School in Birmingham. It is with great honesty that I say this guy had a profound effect on me and my education.

He was in my good books straight away when I found out English homework was to read books. Something I found amazing anyway. Yet he added a twist to it..! He said Try to read Fact over Fiction. And read a books a month, that’s 12 books a year, and that’s like getting a degree every four years. Which puts you in the awesome position as an adult of being able to enter a room in any setting and engage in any conversation with anyone, with confidence. I took him to his word and many months read more than one book..! I’m still an avid reader today.

Mr Nash also loved the English language, he loved to use it, and play with it. He also loved poetry, and Shakespeare. Robin Williams when in the movie ‘The dead poets Society’ says “

“So avoid using the word
‘Very’ because it’s lazy.
A man is not very tired,
he is exhausted. Don’t
use ‘very sad’, use morose,
Language was invented
for one reason, boys
to woo women–and,
in that endeavor,
laziness will not do..!”

That moment in the film reminds me so much of Mr Nash.

A great quote.

Honesty…

I suppose that I should come clean and admit that I’m not a real poet. Though with this comes the question “What is a real poet?” Are poets only people with published works? Or can anyone be a poets? I was led to believe that there were rules and elements to poetry. Things like, voice, diction, imagery, figures of speech, symbolism and allegory, syntax, sound, rhythm and meter, and structure.

Then of course there is the other belief, that of ‘The first rule of writing poetry?’ That there are no rules — it’s all up to you! Of course there are different poetic forms and devices, and free verse poems are one of the many poetic styles; they have no structure when it comes to format or even rhyming.

Now I for one am not even sure that what I have put together may even constitute as poetry. I shall let you the dear reader decide. I also wonder if it’s ‘Good poetry’… But as I honestly feel that the only person the poem has to make happy is the creator, I suppose all poems are good…!

I have seen quite a few poetry books, and wish I had read more than I have. I read and enjoyed many poems that tell a story on a single page. And awaken your imagination to walk with the creator on his or her journey through time, or along a street, or to meet someone. Sometimes there is more information in one poem than in a whole novel.

The best bit for me has to be the emotions that this unknown until seconds before passage of text awakes in me. Feelings that I didn’t have moments before, yet that might stay with me all day, or even longer..!

My inspiration.

I cannot say what or who inspired me to put pen to paper in the form of poetry. There are many wonderful poets, E E Cummings, Robert Frost, Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Elizabeth Dickinson and the list goes on. Yet reading their works as enjoyable as it is doesn’t inspire me to write.

The trigger for me is somewhat more bizarre. For me it is a person, or a building or an action. I see the person or the moment and an idea awakens.. ! It may sit in the back recesses of my mind for a while cooking like a good cake..! Then, generally during some quiet moment it will work its way to the forefront of my mind. Bringing with it an overwhelming urge to jot down my thoughts.

Then follows the construction phase, with hopefully an end product. Not all my efforts make the final cut. Some sadly are abandoned. Mainly because I cannot make them work..! But we keep trying and some make the grade.

One such example was a poem I wrote at the passing of an old military friend Terry Sweet. I was sat at the computer in Bavaria Germany, just going through FaceBook as you do. When I saw that Terry had passed. He was a nice guy with a loving family. I was deeply saddened that another fine bloke had gone too early.

I don’t recall being motivated to do anything at that moment. Though later while stood on my veranda with a coffee in hand reflecting on nothing in general, just taking in the mountain view. The first line popped up in my thoughts. “You never said I’m leaving” And the Ode to Terry Sweet was born.

His family received it well. What saddens me is I find as time goes on. More and more great friends and wonderful people are leaving us. One way of coping with this for me is through poetry. Terry is the only person for whom I composed two poems. The second I did especially for his wife.

The inspiration for the shape came from the word ‘Heart’ in the Title. It just seemed to fit and work somehow..!

At the moment I live in Thailand, and for a while I resided in Bangkok. For those of you who have never visited the Land of Smiles. It is truly an awesome place. You will see and experience outstanding events, and meet phenomenal people, literally by the hour.

The rich tapestry that is Asia is nonstop and twenty-four hours a day. Books have been written in the hundreds trying to capture the spirit of this wonderful bit of the world. What is my humble offering..? One poem, inspired by a day in Bangkok and a trip on the underground rail system…!

I tried to make the poem snappy and fast like Bangkok itself, I hope it worked.

Victor Hugo and I.

It can be very odd where inspiration comes from. Who would put the a French historical novel Les Miserable, and a closing down military barracks together. But for me it worked. Though in truth my inspiration came from Les Miserable the 2012 epic period musical film and a Eddie Redmayne song. Which would not have occurred without Victor Hugo putting pen to paper in 1862.

I found Eddies rendition of Empty Tables very moving. And at the time our Barracks was getting torn down, with the loss of so many Wonderfull Memories of so many great people who had passed off the Square, or lived in its Messes and hallowed halls.

I had heard Eddies song about loosing his all his friends in the Battle and being a lone survivor while in bed messing about on YouTube. Yet it wasn’t until days later when reminiscing about the sad loss of the Barracks that the spark of an idea started to flicker in my mind.

So it was back to YouTube to find it and re-listen to the words. I found it just as thought provoking the second time round. So giving all credit to Victor Hugo, and Herbert Krezmer for the original workings.

Our Great barracks that are no more…!
I hope I did the wonderful building Justice..!

I don’t think that I will ever publish my musings in the world of poetry other than the few samples here. And I don’t for one moment think this monarch or the next will seek me out for high honours in the poetry field. But hey, it keeps me happy.

What happened to my beloved travel.

I was born in 1959 and so grew up in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. Compared to today, it seems to me that travel was simpler in those days. My memories are of easy, enjoyable journeys. I feel the old simplicity of travel has been stolen or replaced by some other more terrible experience. Here I’ll try and explain how and why I feel this way.

William Blake once wrote “Great things happen when men and mountains meet.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Life is a journey not a destination.” And I personally love the quote “It feels good to be lost in the right direction” Some peoples journey’s seam easy. Take Wendy’s trip to Neverland in the book Peter Pan. All she had to do was take the Star second to the right and go straight on till morning. In comparison we have Odysseus’s journey from Hell. His journey is covered by the Odyssey written by Homer. The Odyssey was my first fling with terrible journey books. I got it in a pack of classics when I was a young boy, and spent a long time enjoying the pictures before I got around to the words. Odysseus fights in the Trojan war for ten years, then tries to go home. About ten years later, he actually gets there. I can sympathise, I’ve driven on the London ring road.. 

