During my Military career Her Britannic Majesty’s Government saw fit to post me to some awesome parts of the world. Places like Hong Kong, Canada, Portugal, Cyprus. Amongst many other fantastic places, yet a place dear to my heart has to be my time in Berlin.
I was fortunately able to see Berlin with the wall ‘UP’ and once it was ‘DOWN.’ I have covered how I personally experienced the evening the wall came down else where on here. So I’ll not cover it again.
My appointment in Berlin with the British military was as an External Leadership Training Provider. What, you may ask is one of those..! Well, basically there is regular military training, Shooting and Drill, Tactics and the like. Our Roll in the ‘ELT Wing’ was to provide all other training that would enhance the leadership qualities of the soldiers and officers. To which we had a very large scope limited only by our imaginations and the whole City to play in.
Above and beyond that job, I ran the Berlin Canoe Club on the Havel River. And taught climbing on the Teufelsberg. Also every now and again Platoons of Soldiers from Berlin would leave the city. And a relief platoon would come and replace them. Our roll would be to entertain these troops for that week, or maybe longer.
So how did we entertain our or other soldiers. Generally what would happen is a young officer in charge of 30 soldiers would be given a period of time on the weeks calendar as Platoon Commanders Disposal. What this means in real terms is that the officer has to train his men in some manner or other.
Now these young officer’s don’t really know their arse from their elbow yet, let alone how to train soldiers. So they would swiftly come to our office and seek guidance. Let’s say a young officer turned up, we would sit him down with a coffee, and then get the WHO, WHEN, WHERE and WHAT from him. Though we invariably told him the WHAT..!
Perhaps it would be something like this. “Thirty soldiers, Tuesday afternoon, In barracks.. Can you guys help me..?” And invariably we would.
Belin, while the wall was up had to be fully manned by whole brigade, and all its assets. Which meant that we had some phenomenal things to play with. Like the 14 Chieftains of C Squadron 14/ 20th King Hussars. 7 Flight AAC, RAF Gatow, (4x Gazelle AH.1). And with the aid of just a phone call I could call on the toys of the Americans and French as well..!
As I said we were only limited by our imagination with the things we could gainfully employ these young officers and their men with.
A couple of favourites of mine were the RAF Police dogs, and calling in a favour or two with the Americans and Helicopter Abseiling. Generally we would use the RAF dogs on a young officers first event, we like to blood them young. The officer in question would be briefed to parade on the square with his men dressed in their green army coveralls and boots at the allotted date and time.
A call to the RAF at GATOW airfield and we would secure a training afternoon for the RAF war dogs. The Airmen at the Gatow dog section loved nothing more than letting their dogs work on new victims. And would willingly come over to our barracks for some fun and games.
On the allotted afternoon the officer and his men would turn up non the wiser, to be met by an RAF sergeant who would fill them in on all the safety procedures. Not that there were that many. Basically only put bits of you wearing the padding into the dogs mouth…!
To justify the Leadership Training part of the day…! Obviously the officer was going to lead from the front and do the first demonstration. So he would be padded up given a ‘Blank firing pistol’ and a 20 second head start, then the dog was let loose.
It’s not easy to run in the padded suit, but the officer did well, even managing to get off two shots at the pursuing dog before its 85 pounds of snarling teeth hit him in the chest flooring him. There was then 25 seconds of the dog ravaging the padded suit until the handler got there and with a short curt command the dog stopped being a trained killer and calmly sat at the handlers side. Myself and the platoon sergeant help the young leader to his feet. His esteem in his mens eyes had just gone up. Especially when he was de-suited and he asked for the next volunteer. You could visibly see everyone take a step back…!
It was not dissimilar when we took the guys Helicopter Abseiling. The young officer would be told to parade his men dressed for a run around the Grunewald a large forest in the heart of Berlin. We would then meet them and under the guise of the run enter the Grunewald. The Platoon Commander and his men were non the wiser. Yet the troops were a little dejected that their leader could come up with nothing better than a run through the Forest.
Slotted around and in the Forest are some pretty large open areas, this is where the helicopter and our equipment was waiting all prepositioned and tested by our team that morning. The officer and his men would be blown away when we ran them across to the chopper and sat them down to start the safety briefs and issue the equipment.
And again to justify the leadership element the Officer and Sergeant would be first to abseil out of the chopper.