Along the way, Odysseus watches his guys get eaten by a Cyclops. Watches them get turned into swine, has a love affair with the woman who did the swine magic. Annoys the gods, refuses to listen to some women singing, then finally gets home to find a gang of drunk blokes trying to woo his long-suffering wife. All she wants to do is be left alone to sew a massive tapestry. It’s an utterly terrible journey, but Odysseus is rude to literally everybody he meets along the way, so maybe he deserves it. It’s hard to put your finger on..!

I am no Odysseus and I recall mixed, yet fond memories of me as a young boy traveling to Rhyl in Wales for our school summer holidays. This was six weeks living in a caravan just a stones throw from the beach and sea. Back in the days of the Sixty’s we had two modes of transport. The train, or Uncle Arthurs Zephyr 6 Car. The beauty of the Zephyr 6 was that it had a Bench type front seat. Which facilitated the easy loading of two families into the one car.

Typical Zephyr Front Seat.

We managed to squeeze Uncle Arthur, his wife Vera the two girls they fostered. My Step mum Mrs Hay, myself and my two brothers Gary and Jeff. With everything that would be required for two families for six weeks in Wales. Not quite but nearly including the kitchen sink, all into that Zephyr.

I only had happy memories of those trips, pick nicks on the side of the road. Raspberry picking and hunting for wild strawberries in the hedgerows as we took a break for lunch on our way to the coast. I don’t recall those journeys being bad or uncomfortable at all. Perhaps that was just the innocence of youth. I seem to remember it always being sunny too.

Though I do recall an incident that could have ruined everything. I was about six years old and sat in the front of the Zephyr on Aunty Vera’s lap. Probably so I could be kept an eye on and not in the back squabbling with my brothers. We were probably travelling to Rhyl, but it was the full compliment of adults and kids, with every available bit of space being used.

Now this recollection comes from the dark recesses of my memory of 55 years or so ago. So here goes. There were four of us on the front seat. Arthur driving, a small child, I don’t recall who. Aunty Vera with me sort of sat beside and half on her lap.

As was the norm on these sort of journeys if we were running late the customary Pick Nick by the side of the road was abandoned for an on the go Rolling Pick Nick. Way more stressful for Mrs Hay and Vera. But deep joy for us kids, we got to eat in the car. Something expressly forbidden under normal routine travel, not even a Polo sweet or Jelly baby was permitted. Look out, if Uncle Arthur saw you chewing gum in the car..! It was for him the most expensive thing he would ever own. And was his Pride and Joy.

In the front sandwiches had been eaten and it was now time for fruit. Vera taking care to look after the needs of her man first had peeled him a tangerine. All was going great. Next up was the two forward children. Mrs Hay was performing similar tasks for herself and the kids in the Back. Tangerines were prepared for myself an my co traveler’s, leaving Vera with the peel and pith of four tangerines.

Uncle Arthur not wanting garbage in his object of love and affection, instructed Vera to toss the offending peel out the widow onto the verge, as it would be eaten or decompose. As I was nearest the door, and always willing to help. I reached for the window lever.

Now here’s where it got really interesting. Uncle Arthur was focused on getting us to Rhyl and in the process of negotiate a round about. Just at the moment I opened the car door in mistake for grabbing the window leaver. The door swung open, I started to follow it, but fortunately was grabbed by quick thinking Vera. The door carried on opening and Vera’s hand bag proceeded to scatter halfway around the round about.

Uncle Arthur pulled the car over to the kerb on the opposite side of the round about, applied the hand break and turning the air blue with profanities walked back to retrieve Vera’s scattered hand bag.

I was unceremoniously dragged into the back seat and wedged in the middle well away from any doors. Needless to say I was dreading the return of Uncle Arthur. This was in the days then knocking the living daylights out of a child to teach it a lesson was common practice in the United Kingdom. I had no idea how I was going to get out of this one.

Well Uncle Arthur did return to a very silent car. I believe we all expected him to explode. Yet he didn’t, he inquired after my health. With the quaint old English phrase of ” Is That Bloody Kid OK..?” He then passed Vera her handbag and taking his place behind the wheel we set off once again. A little subdued and a little relieved. On refection now as an older adult I think Uncle Arthur got it all out of his system turning the air blue, and calmed down on his return walk to the car. Me, I was just eternally grateful to all the gods that I didn’t get a good leathering that afternoon. Funnily enough and to my great relief it was never mentioned by the adults ever again..!

Like I said apart from the odd blip, travel as a child was normally exciting but enjoyable. I suppose the other most used way of getting about over long distances had to be the train.

I have to say that train journeys in my youth are massively different than anything a child might encounter today. I could still experience Steam Engines. Porters to carry your luggage, Station Masters in full immaculate uniforms. Ticket offices with a resident cat. And platforms that the station workers took pride in. They were spotless, and had floral tributes, in many cases spelling the Stations name.

Trains departed from stations in a billowing cloud of steam a flurry of green flag waving and the shrill scream of the station masters whistle. Each seating area had a table where Colouring Books or Plastic Soldiers could be deployed. Or the customary Pick Nick unpacked. Not at all like todays trains.

There is a wonderful poem by WH Auden Called ‘Night Mail’ that was part of a project I has at school. It’s rhythm gives you the sense of being on the train as it journeys through the night to Scotland.

Night Mail by WH Auden.

This is the night mail crossing the Border, 
Bringing the cheque and the postal order, Letters for the rich, letters for the poor, 
The shop at the corner, the girl next door. 

Pulling up Beattock, a steady climb: 
The gradient’s against her, but she’s on time. Past cottongrass and moorland boulder 
Shovelling white steam over her shoulder, 

Snorting noisily as she passes 
Silent miles of wind-bent grasses. Birds turn their heads as she approaches, 
Stare from bushes at her blank-faced coaches. Sheep-dogs cannot turn her course; 
They slumber on with paws across. 

In the farm she passes no one wakes, 
But a jug in a bedroom gently shakes. 

Dawn freshens, Her climb is done. 
Down towards Glasgow she descends, 
Towards the steam tugs yelping down a glade of cranes 
Towards the fields of apparatus, the furnaces 
Set on the dark plain like gigantic chessmen. 
All Scotland waits for her: 
In dark glens, beside pale-green lochs 
Men long for news. 

Letters of thanks, letters from banks, 
Letters of joy from girl and boy, 
Receipted bills and invitations 
To inspect new stock or to visit relations, 
And applications for situations, 
And timid lovers’ declarations, 
And gossip, gossip from all the nations, 
News circumstantial, news financial, 
Letters with holiday snaps to enlarge in, 
Letters with faces scrawled on the margin, 
Letters from uncles, cousins, and aunts, 
Letters to Scotland from the South of France, 
Letters of condolence to Highlands and Lowlands 
Written on paper of every hue, 
The pink, the violet, the white and the blue, 
The chatty, the catty, the boring, the adoring, 
The cold and official and the heart’s outpouring, 
Clever, stupid, short and long, 
The typed and the printed and the spelt all wrong. 

Thousands are still asleep, 
Dreaming of terrifying monsters 
Or of friendly tea beside the band in Cranston’s or Crawford’s: 

Asleep in working Glasgow, asleep in well-set Edinburgh, 
Asleep in granite Aberdeen, 
They continue their dreams, 
But shall wake soon and hope for letters, 
And none will hear the postman’s knock 
Without a quickening of the heart, 
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?

It was a sad day for children in the whole of the UK when on the 11 August 1968 the last steam passenger service in Britain ran its last journey.

The Last Steam Journey.

The last mainline steam passenger train from Liverpool via Manchester to Carlisle and back was the Oliver Cromwell. It was affectionally named the Fifteen Guinea Special, because of the high prices charged for the trip  – £15 15s A Guinea being £1 and 1 shilling. Thousands of people turned out to say their goodbyes to over 138 years of British Steam locomotion history. I’m glad to say this wonderful bit of my past is still a working train at the National Railway museum.

If we put cars and trains to one side. I would have to say my next most memorable journey has to be my first flight. Even as a Meer boy I and my brothers Jeff and Gary were quite familiar with Airports. A treat out on several occasions during my youth would be a trip to Ringway Airport just outside Manchester to see the Aircraft take off and land. We would also be permitted to enter the departure lounge to use the restrooms before the trip home. All very exciting stuff for a small child.

The Old Ringway Airport.

So around the tender age of seventeen when the military decided to send me to Hong Kong, airports were not new to me. The actual Air travel though was a different thing entirely.

I was stationed at the Light Division Training Depot Shrewsbury as a Boy Soldier when I received the great news that I would be posted to Hong Kong not Germany or Northern Ireland. So it was with a Glad heart that I began my 9701.2 km or 6,023 mile journey to the Far East.

My first leg was by train to London, no trouble there as I only had two bits of luggage, an army suitcase and sausage bag. Back in 1976 the military gave soldiers not an actual rail ticket, but a military Chit. This you swopped at any railway station for your ticket. If you knew the HQ Company Clerk, ‘Meal chits’ could also be acquired and ‘Taxi chits…!’ It was just a case of who you knew. HQ Company clerk had pre-booked me into the Union Jack Club in London.

The Union Jack Club is an Armed Forces Club in central London for enlisted members and veterans of the British Armed Services and their families. The club now has over 260 rooms for accommodation, a restaurant, bar, small library, and a full range of meeting and banqueting rooms. The club’s main entrance is in Sandell Street off Waterloo Road, opposite Waterloo Station which is really handy for National Rail Trains and Waterloo Underground station too.

Union Jack Club Main Entrance.

After a few beers in the bar it was up to my room for a good nights sleep. Breakfast was a full English with loads of coffee, just to set me up for a long days travel. My arrival at Heathrow Airport was facilitated by a Black London Taxi and a White Chit.

As is the military way on arrival at the check in I had no ticket, just a number on a piece of paper issued to me by the clerk. As he handed it to me he said. “You loose this you pay your own way to Hong Kong…!” So it was with great reverence that I handed the Check In Lady my paper with it’s magical number. She smiled, typed in something on her keyboard and perhaps for the first time in my life I was addressed as Mr Gardner.

My general mantra for travel is to travel light though not this time. Both my suitcase and sausage bag were heavy. As I had tried to pack everything I owned into them. I had no concept of baggage weight restrictions and fortunately the check in lady didn’t seem to mind. Still with her reassuring smile she asked me where I would like to sit ‘Smoking or Non Smoking’ I opted for non smoking and a bulkhead emergency exit seat. Something I strive for on every flight, as I enjoy the extra leg room.

My luggage disappeared along a conveyor belt. And I with my boarding pass and passport in hand headed for immigration. At immigration I handed over my brand new passport, something I had only had for about a month yet again issued by the crown via the HQ Company Clerk. The immigration chap wished me a pleasant flight and then I was Air Side. A brief wander around duty free looking at all the things I couldn’t afford and then it was time to head for my gate.

Boarding Cards are no longer like this Gem.

Boarding was simple and I was soon settled in my seat. Once boarding was completed I was happy that the aircraft was only half full and nobody had fancied sitting in my isle. With everyone comfortable, normal safety procedures started to happen. You know the deal, how to fit oxygen, doorway positions, and of course the location of your life vest in the event we crash into a mountain..!

It was at this time the tannoy sprang to life with the Captains voice. It was now that I experienced my first ever moment of sheer panic. It lasted for about twenty-seconds. But to me it was a lifetime. Here was me all settled in a posh comfy seat, when the Captain said. “This is your Captain speaking, I and my crew would like to welcome you aboard our flight to Colombo…!”

I the next twenty-seconds the Gods only know the range of emotions I went through. Firstly I thought I was on the wrong flight. I had visions of having to stop this flight. Get myself and my baggage off this plane going to Colombo a place up on till seconds ago I never knew existed. And then find and board the flight to Hong Kong.

Talk about breaking out in a cold sweat. I was just about to get the attention of a stewardess when my mind caught up with the Captains voice, he continued. ” For those of you carrying on to Hong Kong there is a three hour lay over in Colombo for refuelling and passenger collection…!” The rest of what he said was just a blur.

I learnt many things in those few moments. There is a Country called Sri Lanka, who’s capital city is Colombo. My flight was not direct to Hong Kong. And that perhaps I should have done a little research about my flight.

Who Knew…?

To be totally honest I had no idea we had taken off. It was only when I had been served my first coffee that my nerves had calmed down and I could appreciate we were flying. I personally thought It would have been a louder experience yet it wasn’t. I also expected there to be way more movement though I sensed very little.

My recollection of the service on board was impeccable, who could complain when half a dozen or so of the most attractive ladies this young man had ever seen in one location were catering to his needs! Also the needs and wants of fifty or so other passengers. Yet I did feel extra special.

The flight sort of went like this. The take-off and my blind panic during it. Coffee and snacks being served and me calming down. A couple of hours flight, a hot meal being served. Then the lights were dimmed so we could sleep. The lights became brighter again. A breakfast meal was served and on completion of the cleanup from that it was duty free sales, more stuff I could not afford. Then preparation for landing at Colombo.

As I covered earlier I didn’t really notice the air craft getting into the air. The Landing was something else. How can I describe it? It maybe that because I have no control of my immediate environment, and I just have to sit there and trust the crew. I’m just not really sure. But In flight no drama, but the last 500 feet the landing and the bit where the reverse thrusters come on. I’m not a happy teddy…!