Once in the chopper myself and a colleague would rig the guys and ourselves. I would talk the officer out, my buddy the sergeant. Leaving with them and demonstrating all the way down. Once on the ground the young officer had grown in the eyes of his men. It would then be a quick turnaround for the next team of four until everyone had completed at least one decent. If we had time and fuel two each.
Once our task was completed all that was left was for the men now buzzing with excitement to return to camp. For us to return the kit to barracks and say thank you to the pilots. Well, really the best way to do that would be for the copper to do a fly by our Barrack Square and drop us off. So one final abseil for the officer and myself onto our barrack square in full view of everyone. Giving the officers something to chat about over supper.
Moments later that’s exactly where we were, abseiling down onto our square. The young officer feeling ten feet tall as he walked off the square everyone watching wishing they were him.
How did I call in these favours you may ask. Well, it’s not too difficult if you can provide something others want. Like I mentioned I also ran the Berlin Canoe Club down on the Havel. This was inside the Grunewald with its own Beach, BBQ area, Showers, Kitchen and Bar. You wanted somewhere discreet to hold a party…I’m your man. Kids Birthdays, Adult Birthdays, Caribbean Nights, BBQ’S and let’s just get drunk nights. All provided at no cost, you just bring the Beer. Or buy it in house very cheaply. So for me it was easy to get a favour for a favour.
Well, all this was Hunky Dorey, until one day I received a phone call asking me if I was Chesty Gardner the canoe instructor. Obviously having nothing to hide I replied yes. It had come to pass that the Berlin Adventure Training Center had for one reason or another no canoe instructor for their next ten day serial and could I help them out as there were only two canoe instructors in the garrison one being a colonel and the other me. They sure as hell were not going to ask the colonel, though I recon a colonel would have immensely enjoyed ten days canoeing, it being a break from the drudge of his office work.
As I’m a nice chap and it being ten days canoeing I readily agreed. That perhaps was my first mistake. Or perhaps foolishly thinking the Berlin Adventure Training Center was in Berlin, maybe that was my mistake.
The Berlin Adv. Trg. Center as I found out rather quickly was nowhere near Berlin it is in fact 723 km away by the most direct route down in Bavaria Southern Germany. I on the other hand would not be traveling by the direct route as the wall around Berlin was still up. I would have to go “Down the Corridor’ adding a further 192.6 km on to the already long journey.
I was already beginning to dislike the idea when my buddy’s started to explain the procedure for the corridor. 246 and 247 (Berlin) Provost Company, Royal Military Police organise the passage of transports up and down the corridor. Now if anything can be over complicated you can trust the Royal Military Police to definitely over complicate it.Though at this juncture in time my gripe is not with the Military Police. They had a system in place, so all we have to do is follow it.
A day or two before departure orders were published about who was going to be traveling to the Berlin Adv Trg Center. The group was to be one officer one corporal (myself) and 29 private soldiers. The Vehicle Commander was designated as me.
On the day of departure a 52 seater white coach driven by two 62 Transport & Movements Squadron drivers a Corporal and a Lance Corporal visited each barracks in turn collecting the soldiers.
Then we proceed to Checkpoint Bravo to collect our corridor package, and receive a briefing on how to conduct ourselves while in the corridor. With detailed instructions on what to do at the other end. We were also allocated a no arrival before time so as not to encourage speeding. It is also here that you show your United Kingdom Movement Order. No Order, no traveling out of Berlin.
The general gist of what happens is at the Briefing the two drivers and myself as the vehicle commander receive a verbal brief, then I am handed a Corridor Package. This is an A4 File. Inside were contained detailed instructions on how to navigate the corridor. Exactly what lane of the road you are meant to be in, distances between junctions, even pictures of the sign’s you will encounter. Basically an idiots guide on how to travel the corridor.
So with this in hand, myself and the two drivers re-boarded the coach. At the front of the coach is obviously the drivers seat and next to it is a single copilots seat that folds forward to give access to the stairs. As I would be navigating I felt it rather prudent that I sit here to be in the optimum position to relay instructions to the driver.
I was all ready to take my seat when the Corporal Driver said words to the effect that, ‘He’ sat there. I then queried as to how was I meant to navigate and give clear instructions to the other driver from a seat down the back of the bus.
His retort was wonderful…! “Look mate, we are professional driver we drive the corridor all the time, we know the way. And we don’t need a book or a guide.” I looked at the officer who was seated at the front. He just sort of shrugged his shoulders. So now it was down to me. I then declared “Ok guy’s. Last chance, I guide you, or you take full responsibility for any problems on route..?” The Corporal then said “No Drama..! We know what we are doing, take a seat..!