Even with my trepidations I must commend the crew on a superb textbook landing. As unsettled as I was there was nothing to complain about. I regained my mojo as we reached the end of the runway and turned towards the Apron area. I’m sixty-five years old now, I’ve been all around the world and still have that same feeling on every landing.

Old Postcard of Colombo Airport.

Once we had taxied to our relevant spot on the apron there was a slight pause as the crew explained where we should go if we were onward traveling, or just departing here. Next there was a flurry of activity to open the front and rear doors so we could depart. As my over wing emergency exit door wasn’t being opened I joined the rest of my flight and headed for my nearest door.

I was still on the aircraft, maybe six or seven yards short of the door when it hit me. It was like a punch, or a slap across the face. Something I had never ever experienced before. It was the stench, Colombo actually smelt terrible. Maybe the wind was in the wrong direction, or it was just a really hot day..! I’ve no idea why, but by all the gods it smelt terrible. Fortunately it was just a short walk from the bottom of the steps to the arrivals area.

Once inside the arrivals area, comforted by the cooling Air Con and that unbelievable stench gone from my nostrils I searched for somewhere to get a drink. I had to do something to clear my throat. A stall vendor provided the beverage, I had a few hours to wander the Airport. Had I chosen I could have grabbed a Taxi for a Whistle Stop tour of Colombo as a few of my fellow traveler’s decided to do. I just did not have the heart to go out into the stench again unless I had too.

The Numbers and letters of the large information board clicked over and soon it was our time to board again. Once more across the apron, and up the stairs onto the aircraft. Could I manage this on one breath…. I doubt it. As I was following the trail of my fellow passengers, there was no hurrying. I had to run the gauntlet of the smell again. Was it as strong, was I getting used to it. I cannot say. All I can report is that it was still there until I took my seat and the aircraft air con blasted me from above.

Once the doors were secure and the pre-flight security procedures had been explained. I could focus on the take off this time. Which I might add was a joy to experience. Yes, there was a rapid acceleration and from where I was sat the nose visibly rose up, yet there was no sensation of us leaving the earths gravitational pull. It was as if we just drifted off. The next major sensation was the sharp right turn which caused me to admire Colombo from the air though my window seat. We then levelled off and ascended up to the realm of the Gods.

Colombo and India from the window seat.

Colombo to Kai Tak international airport Hong Kong is deemed a short flight. So it was coffee, a pause, lunch in the clouds then another pause, duty free sales and then prepare for landing.

Landing at the Old Kai Tak Airport is no longer possible. Hong Kong has a wonderful new airport. The airport is also referred to as Chek Lap Kok International Airport or Chek Lap Kok Airport, to distinguish it from its predecessor, the former Kai Tak Airport.

Now I had the deep joy of landing at the Old Tai Tak airport. Because of the positioning of the airport with water on three sides of the runway, and Kowloon City’s residential apartment complexes and 2000+ft mountains to the north-east of the airport. Aircraft could not fly over the mountains and quickly drop in for a final approach .

Old Kai Tak.

Instead your aircraft had to fly above Victoria Harbour and Kowloon City, passing north of Bishop Hill. Here they would see Checker board hill with a large red and white checkerboard pattern on it.

Turning right at the checker board.

Once the pattern was sighted and identified, aircraft had to make a low-altitude less than 600 ft 47° right-hand turn, ending with a short final run in and touchdown.

(EDMOND TANG / CHINA DAILY)

For pilots the approach could not be flown by aircraft instruments, but visually because of the right-hand turn required. I believe Kai Tak is rated the 6th worst airport in the world to land at.

Aircraft over Kowloon.

Well, you can imagine my surprise as I’m all tensed up for yet another landing of which I have no control. Here is me sat in my comfy seat looking out the window. Beneath me is Hong Kong in the distance the sea. When all of a sudden its like the Pilot has thrown in a hand break turn and I can see the laundry hanging on apartment blocks that are higher than we are. To say my heart was in my mouth was an understatement. There is a sensation people experience when traveling over hump back bridges it’s the phenomenon of “weightlessness or leaving your stomach behind” which you witness when there is no force of support on your body. When your body is effectively in “free fall”. In my case falling downward at the same speed as the aircraft, then you have the feeling of not being supported at all. It’s an uncanny feeling. On a bridge this is but a momentary sensation. On that turn and decent it lasted for ages…! Eventually we touch down, the reverse thrusters screams in and it was over…! That landing did absolutely nothing to ease my trepidation of landings. Don’t take my word for it. Just Google Kai Tak Landings. That landing is a memory that will be with me forever.

I have some other wonderful engaging tales to tell of my travels, and dear reader I will get to them. Yet that’s not what I am about at this moment. I have covered some of the travels of my youth. And even with my unintentional screw ups, traveling was easier and enjoyable in those days.

So what has changed…?

I’m just going to throw this out there. I think we have changed. Yes, you and I, the people, your Boss, Teachers, Lawyers even the Bobby on the Beat. How and why we have changed is probably beyond me to explain. But If you will indulge me I will take a stab at it. I hold no PhD. specialising in cultural studies. But I have in my own way noticed things.

Perhaps it’s just me but I’ve noticed things have gotten easier, I wouldn’t say better but definitely easier. The rough woollen blankets and flannelette sheets of my youth have been replaced by soft quilts. I don’t have to go outside to the toilet or use a Tin Bath in the yard. Kids don’t walk to school in all weather. They also seemed to have stopped playing outside.

Sixteen year old apprentices could often be seen walking home from work lugging a large canvas bag of tools, the tools of their trade. No leaving them in lockers at work. The idea behind this ritual was to teach the young lads responsibility for the security and care of their work tools, and it would have a lasting effect, but alas it is no longer done.

I’m not saying this to harp on about ” Oh look how hard we had it…! It’s all milk and honey today…!” I’m just raising the issue that things have gotten easier. And that todays youth maybe have had less life lessons along the way.

For example, I have no idea when a telephone first appeared in our home, but arrive it did. Not that we were permitted to use it, but we were instructed in how to answer it politely and correctly. Answering could often be interesting as it was a joint line, shared with other homes in our street, and hearing their conversations could be amusing and informative.

Every Main Street had the familiar red phone box. Fourpence being the price of a local phone call. Once you had opened the heavy door, you were presented with the Bakelite phone. With button A which let you be heard and button B which returned your money. As kids you never passed a phone without pressing Button B, 4d (old pennies) would buy 8 Bazooka Joe chewing gums.

As a kid you had to memorise any phone number you needed, and many a time growing up I would be challenged before going out for my house number and a near neighbours number.

Yet today in most children’s pockets is a tool so unthinkable in my childhood days it beggars belief. Something as big as the palm of their hand that is a not just a phone. It’s a camera, sat nav, stop watch, music player, media player, magnifying glass, guitar tuner, fitness guru, calculator…! I could go on and on. And yet the maddest thing of all is that it holds within it the font of all recorded knowledge, at the very fingertips of every child, teenager and adult. As a kid if I needed factual information I had to walk to the library and seek it out. Normally via ‘The Encyclopaedia Britannica.’ Or another composition like the ‘Pears Encyclopaedia.”

During the last 70 years a lot has taken place. It goes without saying that people’s standard of living has been greatly elevated, with massive urban development. And with that people’s lifestyles and preferences have changed. One of the major shifts in people’s way of life has been to do with their career choices. The west’s digital boom has boosted the information, entertainment, and service industries, and created massive opportunities for Online-commerce.

Online Shopping.

 Since I joined the work force, labor has become more flexible, fluid and mobile. There are huge possibilities for career and life choices, in terms of where to work, how to live and how to present oneself to the world. Now compare that with their parents generations. They have no idea or reference points to use when they have to explore new things or uncharted areas. They have to find their own way, maybe through bad experiences and trial and error. Is that a good thing I personally don’t think so.

With the massive jump in technology has come with it vast amounts of instant information. It’s my belief that this amongst many other social constructs has turned everyone in to a high demand, instant gratification, media believing, fashion icon wearing or using clone.

Is it fashion or to fit in..?

People want instant everything. Instant food, Coffee, Transport, News, Speed-dating. We have become a ‘Now Society’ We are just not prepared to be patient anymore. With this impatience comes rudeness. The “why can I not have it now..?” , and the “I want it now..!” Types.

Today you are castigated for being an individual, for standing out or speaking up against the media narrative. Yet in my youth these were the very things teachers tried to bring out in you.

Well, as I’m mentioning teachers they too have changed. In my youth teachers were a person of authority one looked up to. They were politically impartial, and taught you knowledge or where and how to find it. They taught the truth..! Not feelings, and they certainly were not politically left leaning. The role of teachers in children education has massively changed. Teaching methods differs from the old Reading, Writing and Arithmetic, as much as modern Doctors techniques differ from applying leeches and bloodletting.

So, OK things have changed in the last seventy years. Eugene Aldrin, the father of the famous moon landing astronaut Buzz Aldrin, not only witnessed the Wright brothers’ first flight but also went to see his son land on the moon in his lifespan. There is roughly 65.5 years between the two events. Things have changed unbelievably in the last twenty years. For example advancements in Mobile phones, flash drives, Google Maps, The Human Genome Project, Bluetooth technology, Curiosity Mars Rover, AbioCor artificial hearts and gene-editing tools to name but a few.

So how have all these things changed travel? Well, technological advancements have made travel much quicker cheaper and easier. Be it by plane, train, car or ocean liner. A tour along the Nile Valley taking in the Temples along the way would have been a trip reserved purely for the affluent. Though today anyone can book a trip online and be traveling in a day or so. I know I have done that very thing.

When things were much slower and deliberate. People took time to plan their events, even learn a little about the culture of the lands they would be visiting. Yet, sadly today that is no longer the case anymore. Todays traveler who is a member of the instant gratification brigade want’s to get there as quickly as possible. With instant check-in at the hotel, and a lounger reserved by the pool.

It also goes way beyond the speed of travel. Take a look at the food on the menus. There will be very few if any authentic traditional meals. What is on offer with Steak Medium Rare are MC Nuggets and Hamburgers. You might find one or two local beers and a few local wines, but the Beverage Card will be covered in Tequila Sunrises, Sex On The Beach and Imported Lagers.

Take a stroll along any beach road and ‘English Pub’ signs will be visible every twenty yards or so with the mandatory Pizza Hut or McDonalds. The state of affairs is so bad that the nearest building to the Sphinx in Cairo is a Pizza Hut.

The Sphinx from Pizza Hut.

With the outstanding leaps forward in speed and technology. I think we have lost things in equal measure. Things like, honesty, fairness, straightforwardness, dependability, determination, courage, self-control, independence, empathy for others, and so much more.

There is no better type of person to see this with today than a traveler, or group of travellers. Decades ago when travel was slower people just understood that the journey would take a while. They were mentally prepared for it. If in the event of a delay it was taken in ones stride.

Not so today, with our high expectations of speed and seamless travel. Any delay is catastrophic. And somebody must answer for the delay. Heads must roll, the baying mob must have its pound of flesh…! How dare snow block the railway line, or a bird strike delay a flight.

If a train or flight is delayed it is amazing how worked up people get. OK I understand there may be connecting onward travel, other flights or modes of transport already booked and paid for. Though that at the time was unknown to the snowstorm or bird that flew into the engine. So is venting your frustration on a lowly flight rep or train guard really worth it..?

In my time I to have had to deal with all manner of delays, blocked motorways, completely cancelled trains, taxis that just never turned up. Then there is my cock ups, like totally misreading the departure time for myself and my daughters flight to Cairo Egypt. But we adapted and overcame the situation. Ensuring a fantastic trip to Egypt. No kicking or screaming at staff, and once the situation was put to the Travel Staff at Munich Airport they bent over backwards to try and help us. It is amazing what an engaging smile and being polite can achieve.

We Did Make It…

Then of course there’s the other approach the kicking and screaming one. Since reading the book ‘People-watching‘, The Desmond Morris Guide to Body Language. I have become an avid people watcher. Peoples behaviour and habits, their personalities and their quirks, shows us how people, consciously and unconsciously, signal their attitudes, desires and innermost feelings with their bodies and actions, often more powerfully than with their words. So generally when things get heated over a delay or cock up of some kind I normally sit back and watch the show.

In some cases the poor travel rep gets over whelmed and ends up being heckled and berated by the crowd. With the crowd demanding this or that or the other..! Then of course there is the consummate professional rep. Impeccably dressed in the smartest of livery and in command of the whole situation.

I have witnessed both, but to be honest the more memorable incident was at Friedrickshafen airport. The flight was Germany to London and it was delayed. About sixty souls were being affected and the only reason I knew the flight was being delayed was because the information board was flashing “Delayed” in Yellow next to our flight number.

Then out of the distance two Ryan Air Check In ladies approached our gate area. Presumably armed with new information and guidance about our flight. Even before they had got to the desk they were being inundated with questions. Which both ladies did amazingly well to parry off. Once at the desk one of the ladies was about to address us over the microphone when a Man who had been firing questions at the ladies as they approached us continued his tirade at the girls.

Both girls did well to keep their composure, as he demanded this and that. Then even louder than before he bellowed out the classic..” Do You Know Who I Am..?” Without missing a heartbeat the lovely Ryan Air Lady clicked on the Microphone and said quite calmly..” Does anyone know this gentleman? Can anyone help this gentleman..? He doesn’t know who he is..!”