The officer then moved along his seat a little allowing be to join him on the first double seat behind the copilots seat. I then gave the A4 file to the copilot who just tossed it with distain onto the front dashboard.
Our exit from checkpoint bravo was as normal and we proceeded on our journey. In the days before Tablets and iPhones, all we had to kill time with were book or magazines or perhaps a walkman. I had a book, a great read called ‘Setting the east ablaze. Lenin’s dream of an empire in Asia.’ By Peter Hopkirk, It’s a wonderful book about the intrigue of Lenin’s plan to liberate Asia. With his start point being British India. And highlights all the payers in this great game of intrigue and treachery.
With the young officer on my right nodding off, I quickly got engrossed into my book. The chapters in my book and miles under the wheels of the coach seemed to fly by. I had just got to the bit in my book about the British Consulate-General in Kashgar being a listening post for all the intrigue of the great game. Thing in my book were heating up.
Unbeknown to me things in the real world were just about to get exciting too. My first inkling was the sensation of the coach swinging left, and the tyres screeching as they tried valiantly to hold the coach onto the road. Somehow we were on a slip road going way too fast for the unexpected corner.
Try as they might, the tires just could not hold us at that speed. So off into the Kitty Litter we shot..! Luckily we were fortunate to come off the road at a prepared area and there was ample gravel space (Kitty Litter) to slow down and stop a speeding Coach. When we came to rest the coach had bottomed out with all tires buried.
During the sudden stop a few of the guys on the bus had been knocked about but nothing serious. I had lurched forward onto the steel handrail for the stairs and bent that forward about a foot trying to stop myself hurtling on top of the copilot.
It only took a second or two to confirm everyone was OK and get the guys to be quiet. I then turned to the Drivers..! Both of them were quite shocked.. But I need answers and fast.
“Where are we, and why are we here..?” I asked. The very sheepish lance corporal said, ” I’m sorry I have no idea, we are lost. I took the wrong road which led to this exit and we are here.”
Things were racing through my mind. If we were still on the corridor we were OK. But if we had left the corridor then things were massively different. 31 soldiers had technically invaded a foreign country. This was not going to look good on my resume.
Now if we stay on the bus it is (technically a very fine line here,) British property. We haven’t actually stood on East German soil. But I need to know where we are as it affected all my following decisions. Only One thing to do get off the bus and go take a look.
This I did, and not 25 meters up the road my worst fears were confirmed. At the side of the road had an East German Road Sign. Damn and blast, we were now in a real world of problems. I might have to call in some ‘Hugh Favours’ to get out of this one. That or Devine Intervention.
As I returned to the coach a few East German cars drove by, the peoples faces unable to contain their bewilderment at seeing the stranded coach. I climbed the steps up into the coach and instructed the guys as to our predicament. That we were in fact in East Germany without papers or permission. And it would be totally up to the East Germans and the Russians how they handle this. I also warned the guys it could go very bad if the East Germans or Russians felt they had a point to make or a score to settle.
Well, understandably the young officer was not overly impressed. He probably had visions of his commission disappearing before his very eyes. I did my best to calm him down. And suggested it best that we not mention to the East Germans or Russians that we had an officer onboard. The less information we gave them the better I felt. I also reassured him that the police would be here in a moment or two and we would know much more how things would unfold once I’d spoken to them.
True to my word, within moments two East German Police Cars arrived, no light’s nor sirens. I was a little disappointed After all we had invaded there country.
The tricky thing here is that at this time, the German Democratic Republic was still occupied by the Red Army, its capital city of East Berlin remained legally under the control of a council of the four Allied powers, and as a state it was not recognised by Great Britain. Which in turn meant that we did not recognise the authority of the East German Police. Bit of a tricky situation I was in.
With his three colleagues holding back a rather large policeman approached the bus door. I instructed the guys no not say a word, only I would talk. If they could read a book or magazine do so, don’t look at the policeman..!
I had the Driver open the door and I engaged with the Policeman. “Good Day Sir..!” (Always keep it polite.) “As you can see we are a little off route and are now stuck would you be so kind as to Inform our Russian Allies that we need assistance.?”
The police man asked who we were, where we were from how many of us where traveling. I was as polite yet vague as could be without trying to give any information away. As I had no idea of their intentions no matter how sweetly they smiled.
“We are a British Military Party Heading for Helmstedt, We had taken a wrong turning and were now seeking assistance off our Russian allies to continue on our way.” I replied. The police man strolled over to confer with his colleagues, and on his return stated that it would be best for senior person to travel with them to the station and talk directly to the Russian Corridor Commander.
I declined his generous offer stating I had orders that nobody was to leave the bus and further encroach on their sovereignty. Then I complimented him on his excellent command of the English language, and asked if he also spoke Russian. He said yes as he had learnt both in school. Fantastic that wonderful, you will have no problem conveying our situation to the Russians, I replied.
With that the large policeman and his colleague drove off leaving the remaining two sat in their car watching us.
Perhaps it was an hour maybe a tad longer when the Police car returned, followed by a huge shiny staff car and several Russian Jeep like vehicles, I could not see but I’m presuming they held soldiers. From the Staff car to our Bus came three officers.
Only one did the talking. The gentleman I believe I had the honour of addressing was Colonel General Boris Vasilievich Snetkov. My assumption for this was after our conversation and him agreeing to secure help from the Americans to recover us. He said that the very next day he was having a meeting with the British Brigadier, and this would make an interesting story over dinner.
I thanked him for his assistance in helping fellow allies, and hoped he would enjoy his dinner tomorrow. As I had no idea where I would be having mine. As I still had to get everyone back to Berlin and face the music on our return, and I had no idea how the powers that be would take our little excursion into East Germany.
A few more hours ticked by with the two same policemen sat in their car watching the Bus. We for our part were catching up on sleep and re-reading magazines and books.
I have to say I felt and heard the recovery vehicle before I saw it. It was a Green smoke belching behemoth. Driven by a tiny black American soldier, who pulled up on the road alongside the bus. I, having now dealt with the Russians and feeling emboldened got off the bus to talk to the GI. I indicated to him our predicament and inquired how he wished to recover us, as his truck just about had everything on it Hydraulic lifts, towing chains and bars and even a huge crane…!
To say that my day solar had had its ups and downs was an understatement, yet there was more to come. The little GI could have knocked me down with a feather when he said. “I don’t recover mate, I’m just the duty driver this weekend. I was told to drive this here..!” To say I turned the air blue with profanities, I recon I taught our little GI a few new curse words.
Who in their right minds sends a recovery truck without a guy to operate it..! Somebody was going to get a sternly worded letter, assuming we ever got recovered.
OK, time to think on your feet, we had gotten this far without causing an international incident, I had kept the East Germans sweet, and highly amused a Russian Colonel General with a story he would be telling for years to come. So now was not time to drop the ball.
Earlier that morning, how so very far away did that seem now. We had driven around Berlin picking up soldiers from different Barracks. Different Barracks means different types of soldiers..! Brook Barracks were Light Infantry. Wavell Barracks were Kings Regiment. And I new we had been to Smuts Barracks the home to 38 (Berlin) Field Squadron, Royal Engineers. And Royal Engineers play with big trucks.
So I quickly got back on the bus to inquire if we had ant engineers with us..? From half way down the bus came a couple of yes’s. OK guys I said can you work the yanks truck. With a cheeky smile from both of them they assured me it would be a doddle.
With the GI supplying the power and chains fitted to the bus we were off the kitty litter in no time. Roughly ten minuets later the two engineers had the busses two front wheels off the floor and secured. It was now time for us to leave East Germany without a shot being fired, and nobody being arrested.
I must commend the East German Police and our Russian counterparts for the manner in which they dealt with our infraction. It could have been dealt with very differently, resulting in arrest’s and public humiliation. Just to score point in the publics eyes or in the media. In East Germany and the world over. I’m grateful that our Invasion of East Germany was treated as just another day in the office by those that mattered.
Late that evening, we pulled into Brook Barracks, I went to my room for some well deserved sleep. The rest of the guys were treated to transit accommodation as we would recommence our journey on the morrow at mid day. This allowing time for the vehicle to be inspected and repaired. Also for the two drivers to present their case to their colonel.
Twelve o’clock came round, and the bus was ready. I was quite surprised to see the same two drivers..! One now a private, and the Corporal now reduced to Lance Corporal. So off we went to Checkpoint Bravo to begin the journey once more. After the brief and once again in possession of the A4 file I was invited to take the copilots seat, and begin guiding our coach to Helmstedt. I will try not to invade East Germany this trip..!
Chesty Traveling 