I wish I could have bottled the laughter that followed, and filmed the guys walk of shame back to his seat..! Once the laughter had subsided the ladies apologised for the unseen delay and proceeded to give everyone food and drink vouchers. Just over an hour later we were called forward to continued on our way to the UK. I hope that guy and everyone who witnessed that beautiful moment learnt something that day. And I also hope those Ryan Air girls are payed well, they earn and deserve every penny.

Over many years all sorts of things had been degrading the wonder of travel. Chipping away at it one experience at a time, for example the first time I visited the Louvre in Paris to see the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. I was permitted to wander the halls at my leisure. In front of the Mona Lisa were several artists resplendent with all the tools of their trade putting their interpretation to paper or canvas. There was no rush, the security guards were civil, and helpful.

Fast forwards twenty years and then the Louvre was a sausage factory with tourists being the meat. What I experienced on my second trip was basically ‘Get them in, Get them through, Get them out..!’ The route you are to follow was marked on the floor and the security guys had lost their smiles and were now no more than ushers getting people to keep walking thought the exhibits. The tourist was not permitted to enjoy the exhibits or soak up the atmosphere.

So Sad…!

I cannot speak for how the Louvre is today, yet another forty years later. I just hope its improved as there is so much beautiful art in that one great location. Art being something that one should never rush.

Up close and personal with the Mona Lisa.

9/11, and Richard Colvin Reid , also known as the “Shoe Bomber,” have had a great deal to do with spoiling the whole air travel, and travel experiences in general. Both events were terrible. 9/11 because it succeeded, and Reid’s because of the potential destruction that thankfully was avoided.

The added increase of security, and screening and therefore time delay between arrival at the airport and your actual flight is burdensome to say the least. Not to mention what you are not permitted to fly with today.

The talking heads of political parties and media outlets try to spin this as the ‘NEW NORMAL’ yet it is anything but normal. I suppose if you have grown up since 9/11 it may be normal to you. But there are an awful lot of people who recall the true normal. When you did not show your passport to security and were then asked to step into a Huge Microwave machine to see if you have a gun or not..! Something I’m not too keen on doing as the health risks posed by these machines are still being studied, and the evidence is mixed.

Perhaps it is because I have these memories and experiences of effortless travel, these new restrictions annoy me so much. What is saddest about this is that I don’t ever feel we will get our freedoms and simplicity back. To be fair it’s not the carriers fault nor the Airfields. They wish their customers to have the safest journey they can provide.

The blame must rest squarely on humanity..! We have changed, and I don’t think for the better. If as a young man there was something in my community I didn’t like and wished to change. I would write a strongly worded letter to my MP. Attend a few council meeting and do all in my power to rectify the situation. If you succeed or failed in your endeavour you had given it your best shot and took victory or defeat magnanimously.

If it didn’t go your way, the idea of blowing up a Plane or Shooting up a Shopping Mall, would have never entered your head…! Yet today it seems these are the options of choice for anybody who is mildly upset about anything.

Our Veterans tribute to the Bridge on the River Kwai and Hell Fire Pass.

Wednesday the Second of March is a pretty ordinary day general speaking. It is the 61st day of the year, with a mere 304 days left until the end of the year. But this year I had a plan for the next four of those 304 days. A dear friend and fellow veteran Andy Payne and I had cooked up a plan to visit Kanchanaburi and especially ‘Hell Fire Pass.’ This Plan had taken two years to come together. What with Andy’s work commitments and then the dreaded Covid 19, causing travel restrictions to change by the week. Well, finally opportunity, free time, finances, the easing of Covid restrictions and the will to do it all came together. After numerous face-times and text’s we had worked out our journey, and set the plan in motion.

For those of you that don’t know, Kanchanaburi is the location of the infamous Bridge on the River Kwai. Memorialised by the movie of the same name. It’s a Bridge and Railway built by British and Common Wealth soldiers as slave labour who were prisoners of war held by the Japanese. Though I will focus general on the military element. It must never be for gotten that also 90,000 Southeast Asian civilian forced labourers died as well.

A interesting and thought provoking book and movie, is called the Railway Man. Well worth a read and a watch. The book is written by Eric Lomax. Eric and many others were tortured by the Japanese on the Burma Siam Railway. 50 years later he met one of his tormentors. His book The Railway Man tells this horrific story.

Andy and myself being military veterans ourselves felt that it would be a worthwhile trip to go and pay our respects to the servicemen who did not survive that horrendous ordeal and are now buried in the Military Cemetary in Kanchanaburi and numerous places along the rail line.

We would also use this opportunity to visit the Bridge itself and the museums in Kanchanaburi. We would then journey on by train to Hell Fire Pass and the Interpretive Centre. A place Andy had never been too.

The Bridge.

Andy and I had tried to keep our plan simple. He would fly from Phuket to Bangkok. I would take the Bus from Hua Hin to Bangkok. Here we would meet with another dear friend and fellow Light Infantry Man. Gavin Fifield, Gavin and his family live in Bangkok so no traveling for him. We would spend the night catching up with Gavin and a few other people in town, then the next day myself and Andy would journey on to Kanchanaburi.

Well it goes without saying that everyone the world over slept peacefully in their beds on Wednesday night because Gavin, Andy and myself with the help of Mr Leo, Mr Chang, and Mr San Miguel Light put the world to rights and solved all it’s problems before heading to our respective beds. Happy having had a catchup, we will not leave it four years until Gavin and Andy meet again.

Myself, Gavin and Andy.

Ten O’clock on Thursday the Third saw Andy and I in a Grab taxi pulling into Bangkok Bus Station. Finding the correct bus to Kanchanaburi was easy and a mere 420 baht secured us two seats on a nine seater bus. Fifteen minutes later and we were negotiating the roads out of Bangkok. A couple of hours on my iPad with the delights of YouTube and we were nearly there.

We had booked into the Bamboo House Kanchanaburi. It’s a venue that I had been to before. The rooms are warm, dry, clean with hot showers and great air con. And only a few hundred meters from the Bridge itself. An Ideal location for us touristy types.

Having taken time to settle in and grab a quick power hour. We meet in reception and decided to visit the Death Railway Museum and Research Center, then pay our respects at the War Cemetary. Getting a Grab Bike was our easiest option and we were soon outside the Museum.

The Museum and Research Center is on two floors, it is fully air conditioned and you get a free coffee or tea with your ticket. It would take me hours to convey the contents of the museum. And I don’t think I should do that here. What I will do is explain that it is heart wrenchingly sad what one man can do to another. Our inhumanity to each other knows no bounds. And yet we still have not learnt from the atrocities of our history. And we even to this day continue to repeat them. Maybe if our politicians were made to visit war graves and sites where atrocities occurred they would not be so hasty to send young men into combat.

Andy Deep In Thought.

Both Andy and I were deeply moved by the experience. We both would like to thank the Thailand Burma Railway Centre, and the Hell Fire Pass Interpretive Centre for all their hard work, support and comfort they provide for the visitors and families of the fallen soldiers and remaining survivors of this sad part of our history.

Now it was appropriate that we payed our respects to the fallen in the war cemetery. We strolled the aisles of the fallen in silence. One very odd coincidence I noticed as I walked a row was the uncanny amount of fallen soldiers buried here with exactly the same names of soldiers I had served with. There but for the grace of God…! On completion of paying our respects at the cemetery and presenting a Salute at the Gate as we left, myself and Andy moved across town to the bridge and another museum, this one being open air.

The museum is called the “WORLD WAR II & JEATH WAR MUSEUM” Have no idea why Death is spelt with a ‘J’. There is not an entry fee as such but they ask for a maintenance fee of 10 baht. £0.23 or Euro 0.27, $0.30. You are at liberty to wander as you wish, but conveniently on the floor are fairly large Blue Arrows to follow.

This museum focuses mainly on Japanese artefacts, and there are some fantastic vehicles to see. On the ground floor at the rivers edge is the remnants of the first bridge over the river Kwai. This wooden bridge complete with one meter gage railway was completed first to get people and stores to the other side of the river to speed up construction of the main bridge and railway.

One of the trains used on the railway.

During our visit we encountered only four other people, two couples enjoying each others company as they took in the displays on view. So Andy like myself took our time to let the experience sink in. This museum though it covers the experiences of the prisoners it is less morbid. And doesn’t focus on death and suffering too much. So once I had bathed myself in sufficient culture and soaked up the memories and experience, I felt it was time for a nice cool drink.

Just opposite the main entrance to the museum is a handy cafe. So that’s where I retired to awaiting Andy who was not far behind me. In the cafe was a myriad of fantastic cakes and creamy sticky buns, and I do declare my will power was tested, though I was a good chap and beat the temptation. Just a cool drink for me, my coconut smoothy hit the spot..!

Andy also grabbed a cool beverage and joined me to discuss our next plan of action. It was decided to stroll back to our rooms grabbing food on the way. Have an early night. Rise early and refreshed in the morning to get the early train to Hell Fire Pass. No need for beers tonight as we had supped enough in Bangkok to float a small boat.

About half way back to our lodgings at Bamboo House was a large but fairly empty restaurant, emitting wonderful smells of great thai cuisine. So our noses led us in to a vacant table. To be honest I was so hungry I’d have eaten anything, but I have to say my two pork dishes with steamed rice went down well, as did Andy’s choices too.

Supper, Pork green curry grilled pork and boiled rice.

Once back at our lodgings we had a quick photo call by the river taking in the bridge lit up for the evening, then we retired for the night. I don’t know about Andy but I was in the Land of Nod within seconds of my head resting on the pillow. The bed was comfortable, the pillows firm enough, and with the gentle throb of the air con serenading me I slept wonderfully.

Unknown to us, we were sharing our accommodation block with a pleasant Indian family. And it was to the sound of their little girls laughter that I awoke in the morning. We had arranged to meet at 09:30 for breakfast down at the restaurant area. both Andy and I were a little early. Breakfast was fried eggs sausage, salad and toast. With help yourself coffee or tea. Ham was also on offer as per the menu, but we saw none at either breakfast. Not that it mattered really.

We shared the dinning area with what I feel can only be described as a group of French Millennial Traveler’s. Why would I call them Millennials well here goes. Millennials are between 23 and 38 they seem to be the age group that travels the most with an average of 35 vacation days a year.

Our Millennial’s

Millennials spent $300 Billion on travel in 2020/22, 33% plan a spending budget of $5000+ on their vacations. 82% of millennials travelled last year, compared with 75% of all other generations. 86% of millennials chose new culture over 44% who wanted to party and 28% wanting to shop. 87% use Facebook to inspire their booking, and over 50% used Pinterest or Twitter. 97% will share travel experiences on social media, with two in three posting once a day. 58% of millennials stated they would solo travel, and already have. Now with all that being said all six of the French group sat at the breakfast table each with their own laptop open and buzzing away.

We only ever saw our millennial group at breakfast complete with laptops. I wish them well at least they are out traveling not stuck somewhere burdened under Covid restrictions..! Good luck and happy travels to them where ever they are heading next..!

Our next port of call was the train station..! We had a train to catch. Another grab taxi was booked and ensuring we had all we needed for the trip we were off, and soon at the train station. Under normal circumstances you would purchase your tickets at the ticket office. Sadly in times of Covid the office is closed so tickets are purchased on the train. I would recommend having some smaller denomination notes as the ticket sellers change swiftly runs out.

The Train Station.

There is only second class on this train, all carriages are similar though the seating configuration can alter carriage to carriage. Some seats are just wooden benches others the comfortable padded seating. As the train travels from station to station the occasional vender will pass up and down the train selling cold drinks or different types of fruits and snacks.

Perhaps it took us two hours maybe a little more I really wasn’t bothered about the time. As the train rattled its way along the track all manner of scenery was passing by the open window by our seating. Quaint village train stations with station masters who would ring a bell for the train to proceed on its way. Rice paddies, and great swathes of bamboo flickered past our window.

For me the interesting part of the journey is when the train slows down to negotiate the section between Tham Kra Sae and Wampo/Wang Po is called the wooden wampo viaduct. It was built along the edge of the Kwai wampo River and hang on to the mountainside. A small ledge was carved out of the cliff face to form a base for the construction. The 164 trestles along the “Burma Death Railway” were originally built of bamboo but the Government of Thailand has replaced them all with wood. That being said there were signs asking you “to take care” because quite a few of the boards were loose, broken and had big holes in them. This dangerous and exhausting section for the POW work force was considered “lucky” because only 4,000 men died. It has been said that every spike in the railway represents 5 to 7 deaths.

It is here that the train has to slow down to a crawl, as the train is nearly touching the cliff face. You can if you choose to, reach out from the train window and actually touch the cliff face. Once past this point the train regains its speed and you are quickly at Namtok Train station. From here on it’s by taxi.

Too facilitate a speedy seamless return to Kanchanaburi we booked the Taxi to Hell Fire Pass, and instructed him to wait for us then drive us back to our accommodation, this way we didn’t have to rush around and try to meet train timetable deadlines. A cunning plan if I say so myself.

Entrance into Hell Fire Pass Interpretive Center was free. Although there was a cursory Covid check on entry. Which we both passed with flying colours. There were several sweet Thai ladies in the reception area who were more than helpful steering us the right way and giving us a guide book each.

I have to be very truthful here, the Interpretive Centre is a very thought provoking place, and extremely sad in places and it will get you right in the feels. On more than one occasion tears were just a blink away. It is a no holds bared clear cut account of what conditions these poor individuals suffered under. Yet to a man they stood tall and would not let the Japanese see them defeated.

On completion of our tour of the centre we ventured out into the heat and the thirty minute walk to Hell Fire Pass. The walk though hot and involving a lot of stairs is manageable by anyone reasonably fit, with good footwear. I would not recommend it for the very young or very old, as once you start you are on your own. At the bottom of the stair section the path has been modernised and is no longer an earthen walk way, but now represents a railway bed just missing the sleepers and track.

The new pathway.

Once you start walking you will occasionally see the odd sleeper, and to the right in a couple of places are collections of Track Pins and Spikes. Also on the right as you walk towards the Hell Fire Cutting, there are old working marks and blasting channels still visible. These took hours if not days to make. One man holding the Steel Rod, the other the Hammer. The actions went like this ‘Hit the Rod, lift the Rod give it a twist set the Rod, Hit the Rod again. And on it went ‘Hit, lift, twist, set, hit! Hour after hour until the Rod was three to four feet deep. And this had to be done into solid granite.

Blast hole with a broken tip still inside.

When sufficient holes had been prepared explosives were set, then detonated. And the rubble cleanup would then begin. Big boulders were smashed into little ones and the little ones carried away. And all this destruction was completed without the aid of a single wheel barrow. Every rock was cleared by hand or on a sack suspended between two bamboo poles.

Hell Fire Pass gets its name from the burning glow of fires that were used to illuminate the activity at night as this was a 24hr operation. Non-stop day and night. “Speedo Speedo” was the shout most heard from the Japanese guards. And the prisoners worked on..’Hit, Lift, Twist, Set, Hit Again..! As I approached the actual cutting, it was the sheer size of the undertaking that left me in awe. To build a railway to Burma, was an insane idea in the first place.

Several surveyors had been here before the Japanese and ruled out the idea. But I think what sold it to the Japanese was basically the unlimited supply of slave labour they had to hand in the manner of Allied Prisoners and Southeast Asian civilian forced labourers. So the idea was given the green light and to hell with the human life cost.

Just as you enter the cutting there are remnants of the railway line on the floor, and off to the right a grouping of tributes left by visitors or relatives of the fallen. Right in the middle of the cutting is a Tree which is 75 years old, as it could only have grown after the war ended and the line no longer in use.

At the far end of the cutting is the formal monument to the fallen. Here also you can see many tributes left by family and friends of those who suffered here. Andy and myself payed our respects to the fallen and left a copy of our regimental flag in honour of those brave soldiers.

Our Tribute.

Hellfire Pass was a particularly difficult section of the line to build: it was the largest rock cutting on the railway, it was in a very remote area and the workers lacked proper construction tools to complete the building. The Australian, British, Dutch and other Allied prisoners of war, along with Chinese, Malay, and Tamil labourers, were required by the Japanese to complete the cutting in twelve weeks. Sixty-nine men were beaten to death by Japanese guards in those twelve weeks and many more died from cholera, dysentery, exhaustion and starvation. It is aptly named “Hell Fire Pass.”

Andy and I returned to the carpark up the stair way in comparative silence. Each of us reflecting in our thoughts, it wasn’t until half way up the stairs that we properly spoke. To the left of the carpark are several little Mom n Pop shops selling drinks and street food. We were both in need of hydration so chilled smoothies were the order of the day.

On the path leading to the restrooms a young lady was washing a small boy with a garden hose. He was having a great time of it and returned to our shop and his Mum happy, naked and dripping wet.

Andy like myself is a big softy when it comes to children, so he quickly proffered a 20 baht note and gave it to the young boys sister. She promptly nipped next door to the Ice cream seller and got herself and her brother a nice Red and Green ice lolly.

While sat enjoying my smoothie myself dripping with sweat. I decided to take a leaf from the young boys book. I headed for the restroom, and as a reach the young lady now continuing to water the hedgerow I asked to borrow her hose. Which with a odd look at me she gave me. I proceeded to then hose down my upper body….! It was fantastic a true moment to experience. Not only did it wash away the sweat and dust, but in away the sadness of the occasion. I regained my smile.

Once I had finished in the restroom I re-thanked the lady with the hose and returned to my Smoothie. I’m glad that I had my smile back as I now had to laugh. The young naked boy was sort of still licking his lolly. But most of it had melted, and had run down his arm and tummy. He was a Red and Green sticky mess. So back to the hose for him, and with polite thank you’s off to the taxi for us.

There was very little traffic on our road so the return to our rooms was swift and uneventful. We had decided that after a wash and shave we would sample the delights of town, and see what the local pubs had to offer.

And this is how we found ourselves in Cuddles Bar. Not a bad place I may hasten to add. The owner Bill and the couple of guys with him made us very welcome. The beer was reasonably priced and our hamburgers arrived in a timely manner and were delicious. So we settled down for the long haul and enjoyed the moment.

Cuddles Bar.

I have no idea at what time we got back to our accommodation for the simple reason we did not care, we were on our Hollibobs and time did not matter. Let’s just say it was beyond the witching hour.

Post witching hour Bamboo House.

I woke naturally, no happy child’s laughter today. Andy and I met for breakfast. Once having eaten and enjoying our coffees I tried to book a grab taxi to Hua Hin. Perhaps it was the distance, no grab taxis would pick up the journey. So plan B it was, a quick trip to the bus depot and another nine seater too Hua Hin.

If you travel light, packing is easy. And I work on the old adage that if you don’t have it you don’t need it. Non the less I do have a small yet comprehensive travel kit, that experience has taught me is the minimum I definitely need. And it has held me in good stead all around the world. So once packed and a quick glance around the room to ensure all is in order it was off to the bus depot.

A7 was ours..!

With the tickets purchased and Andy installed on the bus securing our seats, I quickly popped to the 7/11 for ice creams and a bottle of juice. Then moments after my return we were off. For most of the journey I slept as I had the front three seats to myself, and could lay down. Andy was not so fortunate having to share his seating.

My view from the front 3 seats…!

On arrival at the clock tower in Hua Hin, I called Maggie my girlfriend to come and pick us up as Andy was going to remain with us for the next four days. With the arrival of Maggie in her Nissan March our Kanchanaburi trip drew to a close. Andy is a great travel companion, and a wonderful person to have shared such a moving experience with. Until the next one mate. Stay Safe.